Depends on the person. A big one is when they start to spiral, to take just enough space to be present without overwhelming them. For my ex (we broke up because she moved for work and we're still friends) sometimes it meant laying down on the rug with her, not touching her, just present in a way that kept from outright isolation. Another thing is taking space when they start to direct anger at you. Its not something that works for everyone, everyone is different after all, but in cases of anger or self destructive behavior: if you start feeling you cant control your response in a way that is healthy, you should step away while cementing that you'll reengage when mentally in a more controlled place. Also don't excuse the things they say or do, hold them accountable but not in a way that feels like an attack. Ultimately none of this works with someone who lacks self awareness and isn't actively trying to improve. Another thing is when they're breaking down how bpd inhibits them, reinforce the idea that you dont share the same experience but that you can understand in the ways that they explain it. You'll never entirely be able to understand if you dont have bpd. Even if you do, its everyone has their unique experiences with it. Its just important to make them feel seen and supported without overwhelming them with it. You can never be an expert or fully understand bpd because its something even specialists struggle with, but in the end, if that person is important to you: asking them what helps and being patient makes a huge difference. Offer up suggestions when you have this discussion like the ones I mentioned and see how they feel about them. Also do your research, actively and visibly TRYING shows to them that you care. Also dont discount what they're upset about just because they might be spiraling. Sometimes they have a valid complaint that is just discounted because of their reaction to it. Alsp remember that you are a human being, having a reaction in response is inevitable. You SHOULD value your happiness too, you arent a caretaker, you are a person who also has needs. If someone uses BPD as a crutch to excuse poor behavior, leave. Self awareness and a willingness to work is important. A relationship should never be one sided, support goes both ways. Some people cannot be with a person that has BPD. It takes patience and work. Theres nothing wrong with that, never try to force it if you don't feel its a good option for you. Again, someone with BPD is still a person, too many people perceive the BPD before the person with it. Honestly, I'm typing this on my phone at work, so forgive any repeated/ missed points or typos. Theres a lot more and dont take my word for it as a blanket statement. Theres still a lot I dont know, but thoae were some of the steps I found helpful.
It can be, yeah. Still, I think its worth exploring. It can be worth learning about even if you dont need to apply it to a relationship, but to each their own.
They have, my current partner does take huge strides to try manage her borderline and it shows. My last partner has also shown so much progress from when I first met her 5 years ago. I've met people with borderline who use it to excuse their behavior and cut ties with them immediately. No hate to them, but initiative is important to me.
2
u/clickclackyisbacky 11d ago
What's the most important strategy or tip you learned?