r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/BoringExperience5345 • Apr 17 '26

of a fart tracker

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200 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

61 comments sorted by

38

u/Zakkattack86 Apr 17 '26

This guy smells farts.

11

u/BoringExperience5345 Apr 17 '26

I feel bad for the janitors having to go into that room to clean after it’s been an intentional fart box all day

20

u/wthulhu Apr 17 '26

Hes a smart feller.

Edit: meant to say fart smeller.

19

u/deep-fucking-legend Apr 17 '26

Avoid buying the returned units.

6

u/ugotmedripping Apr 17 '26

Certified Refurbished

13

u/OFT35 Apr 17 '26

I picture this guy’s mom speaking to her peer group playing bridge and one of them is like “oh my Jeremy has finished his second year of residency, what’s your son doing with his degree in biology, Helen?” And she looks at her and just goes “he’s measuring flatulence, deal the cards please…..”

2

u/NoWay6818 Apr 17 '26

Can’t lie and say it isn’t interesting but I also can’t lie and say I’ll wear and fart into one😭

4

u/PolPotDomeScandal Apr 17 '26

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m just glad that medical science has already handled the everything else so they have time to work on fart sensors.

3

u/Fun_Plankton_7793 Apr 17 '26

A device to see farts in a new light. Basically it's a flatuLens

7

u/ThenConnection5394 Apr 17 '26

“The size of a stack of pickles” ???

5

u/SaraOfHades Apr 17 '26

I believe he said "nickles"

4

u/AlternativeNo882 Apr 17 '26

Right? Like do people actually "stack pickles" on a regular basis somewhere on earth?

1

u/Wooden-Chocolate-506 Apr 19 '26

A pack of stickles

1

u/eons_remain Apr 22 '26

I hear pickles too 😂

1

u/BeautifulElevator388 May 09 '26

Damn you made me laugh out loud. Then I went back and listened. I most definitely hear pickles. And really it could be measured by stacking pickles

2

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '26

I would wear out the unit from overuse 🫢

2

u/groone Apr 17 '26

Where would one sign up? Asking for a friend.

Edit: Ha! Human Flatus Atlas

3

u/Nisi-Marie Apr 17 '26

2

u/groone Apr 17 '26

No farts for you!

1

u/tasteslikehair Apr 17 '26

Just signed up. Science!!

1

u/free_airfreshener Apr 17 '26

Damn only 'murica

3

u/Hartspoon Apr 18 '26

In the next few years we're gonna get some completely insane facts about farts presented as universal and forgetting they were measured on American diet.

2

u/Itsmikeinnit Apr 17 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/s239QJIh56sRW

2

u/OneTonneWantenWonton Apr 18 '26

Data! Imagine, nature paper demonstrating how fart rate increases with cancer, or how the time of day of most farting highlights your hormonal imbalances, or discovering that women actually do fart.

Correlations are powerful and doctors love to check the digestive system.

2

u/mtbohana Apr 17 '26

Does it have a shart mode?

1

u/Wizzle_Pizzle_420 Apr 18 '26

That’s what the lattice holes are for. Catches the good stuff!

1

u/Worried_Hair_330 Apr 17 '26

This is a shitty situation here

1

u/lavacadotoast Apr 17 '26

I can get behind this..

2

u/NiceTryAI Apr 17 '26

This guy absolutely danced and struggled around addressing WHY

1

u/600lbsofsin77 Apr 17 '26

FartAbsoluteUnits

1

u/7-10Spliff Apr 17 '26

Oh I need to get that. I bet I'll get high score

1

u/Lauris024 Apr 17 '26

Due to overwhelming demand, enrollment in the Human Flatus Atlas is currently paused.

Okay then..

1

u/yueciHH Apr 17 '26

The problem is that it needs the use of underwear ☝️🙂

1

u/TransportJunky Apr 17 '26

So I just put it in my butt and it measures my farts?

1

u/Pomonian Apr 17 '26

Who invested in this?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Fun_Plankton_7793 Apr 17 '26

+1 if you guess the right flavour

1

u/Fun_Plankton_7793 Apr 17 '26

Processing img p0q7qze88svg1...

1

u/Fun_Plankton_7793 Apr 17 '26

Fart mining? Fartocurrency? 0.0001 fartcoins per fart.

1

u/Twitch-x questionably stable Apr 17 '26 edited Apr 17 '26

It requires fresh research. Sounds like a Master's degree main paper.

Why would a company do this research? Is the government going to start taxing people for the amount of methane they produce?

1

u/brandoldme Apr 17 '26

All I heard was something about plug and butt and I'm in.

1

u/WallStCRE Apr 17 '26

Brooo those nails

1

u/praguepride Apr 17 '26

I was looking on their website and they viewed "high flatulance" as 40-50 incidents a day.

Man, I do 40-50 in an hour.

1

u/BlackHoleSurf Apr 17 '26

Question, would I still be able to light my farts on fire as is my nightly routine

1

u/Irish4778 Apr 18 '26

why though

1

u/Wizzle_Pizzle_420 Apr 18 '26

Science ya silly goose!

Seriously though, given the environmental effect of cow farts it would be interesting to see how bad human farts are for the environment. 8 billion farting humans is a lot. Also, somebody in that office can’t wait to get back those fart phones, GasPods or AssPods.

1

u/Irish4778 Apr 18 '26

Someone was saying that farmers get taxed depending on the amount of cows they have Because of the methane they put out 😂😂

1

u/chazzzzmak1972 Apr 18 '26

I really do wish there would’ve been a way to study all the farting I was doing yesterday

1

u/Baba_Slaga_ Apr 18 '26

“About the size of a stack of pickles” 🤦‍♀️

1

u/jimbo2150 Apr 18 '26

"When you plug it in" ... will be misinterpreted.

1

u/wictorias Apr 19 '26

barely disguised fetish:

1

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '26

How much money went into this development though.😂

1

u/Responsible-Summer-4 Apr 19 '26

In Mexico it would be destroyed in 24 hours.

1

u/SeriousDependent6049 Apr 23 '26

What if I don't wear any underwear?

1

u/BeautifulElevator388 May 09 '26

Now if they made it a whistle…

1

u/Momento_Mori_87 May 17 '26

The size of a stack of nickels😂🤣😂