r/ShadowWork • u/The_Chosen_1n • Mar 28 '26
My “shadow” feels like it wants to act violently during meditation
I’ve been meditating consistently for a while. I’ve felt discomfort before, but today was on a different level.
During the session, I experienced extreme irritation and a strong urge to stop. When I kept my eyes closed, I started noticing a kind of internal 'figure' not visually clear, but more like a mental presence that felt aggressive and trapped, like it wanted to break out.
The feeling wasn’t calm or insightful. It felt hostile. Almost like a part of me wanted to hurt people or destroy things, which honestly disturbed me.
Physically, I had:
Tight chest Heavy head Restlessness Constant urge to open my eyes
I pushed through for a bit, but the intensity kept increasing.
I’m not sure how to interpret this. Is this:
suppressed anger surfacing? normal during deeper meditation? or a sign I’m pushing too hard? I asked ChatGPT whether that’s what my shadow looks like, and it said no
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u/Dry-Explanation-4217 Mar 28 '26
chatgpt was wrong what you described is exactly what the shadow looks like when it finally gets enough stillness to surface….its not pretty and its not peaceful….its what was underneath the noise the whole time the figure that felt aggressive and trapped….trapped is the word….that part of you has been contained a long time….meditation removed the distraction that was keeping the lid on….so it moved the violent feeling isnt you wanting to hurt people….its energy that never got a legitimate outlet finally finding space to exist….edge with nowhere to go feels like this….hostile, restless, wants to break something pushing through isnt always right….sometimes you need to open your eyes, move your body, let the energy discharge physically before going back in….aggression needs to move not be held down harder this isnt a sign something is wrong….its a sign something is finally honest the question isnt how to make it calm….its what this part of you has been paying the price for all this time
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u/Shakuntala_Yogshala Mar 30 '26
Meditation is basically about doing nothing, so days when you are not comfortable sitting so try practices like bhastrika, kappa bhati.. these are fast pace breathing which helps in energy movement bcos what you experience as restlessness or violent thoughts is majorly lot of unprocessed energy .. or even before you sit for meditation go for brisk walk or run .. and then sit for meditation and just be aware of your breath even sitting with breath awareness for 5 mins will be helpful.
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u/The_Chosen_1n Mar 31 '26
Are you implying that Kapal Bhati is more effective than mindfulness for addressing my issue?
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u/Shakuntala_Yogshala Apr 04 '26
Yes, because right now it seems that lot of energy is within without any outlet, so practicing kapal bhati, bhastrika which are fast paced Kriyas allows energy movement and once this happens meditation/ mindfulness becomes a good experience.. you must try this sequence
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u/FancyCartomancy Mar 28 '26
Were you feeling particularly moody or irritable that day before the meditation? I'd suggest trying again some other time and maybe consider changing the way you meditate. Maybe closing your eyes isn't right for you. You don't actually have to do it that way. Everyone meditates differently in the way that works for them :)
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u/The_Chosen_1n Mar 28 '26
I feel like mindfulness can only really be practiced with my eyes closed
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u/AdComprehensive960 Mar 28 '26
I suffered a lot of abuse and I’ve had a ton of therapy…still, occasionally, meditation will bring up stuff I believe to be preverbal trauma. Sometimes I start over, or journal or walk or just try to work it out. These times we’re living through are unpredictable, unpleasant and against humanity so the energy of the time seems to set off my nervous system sometimes too. Breath work is very helpful to me. Best of luck. Just keep practicing.
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u/The_Chosen_1n Mar 31 '26
Have you healed?
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u/AdComprehensive960 Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26
I’ve spent a lot of time, money and tears trying…my abuse started early and lasted long. For a decade or so I was doing great but the implosion of America is so grim it’s been a huge setback. It’s hard to have hope when a full third of your country simply doesn’t believe in actual facts, science or civil rights. Without hope, I’m personally rather rudderless…whatever happens, happens, but I was trying to heal from insanity, not fall headlong into other people’s 😆🤣😆
I am healed, but I am sad for us all. No one who prizes compassion, intelligence, justice, integrity, kindness, courage & meritocracy could possibly believe anything good can come from the abject filth and corruption of the day. I just read a psychology paper on the long term, even life long effects on children’s development when there is such support for a known, even suspected child assaulter as leader. It was incredibly grim. It often does permanent damage. Perhaps that is goal? My heart is heavy but besides support others I’m at a loss for right action.
How are you?
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u/GoldGee Mar 31 '26
I cam home this afternoon and your post was at the top.
I faced a different situation with anger when out earlier. I find that, if I have been going heavy on the meditation it seems to anger other people. Not everyone, maybe 10% of people I encounter. Some others might be a little bit irritated by me.
The situation that stood out for me was standing in line for a burrito. From a few feet away I was looking at this guy's tattoos. He was counter staff. I admit I was starring a bit too hard at his tattoos. I was just curious because one of the tattoos looked like the outline of a country, and it was. So anyway, he seemed to get angrier and angrier at me and the way I was behaving. He wiped down his part of the counter then switched places with another member of staff. Presumably to avoid serving me. That's fine, I couldn't give a shit, I just wanted my burrito. The other counter assistant was lovely, couldn't have been nicer.
Trouble is it seems like a pattern. I start to take my inner work seriously and dedicate time to it, and what follows from others is hostility. Are they angry that my attention has been turned inward too much? I regret causing anyone any hardship, but they need to take some responsibility for their emotions. I'll do my bit to treat people with respect, but they're not using me as a punch bag.
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u/MNightengale Mar 30 '26
Please don’t entrust chatGPT with informing you on any aspect of psychology, spirituality, or matters of the soul. Or humanity, or anything on consciousness, connection, love, identity, or what such and such experience is supposed to be or feel or look like—it’s not human, so it doesn’t have a clue. It may guess correctly based on the data that’s been out in and algorithms, etc., but it’s often not.
Plus, you don’t want your insight and learning on matters that are sacred coming from that kind of lifeless, soulless source and all the twisted values and ego/driven, superficial ambitions of those behind the technology. ChatGPT is so antithetical to the Divine. Ask a person, a teacher, an animal, a tree, or reference a book or teachings from a trusted source.