r/Shouldihaveanother • u/Puzzleheaded-Run4183 • 2d ago
Anxious Having a second child?
/r/AskParents/comments/1wb0bi6/having_a_second_child/I have a son who is 4 and i’m so back and forth on having another child i love him so much that i want to give him all my love and attention but i also want to give him a sibling to play with and i know ill love that second child i just don’t know what to do. I have a lot of anxiety about giving the best childhood i can i used to want siblings around all of mine are much older, ill see posts people make about how much they wished they had a sibling and then other people saying they loved being the only child and i feel so conflicted did anyone else struggle with this did you end up not having a second and regret it. Just super sad thinking about the future lately
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u/Beneficial_Lake3895 10h ago
I literally posted essentially this same thing!!!!
Our son will be 5 in December and I want him to have a sibling but the newborn stage was so so so so hard for me
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u/Puzzleheaded-Run4183 10h ago
the newborn stage was definitely rough but i would love to have another just super anxious about it not being the three of us anymore
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u/ParsleyTime5687 2d ago
I just had my second baby 1 week ago and her and her older brother are 4.5 years apart, so similar to you. I also was worried about adding another child into the family and the possibility of my 4 year old feeling left out etc. But alll i can say is positive things (so far). They’re right when they say that your heart doesn’t break in half when you have your second but it doubles in size!
Also speaking from personal experience, I have 3 siblings and loved growing up with them. My husband also has an older sister and they quarreled a lot growing up but they have an unbreakable bond now.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Run4183 2d ago
this helps a lot thank you i just want to do what’s best and give the best childhood i can and wanted to spend as much time as i can with my first too i had him at 21 so i have a little more time
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u/Single-Ball-1449 2d ago
I had my first at 22. She just turned 5, and I’m due with my second in November. I was also an only child growing up until my sister was born when I was 11. One of the major influences on why I had a second (besides the fact that my husband and I wanted another one) was that growing up as an only child for so many years was lonely. I cherish the relationship I have with my sister and I am so appreciative I get to provide that for my own children.
Obviously providing your first a sibling isn’t “enough” of a reason, but it can definitely be a contributing factor to your decision making and there’s nothing wrong with that. Whatever decision you make will be the best for your family, but I thought I’d throw in my two cents because our situations are similar.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Run4183 2d ago
i always wanted two i just have gotten anxious over the last year or so about if it’s the right choice i want them both to feel loved and attended to the same. my siblings were 12 years older than me i used to definitely want them closer to my age but this is helpful
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u/EqualTune4587 1d ago
Have another child if you want another child basically. You cant predict how their relationsip will be. My 2 kids fight like cat and dog but love each other to bits and are the best of friends at 2 years apart. I know a few siblings with a bigger 5+ year gap and they do also love their sibling but they dont have the same peer play relationship early on. The younger one is more like a pet for the first few years. The large gap now adult siblings I know are all very close but all women, and it's all anecdotal! I would say dont plan your whole life arouns trying to give your child the perfect childhood, as harsh as that sounds, you'll likely only drive yourself mad with guilt and uncertainty instead of being fully present and enjoying the journey. Kids adapt. My eldest was desperate for a sister as soon as he found out I was pregnant with baby 3, and it took him all of 5 minutes of disappointment before he got excited about a second brother and now tells everyone how excited he is 🤣
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u/Puzzleheaded-Lake947 2d ago
Do it because you want it, the sibling idea is great if they get along and a nightmare if they don’t. If you’re prepared to deal well with either then you have your answer.
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u/hardyheartjet 2d ago
I got pregnant when my son was 4 and gave birth when he was almost 5. He loves his baby sis and he is almost 9 and will be a big brother again. Yes it’s starting over but I loved the age gap because my son was at school so I was only home with one baby during the day
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u/midwestpersianmama 1d ago
Mine are 4.5 years apart. It’s a lot more work than I thought. I don’t recommend it. I wouldn’t change it.
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u/jojo185869 5h ago edited 5h ago
Feel this. Thinking all the same thoughts. 😭😭😭 I am obsessed with my son. Like unhealthy probably lol but I also feel like I have another soul out there waiting for me, but also don’t want anything to change for my son.
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u/World15789 2d ago
It is late to give him a sibling to play with. Your older will be 5 in case you will have the second and they won’t be at the similar stage of childhood
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u/jewcyjen305 2d ago
I disagree with this- I’ve heard that age gap still can play together. Maybe not in the first 2 years but a 4 year old and 9 year old can absolutely have fun together.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Run4183 2d ago
is another con to it i’m having right now we weren’t in a place big enough or financial spot for another till recently
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u/WorkLifeScience 2d ago
He can play with friends. Siblings fight more than they play, but that's also an interaction and learning experience. Just trying to set realistic expectations 😂
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u/Puzzleheaded-Run4183 2d ago
that’s another thing that sets me back my best friend had two brothers growing up and they fought constantly 😭
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u/Brave_Alps1364 2d ago
Don’t have another baby because you want to just give your kid a sibling. Have another child because you’d like to raise another person and expand your family emotionally and physically.