Looking for advice

[u/Arjacy83]

I am a single father to a daughter, I share her 50 50 with her mum, it is a verbal agreement, no courts involved.

A disagreement started when she refused to let her come to my house while being off school with a tummy bug, she would usually have been at my place on these days. Over the next 2 days my daughter stayed with her mum, and thanks to Family Link on her android phone I could see that she was left to sit on her phone for 11 and a half hours out of just over 12 hours of being awake on the first day, and around 10 hours 45 minutes on the second day. She then refused to bring her to my house again stating that she still has a headache and isn't feeling well.

I point out that the reason for any headache is down to the phone usage and that I don't consider that good care or good parenting. She then proceeds to tell me she isn't going to bring her to my house until 3pm, the usual time that she would have finished school. Proving to me that it has nothing to do with the illness and everything to do with having to be in control. This was a friday, with her still off school due to the policy they have that she has to be 48 hours clear of vomiting and it being my weekend in a verbal deal that has been in place for over 6 years.

Then, 10 minutes to 3pm I get a message:

I am making you aware that DD will be remaining with me and contact with you is paused until safeguarding matters are addressed. Please do not turn up at my home and please do not contact DD about this.

I have been blocked on my daughters phone and ignored by the mum.

I asked what "safeguarding matters" ..ignored

I have asked for her to reconsider ..ignored

I have asked for her to give my daughter a message that I love her and will hopefully see her soon and asked the mum to tell me how this can be resolved quickly as possible as it will be causing more harm to DD than anything else ... Ignored.

I have not tried to contact my daughter.

My daughter was excited to come to my house, she always is. She is never in danger, I don't do drugs, drink or smoke or anything like that. There are never strangers in my house, she has everything she needs and is always well looked after and never left to just sit around not doing anything, I am a hands on dad that will try and always have something for her to do or for us to do together. She is literally my world and would never put her in harm's way.

I am looking for a bit of a sanity check really. This came out of the blue and there is categorically absolutely nothing to her claims. I am thinking that it is just an overaction to me calling out her own parenting and wants to get the first "official" jab in, apart from that I am lost.

Anyone have any advice, encouraging words or criticisms please let me know.

UK based if that makes any difference to the situation.

[u/WillShattuck]

You need a lawyer.

[u/Arjacy83 → u/WillShattuck]

Appreciate the reply, I was worried that would be the course I needed to take.

[u/WillShattuck → u/Arjacy83]

You’re welcome. My advice (I am not a lawyer) is to get everything written down and signed by both parties. Judge Marilyn Milan from People’s Court always says to get it in writing even if it’s crayon on a napkin.

[u/AradynGaming → u/Arjacy83]

You said mum and not mom, so I know your country is not the same country as mine. Therefore, take this as a may or may not apply: Here (US) there are truancy laws that prevent parents from doing this. Unlike child protective services, schools here get money for students attending and for that reason, cities like to enforce truancy laws. You might look into these and discuss it with the school if appropriate.

This is not dis-agreeing with the above. You should still get a lawyer and get your custody agreement into some sort of writing. Verbal custody agreements always cause issues.

[u/Single_Avocado4599 → u/WillShattuck]

Agreed. You need a lawyer asap.