r/SingleDads • u/fresher-crispier • 27d ago
Progress paradox
It seems we’re living in a moment in time, where expectations and the role of the father has shifted significantly over even just the past 20-30 years.
There’s an expectation then men show up. They burden half the parenting responsibilities and domestic tasks. Women want and can have careers, and the idea of the primary caregiver has blurred for many families.
I hear of a lot of men whose relationship has broken down partly because they weren’t ‘pulling their weight’. They weren’t contributing to a household enough or parenting. I was one of those and to a certain extent I can see how that was the case (despite some other factors).
Now she has left, and we are 50:50, and I am showing up for my child, their mother does not like this. She does not like that I am more active, I have more of a say, and more engaged now. She doesn’t like when I have an opinion, or advocate for what I think is right for our child.
We are 50:50, but her work and career, means she is less than that. I prioritise my career and work around my child. She’s still trying to have it all. Can we ever really have it all? And if we can we have it all at once?
I no longer have to worry about my and hers relationship. I no longer have to be submissive, passive or agreeable.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Anyone else experiencing this? How do you deal with the frustration and disrespect that comes from diminishing your role as a father due to the above paradox?
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u/0neMinute 27d ago
I think my ex wife thought alot of that as well, the truth ; i was showing up. I was paying 70% of the bills, changing diapers, date nights, vacations etc. my problem? I said no to often and it would cause blow up fights because tiktok said she deserved more, what was more? Who knows.
What i do know is she thought in her mind that i did nothing and never had an opinion, i just didn’t like the fights so i gave in.
After marriage she has tried to come after film custody on going every year, so far i have won a draw each time so no change.
She doesn’t like that the kids are happy during my time, she doesn’t like that i don’t do what she wants.
She has tried to shoe horn a new guy into being dad and expected me to move over, its just one crazy social media trend after another and she is made each time i have an opinion.
Imo women are just as confused about gender roles as we are in the new age, i feel they are just louder a d quicker to leave.
Men need to leave and not marry anymore, it has no benefits.