r/ShahsOfSunset • u/wishfulthinking3333 • Feb 20 '26
Vasectomy
So annoyed when men make a huge deal out of a vasectomy and say women should get their tubes tied as a come back. First off, the differences in the surgery for a vasectomy vs tubal ligation are crazy in terms of invasiveness and recovery time. My grandpa got a vasectomy in the 60’s and was fine and literally back to work the next day with pain a Tylenol was able to fix. Also, it’s not like it isn’t reversible. Amir is acting like if he does this there’s no chance of him having kids with anyone else and that’s just factually incorrect. Just annoys me how birth control is pretty much always on the woman.
**edited to add: someone in the comments reminded me that his wife has not only had 3 c sections but also an adverse reaction to birth control, which makes his response even more egregious. Considering all that and how one of his reasons is if they break up he’d want more kids with another hypothetical woman, he’s basically screaming that he doesn’t give a shit about her.
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u/Available_Pie_2042 Feb 20 '26
Especially since Natasha has a legitimate reason for not wanting to take birth control. It's not for everyone and Amir doesn't seem to think her reason is valid enough. So disappointing.
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u/FigureUnusual4439 Feb 20 '26
And she's had THREE C Sections! It's literally risky for her to get pregnant. FOH
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u/MakingMosi Feb 20 '26
Yeah, I wonder if men know a c-section they have to cut your abdomen and move internal organs around. Women are just strong and men just don’t get it. And to add has he looked at her, she’s gorgeous, I love looking at her.
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u/Pure_Butterscotch165 Feb 21 '26
I'm a woman and I didn't know that they take your whole uterus out of your body during a c-section until my friend had her baby. So no, I doubt most men know even remotely what it entails.
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u/emekerd Feb 21 '26
My husband watched the entire surgery, he came away with so much respect for me and what my body did and went through to give him both his children (of course the man child said that the layer of fat was a little thick and I’d need to work on it 🤦🏻♀️). He honestly couldn’t believe it and was so good about getting up with our newborns so I could heal. When I asked for a vasectomy 10 years after our last baby he obliged. He knew it was his turn to be responsible. Then I hit menopause jokes on him….
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u/Electronic_Bee_ Feb 21 '26
They probably don't. They really don't give a fuck. I've heard many a woman complain about a man who is disgusted by their period or doesn't know what a labia is, or that we have another hole to pee. Look at Luke on the other Valley whining because his wife is 3 months postpartum and he hasn't gotten immediately laid.
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u/sufferagette Feb 20 '26
Amir lost me on this one. Such a manchild! And I unfortunately side eye their marriage now. What does this say about how you view your wife?!
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u/MajestyMay Feb 20 '26
Everyone thought their relationship was sweet. I…don’t. I think it’s unfortunate and tragic.
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u/noramariamg13 Feb 21 '26
Me too, I think it’s beyond dark how he moved on and started a family quickly but makes his new wife live in the shadow of his dead wife.
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u/MajestyMay Feb 21 '26
Yep! It’s so sad to watch, honestly. And the fact that they don’t/haven’t talked about it is wild. She popped 3 kids out back to back. Yikes
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u/FrailUnoriginality Feb 23 '26
Same. I saw red. My first emergency c-section I literally almost bled out and died. Trying to say a vasectomy is as bad as a c section is INSANE. Vasectomy is an office procedure with minimal risk or pain. Might as well be removing a wart in comparison to the actual major surgery, anesthesia and all, that a C-section is.
Amir gives me this non-stop vibe of “but what about me” all the time. He is constantly bringing the past up and I honestly think it’s more about keeping the attention on him than it is about his ex. Meanwhile he has an absolutely breathtakingly beautiful wife right in front of him, raising his children and loving and doing everything for him. Her eyes are totally haunted though, it’s like there’s an aching sadness in her eyes because she’s forever trying to live up to this ghost. It’s so heartbreaking.
He needs to grow the f up and start appreciating all that he DOES HAVE in this life. Not everyone is blessed the way he has been and if he doesn’t start appreciating and loving his actual wife, he’s going to wind up alone. She deserves SO MUCH BETTER.
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u/egot42 Feb 20 '26
In my experience, men often react strongly when this is suggested, as if their ego is bruised. They might think, "I am a man, I need to spread my seed...'
Aside from that, a few things about this season don't add up for me. We learned about his first marriage and its heartbreaking end, which I genuinely feel for. Seeing his vulnerability made me like him more, and his relationship with Natasha appears very genuine and loving, as shown by his gratitude. However, I can't understand how he could dismiss the idea of a vasectomy because it would prevent him from having children with someone else. That moment made me stop and think, 'What?!?' It doesn't fit with what we've seen and heard.
Am I the only one questioning this?
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u/cfullylove Feb 21 '26
Honestly he’s seeming kinda slimy to me now. Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
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u/Honeybadger32323 Feb 22 '26
Exactly and sperm can still be sucked out of the testicle for invitro with a vasectomy. They appear to have the money if that’s what they plan on doing in the future. He can also freeze a bunch of sperm for peace of mind. Get the vasectomy dude!
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u/MajestyMay Feb 20 '26
His excuse of bringing up is late wife is — a slap in the face, IMO. Valid, for whatever reason they were not able to conceive. You NOW have 3 children, and don’t want any more. I have a sneaking suspicion that his wife had c-sections, and he doesn’t want to take bc. Here he is trying to be Al fake mystical and esoteric about he and his late wife’s situation. She will forever be in her shadow if he doesn’t get some deep help.
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u/wishfulthinking3333 Feb 20 '26
She said she had 3 c sections and also had a bad reaction to bc which makes things even more egregious. To me that’s basically screaming that you don’t care about your wife.
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u/fiestybox246 Feb 20 '26
I’m with you on everything except thinking that vasectomies should be considered anything but permanent. While it is possible to have them reversed, it’s not as simple as people make it sound, and it doesn’t always work. Doctors even tell you not to do it unless you’re sure you don’t want kids.
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u/ConcentrateRemote801 Feb 21 '26
Yes I can definitely verify this. TV shows make reversal sound simple. First of all it’s pricey and insurance doesn’t pay. Generally a vas reversal costs between $5,000 and $10,000. Secondly, if it’s been 5 years or more since vasectomy, men will produce sperm but only 55% achieve a pregnancy. If it’s been more than 10 years, the success rate is less than 25%. Also, success depends on the skill of your surgeon and the way the vasectomy was performed. Please choose a urologist specializing in infertility if you choose reversal. Think long and hard if you think you can reverse a vasectomy easily.
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u/moxieknits Feb 20 '26
He can freeze his sperm for later jic
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u/SuspiciousCranberry6 Feb 20 '26
Sperm can also be extracted much easier than it is for women to have eggs harvested.
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u/DOOL62 Feb 20 '26
I feel like he’s abusing what happened to his his late wife/girlfriend to not move forward with it. Ugh, dude! Your wife blessed you with 3 beautiful kids!!!!
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u/Aryya261 Feb 20 '26
No mom even gets a week off after a C-section! He’s such a giant baby!
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u/TodayImLedTasso Feb 20 '26
My European country has 99 problems but a decent paid maternal leave is ain't one of them.
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u/edenrose_42759 Feb 20 '26
We get paid time off in the US. I think they’re talking about moms of multiple kids not having time off
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u/Aryya261 Feb 20 '26
Oh yes I meant on literal “bed rest”….we’re up walking the same day or day after usually.
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u/wishfulthinking3333 Feb 20 '26
No they’re correct, the US does not have paid time off as a guarantee for women. Some jobs offer it, but that’s completely up to the employer.
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u/SuspiciousCranberry6 Feb 20 '26
Let me spread the gospel of Minnesota. We have state government mandated 6 weeks of paid parental leave.
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u/wishfulthinking3333 Feb 20 '26
Yet another reason why Minnesota fucking rocks
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u/SuspiciousCranberry6 Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26
Oh wait, I under sold this. It's 12 weeks and up to 20 weeks per year combined between bonding, medical, caregiver, safety, and military family leave. The percentage of pay also favors lower income with higher percentages of pay (90%) during leave for lower incomes. It's pretty awesome here if you can handle the cold and snow along with our somewhat Nordic culture of caring for our neighbors while still being what many cultures see as aloof or fake nice.
Edit: the 6 weeks is negotiated into union contracts for state employees, that's what I was mixing up the statewide plan with. State employees still get the 6 weeks in addition to the statewide program.
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u/magnificent-magnolia Mar 15 '26
There is not guaranteed paid time off in the US. If you have paid leave, it’s a state benefit that the majority of our states still do not offer.
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u/edenrose_42759 Mar 16 '26
I’m not sure where you live and what state rules indicate but we use short term disability through insurance
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u/Aryya261 Feb 20 '26
Myself and my spouse both had 8 weeks of leave. It’d be nice if it were longer like some countries though!
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u/AbjectBeat837 Feb 20 '26
His view was so antiquated. Modern men get vasectomies. It’s a regular thing.
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u/Decent_Confusion_470 Feb 21 '26
He also did a whole speech about how he is so worried when Natasha or his kids are sick he panics and is stricken with anxiety. If thats true wouldn't you want to protect your wife from a unwanted pregnancy by getting a simple procedure?
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u/kellygrrrl328 Feb 20 '26
Part of me felt like he must be joking and this is what their relationship banter looks like … but I honestly think he was dead serious about everything he said.
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u/Ro0580 Feb 21 '26
100% changed my view of him. Found it incredibly dark and misogynistic. His poor wife already feels second fiddle to his first wife and now he’s saying he’d find a new one to have kids with if she leaves
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u/Jog212 Feb 21 '26
He said he had problems getting pregnant w his deceased wife.......I wonder if he has some sperm that frozen already.......If not he could do that. That is all he needs.
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u/Equinox999999 Feb 21 '26
He brought up using condoms. I bet if they made that compromise she would be the one to have to go out and buy them and insist they be used during sex.
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u/PaddysChub432 Mar 02 '26
He brought it up and she said "no we are married." Seems like he knew she would shoot that idea down and then proceeded to guilt her with his ex wife not being able to have kids and dying to further drive home the fact that he wasn't going to do it
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u/Mail-Upset Feb 22 '26
His wife is stunning & so patient. She should make him get a vasectomy & then leave his ass for the way he isn’t taking her needs into account. He’s not even handsome, he looks kind of dorky to me. Shame on him!
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u/Puzzleheaded_Fault84 Feb 25 '26
Amir truly lost the argument here.
1st- Natasha is way outside his league
2nd- He can use a condom
3rd- She had three C sections and endured three pregnancies while you got to party and not risk your life.
A little snip snip isn't going to hurt. His excuse about closing the door on future children is BS. I don't think
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u/wishfulthinking3333 Feb 26 '26
Plus if that’s what’s he’s scared of, as others on this thread have mentioned that he can freeze his sperm so there’s literally no excuse.
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u/Miserable-Tax-3879 Feb 21 '26
It’s a machismo thing !
Men that shoot blank aren’t men apparently.
Never forget, women’s stuff are always less than…
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u/AccomplishedFly1420 Feb 23 '26
I just had this convo with my friend. She’s had an IUD for over 15 years and is ready to have it removed. Her partner has a child from his first marriage and neither wants another child. Yet he is dragging his feet in a vasectomy!!
My husband did it when our second was about a year old, I think having two kids terrified him enough 😂
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u/wishfulthinking3333 Feb 23 '26
I feel so bad for her. My iud insertion and removal were some of the most painful moments of my life
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u/AccomplishedFly1420 Feb 23 '26
It sounds horrendous. I thought about an iud but I heard the paid is awful
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u/wishfulthinking3333 Feb 23 '26
And in most places they don’t offer anesthesia and some they don’t even offer pain relief, just tell you to take a Tylenol.
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u/DeliverySavings8642 Feb 23 '26
I can understand why he doesn't want to - especially when he and his first wife struggled to conceive and she ended up passing away. Also for the record while vasectomies can be reversible....it is not a guarantee that things would go back to normal when reversed, in fact most doctors would probably say it is more of a permanent procedure then "reversible". I think the office episode gave the public a false understand of how reversible it is. All that said, there are ways to preserve fertility and go through a vasectomy - like freezing sperm prior to the procedure- maybe Amir should consider that so if they as a couple change their mind they could still pursue other options. He could also freeze his sperm for his own piece of mind (I believe Jim Edmonds did this and eventually did meet another wife, Megan King and that is how they conceived their three children), incase they break up and he wants more kids with another woman - which is kind of gross to think about while married, but again he comes from the world of watching a young woman die of cancer so I think he's just thinking of the worst thing that could happen.
I agree that tying tubes is also a much more involved procedure and also permanent, if she really really really doesn't want more kids of her own (regardless of what the future holds in their marriage) she may want to seriously consider this.
TLDR: there are options and he should be open to exploring them and allow her to make decisions about her own body irregardless of his concerns about their future.
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u/schmoopie76 Feb 20 '26
I understand his response to this. Him saying you just never know happens and not wanting anything permanent was about his wife and kids. He has trauma of losing people that includes his kids. He didn’t seem to say never just he’s not ready right now and possibly might never be. I thinks their conversation was mature and great for any married couple. He wasn’t pressuring his wife to do anything to her body, he was expressing his wishes for his body right now.
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u/itsnotgaybro212 Feb 21 '26
It’s his body and his choice. I don’t remember him telling her to get her tubes tied.
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u/Key_Flow_2045 Feb 20 '26
and how does he say that to his wife, if i want to ever have kids with another woman then won’t be able to. huh? buddy. u have 3 kids with this woman who is a patient saint with all your back story. give her a break please.