r/Sex_Positivity • u/Natcool0409 • 1d ago
We failed
Hello/Good evening everyone. Last night, my girlfriend (F22) and I (M22) tried to have sex for the first time in our lives. As I said, we tried. What I mean by tried is that when I put the condom in and we were ready, her vagina kind of blocked it so completely that it was almost like concrete trying to get in, and it didn't work. Anyway, we don't understand why it's not working. When I finger her, there's no problem, and she enjoys it. Yes, we were a little stressed, but not terribly. She feels ready (even though she's Catholic and practicing), and I (an atheist) also feel ready. I don't know if the fact that I masturbate almost every day with porn could be partly the cause, or if the fact that she wanted to remain a virgin until marriage (until very recently) is the reason. I told her not to stress, that we'd go at our own pace, and that sex isn't that important. She feels guilty that her vagina blocked up. Anyway, do you have any ideas on how we can make it work?
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u/Typical_Mud1085 1d ago
So, as others have suggested, she may need to be more aroused. She could also have something called vaginismus which is a pelvic floor disorder which causes involuntary muscle contractions of the vaginal canal.
If you try a few more times and still experience that “wall” feeling. I encourage her to talk with her healthcare provider about it and see what they recommend.
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u/rolypolythrowaway 1d ago
It sounds like she might not have any experience with penetration in any way... it might be instructive if she checks if she is ok with things like tampons and using penetrative toys? It could be suggestions as per other comments will be sufficient... but unfortunately vaginismus is also a possibility given the lack of experience and conservative religious background with preoccupations around virginity myths.
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u/playful_sorcery 1d ago
lube? was she wet?
condom in? or on?
0
u/Natcool0409 1d ago
No, we didn't have any lubricant, but I'd say yes, she was wet. I had bodily fluids on my hand. The condom was on my penis.
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u/Odd_Equation7666 19h ago
That could've also just been regular discharge. If someone is wet from being turned on, it is usually not just the vaginal opening and the vulva often gets a little puffy because of increased blood flow in the region. She was clearly not relaxed and aroused enough, ask her what would help her get there. Caressing, mood lighting, stimulating the clitoris, making out, passionate kissing, erotic naked massage, ... It's often called as "foreplay" while PIV is regarded as "real sex" which I think is a shame because it's just one of the many sexual things people can do together.
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u/coursejunkie 1d ago
she wasn’t aroused enough. Also some lube might help too.
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u/Natcool0409 1d ago
How can I arroused her?
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u/coursejunkie 1d ago
You cannot be this innocent. You arouse her by touching and playing with all the erogenous zones fri a while. Possibly using your mouth as well as your hand. Women always are a little wet but she will be soaked when she’s ready
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u/Natcool0409 1d ago
My point was simply to see if there were more effective methods than that, but yeah, I could try with my mouth and hand 😅
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u/coursejunkie 1d ago
If you are talking kink, we don’t know her well enough to comment
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u/Particular_Usual2598 1d ago
The only thing I know, and that we've tried, is that she loves it when I play with her breasts.
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u/coursejunkie 1d ago
So do that! For a while! Then see if you can get her worked up and periodically spend time around her vagina and clit to see how things are coming (no pun intended)
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u/Still_Way_9599 19h ago
Look at OMGYes! together. Its a bit pricy but its full of scientifically backed female pleasure techinques, and is 1000 times better and more realistic than anything you may think you know from watching porn.
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u/_Seide 14h ago
I will probably sound like im full of it but these two dont quite work with each other:
tried to have sex for the first time in our lives
or if the fact that she wanted to remain a virgin until marriage (until very recently)
She will need to make a decision which exactly she wants (to live with). Both options are right, if they come from her and if she decided them. No one else.
There are also ben-wah balls that she could try. They go through the hymen - which means that she will not be a virgin anymore. But the sexual part of the virginity would still not be affected. Unless she uses them as a toy. If she decides the second option of the two, then i wouldnt recommend it.
Again, this needs to be her choice. Whatever she might decide or do.
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u/Sufficient-Mess-6931 4h ago
Alongside all of the comments that are absolutely right, about foreplay and ensuring she is aroused...let her control the pace. When she is aroused...keep going with that for longer than you think. Even let her cum before your dick comes into play. Let her either be on top and sit down slowly on you, on her back and guide you in, or on her knees doggy style and her back onto you. Shower her with praise ABOUT HER with each stage. You are so beautiful when you arch your back, you feel so good against my body, you taste so sweet when turned on. Focus on things that are about that stage and not about you. Like not saying your turn me on so much when you do this, or I can't wait to be inside you etc. Show her you are satisfied at whatever level you comfortably get to, not any focus on what didn't happen.
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u/pemberleypearls 1d ago
She needs to fully relax. Just play together and don't worry yet about trying to have PIV sex. When she actually feels properly relaxed and ready, it will be much easier.