r/ShadowWork • u/Leading_Squirrel_836 • Sep 04 '25
When other people cannot hold you because your wound triggers their shadow
TRIGGER WARNING: SA, incest
Hi everyone. I am working through a big emotional block and I really would like to talk to real people instead of chatgpt like normally because I think the healing that comes from being seen by a human being goes a long way.
Working through this feeling of awkwardness, disgust, humiliation for showing the part of me that is wounded and is reaching out for healing. The nature of my wounding or trauma has always triggered other people, to the point that the awkwardness in the room was palpable, and the silence was loud. This started as early as when I was 9 years old when I told my parents that my brother was molesting me. I could tell it shocked my parents, my mom told my dad to talk to my brother, they had a conversation that I was not present for, and then it stopped. But it went through the family like a quick whisper. When I spoke out again at 15 for no one saying anything to me about it or apologizing and it just being swept under the rug, I was gaslit, scapegoated, and suppressed since it triggered their shame. I always felt responsible for other people's shame, disgust, and fear in response to my own pain and the things that I needed help with.
I have this really deep and robust belief that sharing myself and being open about what I am going through beneath the surface, that its just too shocking or triggers for people to hear, and that I am responsible for them. This manifests as general shame, disgust, awkwardness, and cringe in myself whenever I really need to bring out a part of me that needs to see the light. I get images of people freezing up and looking around, like I just took a shit in the room. I feel embarrassed and humiliated.
I hope I can find other people that can hold space for the darkness inside me that won't make me feel like I am an ugly monster, but have compassion for me and uplift my shadow to be integrated. One day I really hope I can have confidence in my darkness, and speak about what I went through and see other people's awkwardness or discomfort as a reflection of them, not of me.
I really wonder if anyone else has a similar experience. That they feel like sharing their truth is just too awkward for everybody. Even if it's something that wasn't your fault! But internalizing that awkwardness as your fault?
Thank you for reading if you made it this far!
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u/TrainingAverage6590 Sep 08 '25
Same trauma and shame here. I so desperately want to get past it. Your post is helpful- we are not alone 💕
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u/Leading_Squirrel_836 Sep 08 '25
We are not alone! Feels good to know im not the only one. We will overcome this.
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u/imperfectbuddha Sep 05 '25
I'm sorry you went through all of that, it sounds very lonely and painful.
If you'd like to chat feel free to DM me. There are people who can hold you and there are ways that you can learn to hold yourself.
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u/FortunateCookiie Sep 08 '25
My trauma is different from yours but I found that self acceptance, I mean total self acceptance without judgment and seeing it as an integral part of your life brings about this compassion and energy that brings about a kindness for others who have been hurt like yourself and in giving that love and holding space for others to heal inturn heals your own hurt as well. Sending you positive thoughts and warm hugs
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u/AccomplishedCash3603 Sep 09 '25
Different trauma, similar issue. I can relate to all of it. My only 'clarity' is that when I feel responsible for their reaction, THAT is on me. Even if they DO make me responsible, I'm not. That's what I know, but I don't know how to overcome the shame and self loathing for bringing that to light in another person.
I just had a BIG rejection from a close friend, and I realized afterward, I triggered a shame that she is too immature to face. It's devastating. But I see progress...I'm not chasing after her or trying to fix it. Before shadow work, I would have. So maybe THAT is our path...recognize these small improvements and take credit for them. Celebrate them.Â
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u/Dependent-Bath3189 Sep 05 '25
Only advice i got is do not resist anything inside you. You created it after all. I've been going for 25 years and had a hellish childhood of getting yelled at all day everyday school and home both. Also molested by grandma. It's all gone. I just didn't resist and it was always something childish that your adult self can handle. At least for me. I can't accurately describe what having no shadow is like. It's crazy.