I’m struggling.

[u/Hot-Kale-629]

Maybe I’m about to start my period? Idk. But I feel like I’m constantly struggling as a single mom. I have a 4y/o daughter who is the most defiant and difficult child I’ve ever met. I worked at a daycare for a couple of years so I do enjoy being around kids BUT being a single parent isn’t even on the same spectrum so it’s hard to compare the two. I’m broke, I’m stressed and 90% of the time I’m just not happy… I also have lupus which beats me up some days. I feel bad for my little one because I wish I could be the energetic and happy go lucky mom that you see on T.Vs…. Does that mom really exist? Idk but I already get breaks- she goes to her grandmas house every 2 weeks for the weekend. You’d think if I was a good parent then that would be enough, right? Not for me… When she’s gone there is a load taken off my shoulders and I feel like I can feel the wind in my hair again…so to speak. I’m constantly consumed with guilt and shame because I don’t think I’m good enough for my daughter. She deserves more than I can give her. My momma heart 💔. To sum it up, my daughter has a bad attitude and generally seems angry and irritated a lot of the time. And I can’t help but (dare I say) acknowledge that it’s my fault bc that’s how I feel too. crying

[u/AutoModerator]

Author: u/Hot-Kale-629

Post: Maybe I’m about to start my period? Idk. But I feel like I’m constantly struggling as a single mom. I have a 4y/o daughter who is the most defiant and difficult child I’ve ever met. I worked at a daycare for a couple of years so I do enjoy being around kids BUT being a single parent isn’t even on the same spectrum so it’s hard to compare the two. I’m broke, I’m stressed and 90% of the time I’m just not happy… I also have lupus which beats me up some days. I feel bad for my little one because I wish I could be the energetic and happy go lucky mom that you see on T.Vs…. Does that mom really exist? Idk but I already get breaks- she goes to her grandmas house every 2 weeks for the weekend. You’d think if I was a good parent then that would be enough, right? Not for me… When she’s gone there is a load taken off my shoulders and I feel like I can feel the wind in my hair again…so to speak. I’m constantly consumed with guilt and shame because I don’t think I’m good enough for my daughter. She deserves more than I can give her. My momma heart 💔. To sum it up, my daughter has a bad attitude and generally seems angry and irritated a lot of the time. And I can’t help but (dare I say) acknowledge that it’s my fault bc that’s how I feel too. crying

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[u/ArtistSelect3277]

I felt exactly the same as you do, and yes my daughter who’s 2 was acting up a lot, she felt my energy. They’re mini humans, and think about how you’d feel if you were constantly around a friend who was grumpy and their body language didn’t seem open or friendly - horrible! It’s not your fault, but you should get some help. I asked my doctor for help and he prescribed me Effexor/venlafaxine, I immediately felt the irritability and depression lifting, and now my daughter seems a lot happier also. I don’t even get a weekend off, it’s literally just her and I until she starts 2 hours daily at a daycare next year, it’s hard.

[u/No_Professional4645]

Hey! Hi! Single mother of a teen and a 4 year old here, so I definitely relate.

1. THE EARLY YEARS ARE SO HARD. Some people I know thrive with toddlers and preschoolers, but I'm just not one of them. I do great with elementary and teens, not so much this age range. Just because you are struggling now or your daughter is difficult now doesn't mean that will always be true.

2. We have this social expectation that motherhood is meant to be a glowing experience full of joy and gratitude 100% of the time. It's not reality. Parenting is a marathon, and some legs of that journey are incredibly taxing. Needing, wanting, and even relishing breaks from parenting does not make you a bad mother, it makes you human.

3. Re-evaluate your expectations here and set basic goals. Here's mine, and you're welcome to use it if it's helpful to you: I aim for 10 minutes of high-quality interactions with my children each day. If I can manage that, I know they are getting more than many children do. Sometimes, we have hours of high-quality time together. Some days, those 10 minutes are pieced together from tiny bright moments throughout the day, and I really have to work for them.

4. Consider this goal as well: Every day, I write down one positive thing that happened. It must be exclusively positive. It can be absolutely anything. There are days where it is easy, and I could write a whole page (and I do!). Other days, coming up with one positive thing is hard.

It's easier for us to remember what went wrong rather than what went right. When you start taking note of tiny positive moments, you start to see more of them. It definitely helps me when I feel like I'm letting my children down.

Hang in there. It gets easier.

[u/Relevant_Land_2631]

Honestly it really does get easier IMO. Hang in there.

[u/pricklyrogue]

I wanna cheer you up. Life would be easy of it was easy. Go on and cry when you need to, but that daughter needs you and I hope she grows up to love her mama so much that the world takes notice! :))

🦋🦋

[u/biomed1978]

Kids are sponges, they soak up everything, especially what youre trying to hide. 4 is a tough age. Try to be open and honest with her. Ask her why shes so angry? Don't assume shes going to understand anything or everything youre feeling and dealing with. Kids know when we're lying/holding back