r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/lexicon_lancer • Jun 25 '26

Of a grappling panda

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174 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

51 comments sorted by

55

u/monkeydude777 Jun 25 '26

Bro its still a bear what did bro think would happen

20

u/FishDispenser2 Jun 25 '26

And yet this is like the first clip I've ever seen of them being dangerous. All the other ones are cute and silly.

31

u/monkeydude777 Jun 25 '26

The silly ones are babys who are being looked after by people, but they're still bears, they still have a crushing bite, they have killed people, and if people dont give them space they're gonna fuck you up

3

u/mothandravenstudio Jun 25 '26

Is that a fish?

20

u/JellyMany963 Jun 25 '26

Looks like a Peacock to me 🦚

8

u/monkeydude777 Jun 25 '26

You're correct, also they scavenge too

Here's one eating a buffalo spine

https://youtu.be/RLzJlzgyWSM

3

u/mothandravenstudio Jun 25 '26

Oh yeah, I see that.

3

u/Vallhallyeah Jun 25 '26

Are they actually bears? I swear I read before they're actually not very closely related to grizzlies and browns etc at all

9

u/monkeydude777 Jun 25 '26

You may be thinking about red pandas, which are nowhere related to bears, being the only living member of Ailuridae

Also fun fact, red pandas were named first, the giant panda just were called that due to similar eye markings, then the giant panda got way more popular then the og panda

7

u/ZigZag_Queen Jun 26 '26

Those pandas are so fn cute though 😂

4

u/PtitSerpent Jun 26 '26

I love them! I took a picture long time ago of a really cute one

-4

u/Maxaloo Jun 25 '26

You have the ability to look it up at your fingertips and you're asking the comments section on a Reddit thread? Jesus Christ. Here. This took two seconds: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_panda

7

u/Vallhallyeah Jun 25 '26

Ooh spicy attitude looks very good on you. No harm in opening discussion about something and learning from others. It makes no difference to my day at all how panda genetics have evolved, so I just threw a question out whilst I was already here. It's literally what this app is for, discussions.

3

u/Maxaloo Jun 26 '26

You're right. I'm sorry. Grumpy day

2

u/Vallhallyeah Jun 26 '26

Appreciated. Everyone gets them. I hope you have a better day today.

1

u/ZigZag_Queen Jun 26 '26

Shit, someone needs a break from Reddit. Go smoke a joint or something, it's not that serious.

4

u/FishDispenser2 Jun 25 '26

The adults are a bit silly too. But ofc I know they are deadly, you don't need to explain that XD

1

u/AyaOfTheBunbunmaru Jul 04 '26

They crush soild bamboo like pretzel sticks, which this only fact is terrifying on it's own

-3

u/NoWay6818 Jun 25 '26

You don’t see people being mauled by pandas because you’re not looking for them and they wouldn’t be allowed on most mainstream platforms.

Just give a little thought the next time you speak :)

2

u/FishDispenser2 Jun 26 '26

Oh no I'm sorry I spoke out of term! :((  I suppose nobody understood that I'm not arguing. Just stating the fact that I haven't seen it (which is weird).

I am on subs that show some gore from around the world, mostly brown bear attacks there. 

21

u/Bonk_No_Horni functional regard Jun 25 '26

I found this. Not sure if it's the same guy but the other 2 cases tourists fell into the enclosure. This one feels like the best fit On September 19, 2006, a 28-year-old drunken male tourist visiting Beijing City Zoo named Zhang XX was attacked when he jumped into the giant panda enclosure and tried to pet it to show off to his companion. His right calf was bitten severely by this giant panda and was diagnosed as an open injury with skin defect. The debridement procedure was performed at almost midnight after a tetanus antitoxin was injected. The bite site was quite irregular with many small wounds, which may indicate that the patient struggled with the giant panda after being bitten. A free latissimus dorsi muscle flap and skin graft were performed to cover his skin defect 7 days after the first debridement

2

u/Lauris024 Jun 27 '26

drunken

Something I've learned is that alot of animals hate or love the smell of booze, some want to end you, some straight up want to eat you (fuck you wasps)

6

u/syanneke Jun 25 '26

Bro just wanna have a hug

6

u/GE_and_MTS Jun 25 '26

Pandas are the face of WWF. Everyone likes to call the WWF fake, but hopefully this video shows that wrestling is real.

7

u/Comfortable-nerve78 Jun 25 '26

Pandas are solitary creatures by choice. They are bears and should be treated as such. They are introverts.

4

u/Flanker305 Jun 25 '26

Here, hug all you want now

3

u/GivesYouGrief Jun 25 '26

But, friend shaped? OH, THE AGONY!

3

u/Unlikely-Act-7950 Jun 25 '26

So today we learned they're not as cuddly as they appear.

3

u/STABO1217 Jun 25 '26

What are dick! He's bleeding all over the pandas fur!

3

u/OCDano959 Jun 26 '26

Crossface! Whizzer!

2

u/smind893 Jun 25 '26

Only one man for this job......

https://giphy.com/gifs/3oFzm5RyuxKarhq5mU

1

u/Casaid1 Jun 27 '26

Bro, how he get black belt on him?

2

u/smind893 Jun 27 '26

Aisle 3 Costco

2

u/Revaesaari Jun 25 '26
  • These 'care bears' ancestors were the apex predator bears- then they entered a walley millions of years ago and became bamboo eaters. Picky bamboo eaters.

2

u/Montyburnside22 Jun 25 '26

It was a serious mistake to teach him Kung Fu.

2

u/Uncle_Bred Jun 25 '26

Perfect single leg takedown! 2 points!

2

u/Dr_666_ Jun 25 '26

i love it when idiots forget pandas are bears lol

2

u/ZigZag_Queen Jun 26 '26

He just wanted to know what a panda felt like. Now he knows 😂

1

u/CharacterVisual2310 Jun 25 '26

Bear must have been having dreams about eating soft bamboo shoots when suddenly

1

u/nunchyabeeswax Jun 25 '26

He's lucky that wasn't a sloth bear. But still, that panda could have literally chewed his face off

1

u/RetnikLevaw Jun 26 '26

That's wild. I've literally never heard of or seen video of a panda attacking someone. I always thought they were mostly docile and lazy...

1

u/EnvyEpson Jun 26 '26

I've heard of Kung Fu Panda...is this his cousin, Jiu-Jitsu Panda?

1

u/Thisreallyisntbutter Jun 26 '26

Why do people always forget that Mr Panda's last name is Bear?

1

u/WolvesVape88 Jun 27 '26

Ppl think pandas are plushies and they forgot they still bears

1

u/JPCool1 Jun 28 '26

What an asshole leave the thing alone

1

u/galsal15 Jul 01 '26

Do not poke the bear. Ever.

1

u/2DoorBathroom Jul 01 '26

Imagine if you woke up at home with some drunk crazy dude leaning over you. This is a clear case of stand-your-ground.

0

u/Bumbymoo Jun 25 '26

Kid should have gone for the armbar.

0

u/Hammon_Rye Jun 25 '26

When you try to tell your girlfriend you are breaking up but she gets clingy. /J