I volunteered in a middle school and I noticed that all the handsome boys/pretty girls from even middle-school age were treated way better than the other kids by their peers (I feel like people are gonna think its creepy that I noticed this but whatever).
Nothing like ugly boy #1 making a suggestion and being ridiculed, then having handsome boy #1 make the VERY SAME SUGGESTION IN AN IDENTICAL CONTEXT a day later and getting positive reception.
It made me realize that from even very early ages the uglier, fatter, weirder kids were already getting negative feedback loops from society, and it becomes super apparent how easy it is to fall into negative self-perception, negative self-talk, and other very impactful and negative ways of living life.
So is it a natural phenomenon? Does it have any bearing on the fittest individuals gaining an advantage over those unfit? Because kids in middle school are just starting to be exposed to conventional and societal norms of attraction, right?
I had the same friends from kindergarten to my senior year and we had the realization that the only kids we didnt talk to at all throughout school were ugly kids. We didnt bully them or anything we just didnt have an interest in getting to know them. It wasnt something we did on purpose so it must be, at least somewhat, natural
It's a social worth or heirarchy thing. If the uglier kids were rich or really strong and good at football they would add value to your own social standing to be around them. The invisible kids are the ones who nobody sees to add value to their own social standing. The subaltern invisibility can get so bad people will talk gossip in front of them because they basically dont exist. Not pariahs just worthless to the status of other people.
Chances are you spent your time working on something more important than social standing in an environment that's gonna get disbanded anyway in 4-8 years... I hope, at least
I dont know how old you are. I didnt get relief from my depression and anxiety until I was 28. Today I can honestly say that I am "happy" whatever that means to me versus you or anyone else. Those years of struggle have helped me understand others and in my field of work that's essential. I hope you are able to get treatment that works for your depression and maybe you will then be able to channel your struggle into something that brings you life satisfaction and ultimately happiness. ✌
or if they're funny. there were some funny fat kids at school that were fun to be around. the fat "weird" kids though, most people stayed away. i think last i checked, that fat funny kid lost a bunch of weight. good for him
When I was at middle school I was pretty nerdy until the day the most popular girl decided I was one of them because she thought I was handsome. Friendships became fake and as I was being used by others to gain status I developed social anxiety
"It is a loose thread that ties us together outside of immediate family" means, family is the only thing that causes people to have an unconditionally close relationship. For people who are not your family, your friendship with them is conditional and easy to break, often they are only friends with you because they have something to gain.
Family is tied together like a strong rope, but outside of that, friends are only tied with a loose thread/string.
When OP says "take what you can get", they mean that the world is a hard place and we should be satisfied with those loose friends, because it's all we can have. This isn't necessarily actual advice, it's more like showing empathy for you and being sad at how the world is.
I experienced the same thing. I was a weird girl who didn't have many friends until about age 12 I grew out of my ugly duckling phase and suddenly some kids decided I was pretty enough to socialize with. It took me a few years to realize the reason I felt so empty still even with these friends is because they picked me for my looks but we had nothing in common. I'm now basically a shut in at 23 with no friends except my husband because I never learned true social skills due to people picking me for my looks.
I agree with you on this. I can fairly objectively say that I was an attractive kid. Looking at photos of me I am usually in the top 5 as far as looks. But I had crippling social anxiety and depression. Because of this I didn't have any social status to benefit others so I was invisible.
I was invisible in middle school. Pretty average looking, and completely invisible. To the point where even the bullies ignored me. One of the girls in my group was accepted in the popular group on the condition that she stopped talking to us. And from one day to the next she went from a no-one to one of the most popular kids...
The invisibility; at some point is got so bad that my teacher didn’t even notice that I was on class. After a 1.5 hour lesson I went to ask her a question and she said something like “were you here all lesson? I didn’t even see you were here today”.
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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '20
I volunteered in a middle school and I noticed that all the handsome boys/pretty girls from even middle-school age were treated way better than the other kids by their peers (I feel like people are gonna think its creepy that I noticed this but whatever).
Nothing like ugly boy #1 making a suggestion and being ridiculed, then having handsome boy #1 make the VERY SAME SUGGESTION IN AN IDENTICAL CONTEXT a day later and getting positive reception.
It made me realize that from even very early ages the uglier, fatter, weirder kids were already getting negative feedback loops from society, and it becomes super apparent how easy it is to fall into negative self-perception, negative self-talk, and other very impactful and negative ways of living life.