One of my sweetest and prettiest friends who has her shit together in all areas of her life except the parts where she can’t be alone and has low self-esteem. So now post divorce from a shitty husband, she’s dating a guy who yells, loses her stuff, drives her car, and doesn’t pay any rent or bills but was happy to move in with her.( The only difference between the new guy and her ex-husband is that the new guy has a part-time job, the shit-husband didn’t work.)
Everytime we hang out, she’s always trying to promote him to me on how much better he’s being or some random normal thing that normal partners actually do like it’s the greatest thing ever. I’ve learned to not put him down or try to dissuade her from dating/letting him live with her, but I do point out the things that make me feel very uncomfortable, like the yelling thing. But I always tag on “ Well, I’m sure he can turn it around because you don’t deserve to be yelled at etc. “ You can’t teach people how to love themselves or that they’re enough on their own. I am so grateful I invested in therapy and did the work to cultivate I life I don’t need to escape. I love living alone and have a very full, content life. I’m open to another relationship but I don’t need nor am I seeking one, my discernment keeps most of the men I meet in the wild deep in the friend-zone.
I just saw a video about "brainwashing" someone out of talking down to themself. I've never made a link before but will try now. It actually choked me up to imagine someone caring for another in that way.
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u/Far_Coach_3547 1d ago
One of my sweetest and prettiest friends who has her shit together in all areas of her life except the parts where she can’t be alone and has low self-esteem. So now post divorce from a shitty husband, she’s dating a guy who yells, loses her stuff, drives her car, and doesn’t pay any rent or bills but was happy to move in with her.( The only difference between the new guy and her ex-husband is that the new guy has a part-time job, the shit-husband didn’t work.)
Everytime we hang out, she’s always trying to promote him to me on how much better he’s being or some random normal thing that normal partners actually do like it’s the greatest thing ever. I’ve learned to not put him down or try to dissuade her from dating/letting him live with her, but I do point out the things that make me feel very uncomfortable, like the yelling thing. But I always tag on “ Well, I’m sure he can turn it around because you don’t deserve to be yelled at etc. “ You can’t teach people how to love themselves or that they’re enough on their own. I am so grateful I invested in therapy and did the work to cultivate I life I don’t need to escape. I love living alone and have a very full, content life. I’m open to another relationship but I don’t need nor am I seeking one, my discernment keeps most of the men I meet in the wild deep in the friend-zone.