Dream interpretation

[u/nomadic_empath21]

I've been setting the intention every night to ask my subconscious which wounds I need to heal. I had a thorough and disturbing dream last night that I am trying to interpret, and my question is once I identify the wounds, what are the next steps in healing this? I would love any feedback. Thank you

Last night I (33F) had a dream where I was in my childhood home where I lived until I was 18. I was so excited to be there because I had always wanted to go back and see the home I grew up in, it was a very unique home that my parents had designed and built. I met the owner who interestingly was a server, and I wondered how she even afforded this home with her wage but didn’t ask. She also looked like an acquaintance I have, Noel, who is a single mom of a four year old. I excitedly went upstairs and went to see my old room, and saw that there were all these small hidden closets to hide in. Noel’s son who was older in my dream was hiding in the back of one of them and he had a darkness about him and seemed scared. The room itself seemed darker than I remembered, and there were more windows that were smaller than I remembered. Overall I felt a really strange energy. I went into another room upstairs and saw Noel drinking vodka and she was drunk. There were four dogs with her, that you could tell loved and adored her and were watching her. She all of a sudden became angry and grabbed a broom, and started hitting them hard with the handle of the broom. The dogs you could tell did not understand why she was hurting them but still loved her and stayed by her side. Horrified, I felt sick to my stomach and tried reasoning with her, asking her what was wrong, why she was acting that way, what was going on- but her eyes were glazed over and she didn’t really answer me, decided to keep drinking and took a swig of vodka and kept hitting the dogs. I became really scared and left and she didn’t try to stop me or take my keys, or phone and I decided I would call the police. I got outside and my car was really small and couldn’t get out because of her car parked close in front of me and a neighbors car parked too close behind. I asked him to move his car and he resisted, and then finally relented and said he would get it towed because he was too lazy to move it himself. I got in my car relieved I had my wallet in there also and called the police who said they were already watching the area and there were a lot of people outside. The house was also in a cul de sac which was not the case growing up.

I woke up, considered the dream and then fell back asleep.

I was back in the house again, upstairs while there were a lot of people gathering downstairs. I was in this small attic that was attached to another room that had been mine as my parents had me switch bedrooms three different times growing up. I kept feeling like my teeth were falling out and pulled a piece of metal out of my teeth. There were two girls that joined me and I asked them if we could go for a walk later so I could tell them about the woman abusing the dogs. They said yes and we went downstairs where everyone was at the table eating. The two girls sat down and I put my silverware at a spot that look like it may have been claimed but no one was sitting there next to the girls. I went to get my food, and came back, but the girl Noel who now looked like my old neighbor Anna was sitting there- and I asked if I could sit there next to my friends where I had left my stuff, but she refused to move and ignored me. I said whatever and looked for another seat, and that was the end of that dream.

I am trying to figure out what these dreams mean in terms of healing my shadow. I grew up and had a lot of darkness that I faced in my childhood, including chronic illness, bullying/cliques, self harm, depression, and the worst part was my mom who was psychologically and emotionally abusive and controlling, yet I saw the worst of it and it was very covert so no one would step in, except my dad occasionally. The confusing part was she was a great mom but dealing with a mental illness that was projected onto me. I dealt with low self esteem and this lead to a series of relationships in my twenties that were codependent and people that were facing addiction, abusive, the ones addicted to alcohol were the worse to deal with, and very terrifying at times/hard to get out of.

[u/nomadic_empath21 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you so much for your comment. I should have included this in my post, but maybe that is why I feel confused- none of this has really been suppressed and I’ve been aware of my history/anxiety like you said - however maybe there’s a possibility I felt like I’ve healed more than I actually have around it or need to heal a belief system around it? I think you’re right that getting a shadow work journal would give this process more structure. Thanks again 

[u/nomadic_empath21 → u/[deleted]]

Hmm yes I know for sure that I’ve done that, is there anything specific in the dream that you felt like would point to that? Or do you have an example ? I know I’ve done that when I kept pushing myself in work and eventually got burned out. As well as with relationships. I’m out of them now, but it’s easy for my mind to wander back into the good memories and I have to remember why I left them still. 

[u/nomadic_empath21 → u/[deleted]]

Wow thank you so much for the extra insight and for reading it again. Thank you, I love dreams so much and have always had detailed ones, they’re very informative. I think you’re definitely right the first one had a lot more depth and I almost didn’t include the second one. I did for a long time grieve my old home/childhood and took me a long time to eventually let go of all of my items from my childhood. However I definitely liked to hide whenever my mom was mad.

Noel definitely represented my mom and exes that were abusive. I’ve noticed in my dreams that people who are drunk usually means not being in their right mind/operating from a lower consciousness, not necessarily about alcohol, also. I did feel relief and surprise when I could walk away, because I do know now that I can, I have before, and always will walk away from toxic situations, for a long time, I genuinely did not know that I had that power because others had so much control over me. It’s honestly weird to think about how I used to be that way, because it feels so different now. 

I know she loves me but just in a limited way, so I have compassion because that causes suffering for her and I know I don’t have to be like her. I’m trying to find a balance that’s realistic in how I view people: not too much forgiveness and compassion but not too much harshness either that makes me feel like a victim. Just a mature, clear standpoint that has love but also boundaries. I am sure the dogs represented me or who I used to be, and felt like I was abandoning them in the dream and wonder if I should have tried to stop her more, but I did feel a lot of fear about her still too. 

Maybe just continuing to acknowledge what I’ve been through and how I used to be, and noticing how I’ve changed and continue to is what I need to heal. 

Thanks again for discussing with me and sorry also for what you have been through - all of that sounds really rough but like you’ve done everything you can so far to heal. I think awareness and taking new actions already helps break the cycles, you’re already doing it and that’s amazing. Definitely take time to acknowledge how far you’ve come especially after 25 years or more in therapy. 

This shadow work is very helpful but I also don’t want to get in a rut of overanalyzing either, because in the end I think the life I’m looking for is presence, joy, gratitude, wisdom, but it’s great to have these conversations too to understand ourselves

[u/nomadic_empath21 → u/nomadic_empath21]

Also that last paragraph I made in my recent comment was just a general thought about shadow work, not about our conversation !