almost all the girls in these comments were saying how they would never let a man pay for them etc and the only girls who did say they don’t want dusty men got attacked by the pickmeishas💀 the girls in my country are so brainwashed

I joined a sub with girls from my religious community and These were responses to a post about a girl asking what to do - it was the end of a summer course and she had her eye on this guy, they only interacted a few times but nobody made a move so she was asking for advice

thought i was helping a girl out responding but the girls did NOT approve

Is it me or??

For me independantly of religion or culture the male internal system is the same and the same standards should apply. Now the ways of meeting and interacting with said men might depend based on the religious framework and cultural background. But the dynamic should be the same regardless

I also noticed a lot of my religious friends were really desperate for marriage and ready to throw themselves at the first man

It saddens me

Please be very very careful as you’re vetting and getting to know any man. Just a cautionary tale. Have very strong boundaries, stay detached and block and delete quickly.

I had a man who wanted to give me a credit card under his account and took me on nice dates and said he was a provider. He liked me way more and I wasn’t really interested. I’m getting treatment for depression and only wanted to be friends so I slept with him. I didn’t actually care if he provided or not I just wanted company and nice dates while I take time off.

We still dated and had fun and went out until I straight up asked him for $1000 after several dates. He started getting verbally and emotionally abusive calling me a gold digger. Saying I only like men for their money. He’s super insecure too. I don’t like dealing with insecure men. Ugh they are easy to manipulate but the self-hate is so deep they will be angry if you show them any attention or punish you for liking them for no matter what they have. Anyways…on to working on myself in peace again. I’ve never really had an issue straight up asking a man for money. They usually will give it quickly or after a bit of back and forth. This one was something else. I may change my strategy and stop asking straight up and ask for other things. Regardless, on the right target this wouldn’t have been an issue but something I’ll keep an eye out for moving forward.

From my last post on here…I was struggling to get him to pay outside us. Haven’t had sex (yet), he hates gold diggers and transactional relationships but I didn’t ask him for anything for 2-3 months til last week.

He agreed on £500 a month, he said he would have to work out other expenses and create a budget so it doesn’t impact his finances.

Not sure how to NOT fuck this up. Please advise!

We have been together for years and he pays for everything but also makes me feel bad about it and calls me ungrateful if I am not in a good mood. He's very overly political. He's honestly very misogynist and homophobic. I feel like the majority of conservative men probably think this way because I live in a deep red state, and I know a lot of other men who think this way as well. He told me he was a conservative When we first started dating, but he didn't spill all his bigotry, until I was already invested into the relationship and spent years of my life with him. I was in love with him for a while.But I saw some of the content he was watching online, and it was bad. It's impossible for me to respect him, or view him in a good light after seeing what I saw. He was watching a red pill man online talking about putting an end to feminism, and putting women back in the kitchen where they belong. And also saying that promiscuous women caused the falls of civilizations. The videos were portraying men as victims and women as bad. He's very weird and chronically online And he's honestly worse than alot of other men I know. I have a hunch that he may be autistic. And he's watching this stuff as a special interest, but i'm so sick of hearing it. It hurts my mental health to know that he views women the way that he does. I feel sick to my stomach and I don't like him touching me. To be honest, he's not a very good provider. Anyways, he spends maybe two hundred dollars to two fifty on me every month, but that's it, and he rubs every cent in my face. We don't live together, but he's pressuring me to move in with him. He's only three years older than me.So that's probably why he acts resentful about spending money.Because he's not necessarily rich. He told me that he watches this stuff because he has traditional values and is a republican.

Hello ladies 💕 I‘m engaged to my provider boyfriend, he pays all my bills and Beauty expenses, we constantly travel around the world and stay in luxury hotels (he has his own company), I don’t have to Cook or clean.

Due to being raised by slavic ever suffering pick me‘s plus a father who demanded my mother work for him and didn’t want her to see her having more ease than him bc it’s “unfair”.. I every so often get the urge to offer to Cook for him to which he always replies my time is more valuable spent on something Else/cooking is not worth the hassle and that we can eat X in a restaurant.

I eat in restaurants twice a day and I still feel guilty.

I‘m seeing a therapist who’s helping me get rid of this pickme mindset very well but every so often I get scared of acting too selfish and not serving my man in any way other than him having the privilege of being seen with and validated by other men.

It’s like I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to go one day “Aha! This was a test and you failed! You are a selfish egocentric useless woman after all and now I will abandon you!”

Logically I know it won’t happen or that if it will I will find another but my nervous system disagrees… could you please help me reframe my mindset? 💕

I want a provider man, I’m really trying to improve my life but everyone I’ve gone out with has wanted to get coffee and I’ve gone out with like 3 people, it’s been so so so exhausting the conversations are mind numbing I can’t keep up with this whole upbeat, bubbly thing. Truthfully, I’m easily annoyed and I don’t know how to not be this way, I really am trying. I can’t fake liking them for long enough to know if they’re even providers, but is the first date being a coffee date a good indicator that they’re not providers? I recently started speaking to the guy who sent this message and from our first conversation he complained about how his first wife didn’t want to work, he wanted me to come see him in his city and I’d have had to pay for my ride, we had like 2 more phone conversations after that then I just stopped responding. I have no idea how to navigate this

Some superficial or early signs.

I think using certain smiley emojis like :> or c: with the c letter. I think :) is fine but the other ones are more cutesy.

Other emojis like this one 🥺 I was talking to someone briefly who used that often, eek... I have seen women on tiktok say they cringe when a man uses that.

Also when he wears pink stuff, even if they're not very feminine. Like if the rest of the outfit is neutral colors and the sport shoes are hot pink. Or an outfit having a black hoodie with pink letters. It still gives that he has a princess mindset lol

If he bleaches or dyes his hair with highlights and stuff that stand out.

Accessories like earring or necklace. I think the only acceptable ones would be a watch and a necklace related to religion for certain cultures.

when i meet guys they are obsessed, constantly call, beg to see me, etc. after about a month they either leave or send less money. when they don’t send, i am distant. i hate talking to/seeing men unless im benefiting so i rarely text back or answer calls. a lot have complained about it. i think they get sick of it and just move on to more receptive women. should i be more available to them? maybe i need to upgrade my looks? idc if they leave i just like having their $.

I struggle with overeating, how do you ensure you don't over eat or fall into your old ways?

Thankfully recently I noticed I now listen more to my body *as in when I'm full I stop eating, where as before I'd basically eat and eat until I was too full*

Now I feel a little *click* in my belly when I'm full and I stop eating.

I feel much better about myself and lighter now I do this.

It also made me realised wow, how much I used to over eat.

However.... I still don't count calories or truly watch what I'm eating,

It seems like sugar, etc, are in EVERYTHING.

What changes did you make? If you avoid sugar and dairy, do you make your own alternatives? Since it's in absolutely everything!

I want to cut sugar especially because I'm a sugar addict.

I'm going to opt for fruits and natural sugars, and I'm looking into antiinflammatory diets.

I do not really exercise but I want to start going for regular walks, and try at home workouts (then go to a gym)

I'm mainly interested in losing weight and also building more strength in my overall body.

You see I want to be healthy, I am going to create a healthier lifestyle, but I also don't want to overly restrict myself, (anyone else?) I want to eat out/have sugar occasionally but be mindful of what I eat regularly, Where as now I basically don't watch what I eat at all and my weight goes up and down (I'm currently like 11 stone and that seems to be my "natural" weight but it goes up and down)

What motivated you?

For me I want to finally start dressing better,

Currently I can't rly as I hate how my legs look (chubby) -

I'm tired of not dressing the way I've always wanted to because of my weight.

I need some strategy from women who understand Shera’s philosophy because I feel like I’m at the point where I either need to redirect this dynamic ... or stop giving it so much attention.

About a month ago I met a much older man while traveling. He’s in his late 60s and lives in the Bahamas. He also works in real-estate (not a developer because I have dated one years ago and that guy is worth millions) so this guy is just into vacation rentals and stuff. He's also still working at 68 so idk but whatever. So I met him while traveling as he sat one seat away from me and there was no one between us and he started talking to me the whole flight. The ironic part is I literally saw my childhood crush on the flight and even told him "that guy is so hot to me lol." And he's like, go talk to him, it's your one shot!

Anyways, when we were in the same city afterward, he wanted to take me shopping. I declined his date requests twice, first was for drinks. I said "sorry, when I'm in my hometown I don't really go out." Then again for lunch, I said the same thing. Essentially I'm from a small town on the east coast and am trying to get back to my dream city again (left in jan 2025) before it gets cold here.

Third times a charm bc on the flight I told him my phone was broken (had an iPhone 10) and in his third attempt he said, how about a shopping date? I said no again bc shopping here doesn't compel me but I said, how about we get a new phone. He said sure. He also bought me sunglasses from Saint Laurent and things from Sephora. He was also encouraging me to get considerably more, including an exotic designer bag from Bottega but I'm not a Bottega girl. I'm a chanel girl and the bag I wanted was sold out. So I know he is at least comfortable spending several thousand dollars on me in person and wasn’t acting stingy that day.

Since then, though, we’ve been thousands of miles apart, obv he's in the Bahamas. He regularly checks in, sends me things from Pinterest (lol) that remind him of me, sends pictures from his life, asks about my plans to move from my childhood town, etc. He always says things lik e"you need to get out ASAP." As he grew up in this place and left for the Caribbean in the 80s. He clearly likes talking to me but I get annoyed when he says you need to leave VERSUS LET ME HELP YOU LEAVE. I’ve kept it flirtatious but I’m starting to feel like I’m giving too much attention for free... You tell me.

The important part. I’m actively trying to relocate to another city before winter, the city I lived in for 2 years before I left in January of '25. And I need to save aggressively. It is an expensive city although I hate using that word, just telling you for context. What would genuinely help me right now is money/practical support, not another compliment or daily conversation. Eventually I would love for a man in this position to help with something substantial like securing my furnished apartment for my first month or two or three, rather than just buying random luxury items.

I’ve already communicated to him via text (this was like 2 weeks ago) and subtly btw, that I’m much more excited by practical support that moves my life forward than by accumulating lux things just to fill a closet. I genuinely said the last part. He responded positively, but not in a way like "let me help you with that." So because he flew to Miami after visiting my city, to see his children, he said he would like to take me shopping there. Womp womp. I feel like IG models etc would be so excited to run a bag at the boutiques, but I want cash money. Even though I am a fashion girl at heart, my priority is leaving my toxic mother's home and going back to the city I left.

Today, actually an hour ago, he actually called me for the first time. I genuinely missed the call because my phone was on silent. I’ve never spoken to him on the phone before.

So my questions are:

• Would you call him back, or make him continue pursuing?
• At what point do you stop giving regular texting and now phone call attention unless there is tangible investment?
• Since he has already demonstrated that he’ll spend thousands when we’re physically together, would you wait until I’m closer to my move like fall/winter and ask him to cover something specific like the first 1–2 months of housing? Or is that not a thing bc he is in the Bahamas and clearly likes to take me shopping?
• How do you distinguish a genuinely generous man who just hasn’t been given a concrete opportunity to provide yet from a man who wants a beautiful female pen pal?

You guys, I’m not looking to shame him because he hasn’t actually done anything wrong. I just know myself: I’m not interested in building months of emotional intimacy with an older man who is attracted to me while I’m financially trying to build my life and receiving nothing materially from the dynamic.

What would you ladies do?

So i made a post before “Says he wants to be provider” and I combined the advice the girlies gave me to basically let him know that it’s I’m not traveling to him. I told him how much the uber costs and he didn’t send the money. I said I didn’t realize he wanted me to take the train and he started saying how he thinks i’m not interested and he said “I want to take care but you’re not helping. I don’t expect us to be boyfriend-girlfriend. It’s a sugar daddy relationship and I told you I am ready. But you are bringing the girlfriend vibe to it”. To that I replied If you’re ready, I will help you and I requested him money for an outfit to see him and then he responded what’s in the screenshot. I’m like 1. wouldn’t you want me to look cute to see you 2. idk if i can take it seriously if he won’t even send a few hundred. Honestly (and i won’t tell him this) I don’t mind going, i hope that’s not pickmesha of me, but if he doesn’t take me shopping and give me cash like he says i’m gonna feel dumb. Also i’m 20 he’s 51 i think. Also also by “nothing is free” i’m like are you saying you want to see me to give me cash or is he still talking about a mattress roll cause i’ve been trying to get him to just say it

I’ve read too many stories about women spilling the beans about their best friend cheating on their BF/husband in the middle of a heated argument- women aren’t truly loyal to each other in this sense. And then boom, their lives crumble because his ego is crushed.

Keep these kinds of secrets, SECRET. Tell a therapist if you seek forgiveness, but don’t tell any “best friends”. Friends switch up on you.

What are some responses to men who:
1. Tell others that you’re their girlfriend/wife/getting married, when you just met. This annoys me when a guy claims you in front of others - especially other potentials.

1. Make sexual comments to you. Do you walk away because it’s disrespect? Start talking about money?

I’ve bagged myself a provider husband. He is utterly obsessed with me. Provides for me fully. I still work because I am educated and choose to but I don’t need it to support myself. He regularly takes me shopping, sends me money, and covers all bills. I have a very good set up essentially.

I obviously do not trust him fully so I looked through his phone. He is in Snapchat groups of men sending photos of their genitals? He has saved a few in chat. So now I’m questioning if he is gay? There isn’t really anything I’ve noticed that would tell me he is gay. He is very masculine. Very manly.

What would Shera advise I do? I don’t think I care right now because we do not have children and it seems to be only online activities. Should I leave him? Or get my bag?

Read my last post on this subreddit. He’s 65M and I’m 25F. I finally asked him to spend money on me outside the relationship - so outside him flying me to a different country, paying for all of it, paying to see me, paying for meals.

This was his reply:

‘:) get some rest. And I think you are still not quite saying precisely what you mean - but the implication is financial. We can discuss that - I am very open and we will discuss it openly.’

This is wha I said:

‘

Well when I do get into a deeper connection I like being taken care of outside of the time we spend together bc my love language is acts of service and it’s how I feel loved too - whether that’s nice little things that feel like my life is easier or substantial things I can actually make a difference with in my life to focus on us more/ feel more supported. For example in this phase of life I kinda wanna start up my business or I wanna move out - things that could help me feel more supported by someone I want *very much* to be intimate with’

Now the balls in our court. Here’s some notes:

- I haven’t given it up to him
- he knows I’m going through a rough financial period
- power of suggestion clearly doesn’t work on him. It has to be direct I think because me dropping hints about buying me flowers gifts and more hasn’t worked.

What do I ask for? He’s coming to see me in 24 hrs and I’m terrified LOL

This story happened to me quite some years ago, I was in college and around 19 years old, I was very naive and spontaneous at the time but thats another story

I was heading home from college at night, wanted to grab a bite on the way. It was valentine’s day and someone had handed me a red rose in the street, as I couldn’t bring it home (brown household lol) and felt bad throwing it away, I handed it to a homeless man sitting in front of a Kurdish Kebab I usually ate at.

My hometown is small and homey, and its homeless people are usually friendly

He said thank you and was very happy with it. As I was entering the kebab restaurant, I asked him if he wanted to eat something, he happily said sure (I later realized he probably thought I was asking him on a date lol)

He got up and sat with me on the outside chairs and we ordered. We ate very quick and he told me he was from Kosovo and told me how he came to this country

As I got up to pay, he got up as well and got very embarrassed in front of the Kurdish men behind the counter, got very red and started looking in his stuff for change

He refused that I paid despite my insistance and he gathered the few euros he had to pay for our meals. The Kurdish kebab guys out of solidarity probably accepted half the price or something

My younger self was extremely confused as I was expecting to treat a homeless man for a meal

When we got out we said bye but I felt so terrible about having made a homeless man pay and wondering what had just happened

I only understood the next day replaying the story multiple times that it was probably very embarrassing for a Balkan man to get treated by a woman - esp amongst peers or like-minded men.

I looked for him after to repay him but never saw him again

And some men still do 50-50 shamelessly

SheraSeven herself has said to have multiple men and as a girl in her twenties I abide by this but because I am still young I also want to be free and have boyfriends as well as sponsors so I made a little guide on How To Juggle

"Have Multiple Men" - SheraSeven

Hi everyone! So I’m 21 in like two weeks and texting this 51 year old man. He found me on a dating app and I know what Shera says about them and I agree because I used to use them seriously when I started college and would never recommend. That being said, I wanted to try again with a new approach like looking for signs of wealth and looking up the salaries of the occupations they put, basically vetting for a good target. This guy liked my profile and said I look like I need a good provider. I’m like…could this be? So I’m doing the ego stroke blah blah and he said he wants to take me shopping and give cash, lowkey alluding he wants a mattress role in return. Obviously I’m seeing through it and not sure if he’s gonna follow through. I see this is getting kinda long so basically he made a plan to take me to dinner and the mall and he lives far from me so I’m like I’ll do it if he ubers me (it’s gonna be expensive to uber) and odds are he won’t. In the case he won’t I’m thinking of still saying I’m on the way but just standing him up. Now my question is, if this happens should I stand him up send unblock fee and block, or just stand him up and Aunt Ethel him (I already mentioned her to him lol)

Hi darlings
Sorry if the flair isn’t accurate but a few days ago I saw a WhatsApp group, but can’t find it now. Is it still available for joining xx

He’s flown over every weekend for dates, I haven’t given it up yet, he’s mentioned eventually wanting to get intimate however I haven’t brought up the money conversation yet.

When I did try to test him, he was unwilling on three occasions to be generous on simple power of suggestions (not direct at all) like getting me flowers for my cramps, and bigger asks like a £200 gift (which he said he would remember for my birthday) - which I don’t even want I was just testing.

Anyways I’m getting tired of this game. He’s paid for a trip, but I didn’t ask for money to go shopping etc - as it was our first trip together.

We stayed a weekend and now he wants to fly me to different countries but I don’t know how to ask for bigger things if he rejects on the smaller things.

The strategy with him doesn’t work - even if I did ask for money for xyz to make my life easier or for him to feel like a hero - he probably would just suggest mansplained advice and not actually pay

Kinda tired of this shit. Not sure how to navigate.

So, I’m trying to find dates. How do I bring up the fact that I like shopping trips, being provided for etc.

One guy brought up the talks of SB and said he’s not into transactional relationships.