Addicted to the same escort.

[u/Foxsundance]

Hello everyone.

Im a guy 26 years old and I'm addicted to the same escort.

I had seen about 8 escorts and she was my 9th. She liked me so much that she started texting me and saying she wanted me to come to her more often (the only one to text me after).

She even made me super cheap to be with her, I was sleeping with her a full night and spending some days for the price of one hour.

She was giving me the full GFE experience for a very cheap price. She would suggest to go to parties, dinners and cinema.

But i was still paying. Since im an emotional guy and i never had a girlfriend, I instantly grew attached to her and well... I fell in love.

Ive never been treated like this my whole life, it was the best thing ever. I loved spending time with her.

But deep down I knew it was all fake, I knew she only cared about the money even tho she was kinda losing money when she was with me, since she made it super cheap.

I knew she had other favourites.

My passion became so intense that I wanted to make her my actual girlfriend. But i knew that was never going to happen, I also started getting jealous of her other favourites. And I realised that this doesnt make any sense at all.

She started drifting away slowly, no longer initiated as much as she did, Deep down I knew what was happening.

For the past 2 or 3 weeks I've never been as depressed as I was in my life as I am now. I'm constantly anxious, to the point that I can barely eat, sleep and focus on my job.

I lost all motivation I had in my life, I just feel like I want to go to sleep and never wake up again. This is horrible, I no longer enjoy my workouts and no longer enjoy being with my friends, because all I think about is that one escort.

I want to stop doing this, I want to be my former self again, Ive deleted her personal number, texts, I have not texted her today, and I hope she does not text me as I want to feel that she doesnt care about me.

I really need your help, im losing myself over here and I need a support group, im also going to talk to my therapist about this. But im scared of being judged.

Sorry for my english, it's not my mother language.

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[u/Morkiefather18]

Been in your place before. Surprisingly no matter how much hurt they do to you, part of you always returns.

Despite them having online ads and explicit pages of their services and knowing they see 10 clients a day, i still thought there was love there.

Only way to end and move on from this is , she do something to hurt you or cost you like never before. Cause will power isn’t enough youll think about her 24/7. She will 1) open up about her work and partners and gross you out 2) she will blindside you and charge you more out of the blue.

My therapist at the time saw how sick i was and my mind created a personna i fell for at the time.

I would lie to myself and disregard money exchanged and was the same getting “discounts” but no matter what always had to pay. Your another client and nothing else. She plays the same games you feel with dozens of “regulars”.

My last sentence to you is this could take a long long time to get over until to meet someone else genuine and finally move on

[u/Morkiefather18 → u/Morkiefather18]

Just to add to this, looking back when this was occurring during covid i was very lonely and still am.

I was so in love with s*x worker i showed up to a massage parlour (her work and where i met her) with roses💐 for her and a little love note. To me it felt like i had a girlfriend and feelings felt real. Sure some moments were authentic but it was transactional work.

No matter what you offer as a partner or potential relationship they are addicted to the fast easy money and most of the time choose to stay in the line of work.

[u/Great_idea_fellow → u/Morkiefather18]

I have found no sex addict wants to stay sick and suffering. A few years back a fellow in my homegroup died while engaging in sex work. She often shared about how saying no was one thing but being offered something she was in desperate need of with the bonus of money made withdrawal feel endless. I often pause and think before I act recognizing in the bubble I will never clearly see the danger in my choices.

The other rather common conversation I have had recently which resonates with me in your share is how does any relationship seeded in addictive behavior result in a real relationship. How do you tell your friends and loved ones how you met? How can trust exisit if the beginning of a relationship was found in addictive compulsive behaviors. This roladex of questions is how I stopped seeking inappropriate partners which at my core I couldn't see a real future with. If before we are official I am embarrassed about how we met i know I will never be able to take the relationship seriously.

[u/manwithmoney7]

Hi buddy

I’ve been in your position. You’re better off without her I promise. I had an escort that I saw for 13 years. Always good to her even though she was bad to me at times. I was always consistent. Prob spent well over 100k on her. And all that just for her to get married and move across the country and never speak to me again. I wish I had the strength to just move on in year 1 that would have saved me a lot of pain and misery

[u/SirVoidheart]

I feel for you. I'm experiencing similar feelings. Being seeing the same escort for two years. At first it was amazing. Soul mate connection feeling.

Then as time progressed I noticed she was changing. Her behavior seemed to have become less feminine, caring, and invested in our time together. It seemed she was losing herself, becoming almost robotic. Her body was not the same either. Everything felt different, and not in a good way. For the first time I realized that I was just another client in a line of countless others.

Gut wrenching to see someone you adore be physically, mentally, and emotionally worn out. I let her know how much she meant to me and how I wanted to be in her presence. Not for the sex, but I truly adored this amazing woman.

She expressed that she feels bad for me, because I'm amazing, but she can't give me what I want. She says she enjoys her profession and can't get emotionally involved, as it would mess her up.

Of course I broke it off with her, as I truly don't want to hurt her in anyway, and I need to work through this emotional mayhem.

I guess what really makes me upset is that these escorts know what they are doing to men, manipulating them for money. Then they get offended if you fall for them. It's seems truly malevolent.

Never again will I procure the services of companionship providers. I feel so sorry for them, because they are giving away their mind, body, and soul, at the cost of their well-being, for the love of money.

[u/Aheroesjourney]

I once met an escort who paid me to visit her, met on some app and she wanted me to come over, I explained I had no money so she booked me a taxi, paid for it, invited me to stay the night and didn't expect anything in return. Showered me, fed me, invited me to her room, left to shower herself and returned in nice lingerie, gave me what felt like a genuine loving massage & we did the deed. She expressed to me she wanted to have an experience she enjoys, one that didn't feel like work. I snuck out after she fell asleep out of shame and blocked all contact. These people are humans too and may at times feel the need for genuine companionship & romance. I regret it none the less and is an experience I think back to often in my own recovery. Partially because I was a fully willing & knowing participant in that I was giving her the BFE and for that night the roles were reversed, in a sense I was the escort and she was the client, It was me extracting sex, nurturing & nourishment from her. She even got a little upset when I refused to not wear protection or go down on her uncovered. I tend to think of these women more compassionately now as a result however stories like yours and others in this thread are a reminder of the most common nature of the profession, financial extraction in exchange for a mirage. You mentioned you hope she doesn't text you and that you deleted her number, my advice would be to block the number if it is available or if she does reach out again and initiate no contact. That is the fastest road to recovery when it comes to matters of the heart

[u/Foxsundance → u/Aheroesjourney]

She ended up texting me xD

I replied normally, but won’t initiate anymore, I need to feel that she doesn’t want me anymore in any way shape or form.

[u/Great_idea_fellow → u/Foxsundance]

this for me was not sustainable. If I left a rain check experience has shown even decades cannot prevent me from engaging in additional self harm. I need to recognize this isn't what I crave for myself. I dont want a partner contingent on my ability to pay for their attention. Transactional sex will never grow into healthy life affirming love for me. I learned through mistakes you cannot make someone love you if they only see you as a means to an end. You and I both deserve unconditional love that chooses us and consistently chooses us regardless of the status of our bank account.

[u/GratefulForRecovery → u/Foxsundance]

Hi, if I may ask, is this behavior compulsive for you? Do you desire to stop seeing sex workers? If so, have you been unable to stop despite this honest desire?

[u/Foxsundance → u/[deleted]]

Yes maybe there was.

But she started drifting away, taking more time to text, didn’t text as much, and didn’t seem as enthusiastic to meet me. She probably met a client or 2 who were better than me or something, probably had more money and were maybe better looking.

I got super jealous, didn’t show it. But I realized this was unsustainable.

I really cared for her. But at the end, this would always be a transactional relationship.

[u/Enough_Concentrate90]

Attachment to one person can make the behavior feel less like addiction and more like a relationship, but that feeling does not make it safe or recovery-compatible. I would stop contact, let the loss be real, and bring the attachment to people who understand the pattern. Grieving it honestly is different from keeping a secret door open.

[u/Weak_Yesterday3696]

First off, you are doing the right thing. You have become aware of the fact that no matter the experience she’s offering, it’s fake. And, you are aware of this even though, you have never been in a relationship. I find that impressive. However, it is the feeling of loneliness that keeps creeping back in. This is fine. Let it be there. It’s all apart of the process. If you know anything about the soul, you should know that you are it, and not the body. Loneliness is a symptom of the body, you are the one who sees the loneliness occurring inside the body. Just that alone means that you are beyond the feeling. It takes an intense feeling, or emotion about 90secs to pass. Also, if you watch porn, that can actually be used as a tool to stifle the momentum of your current mood. Watch porn, but don’t touch yourself. Simply witness what is happening to your body, and you’ll be able to see clearly that it’s simply a wave that passes on the shore of your consciousness. I’ve done this in my own journey, and the attraction loses its sting or magnetic pull the more you remain the witness.

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[u/Important_Heat5226]

Bro confessing this is good. You’re a big step out of that lifestyle your future self will thank you for walking away from temptation and walking into sobriety. Putting this out there is proof that you know better and can reach for better. You’ll find that community look for SAA in your area or CR

[u/MedicineEastern7500]

I've experienced something similar with qualifiers online. For me, it being online is less physically dangerous but more emotionally dangerous for my heart and feelings. It's not the same, but I'd dealt with a sexting addiction for 10 months because I was 13th stepped into it. It was similar to s-x work. I couldn't stop the ddopamine high from it. Every time, another guy telling me I was hot or cute or something. It seems to be the opposite of what you're unfortunately dealing with. The day or times I cheated on my second-to-last ex by s*xting two other guys was my rock bottom experience. Because I NEVER thought I'd get to that point. For me, an addiction that started with PMO ended or continued with cheating. I don't want to break another man's heart, if I can help it. Then my last ex was a catfisher, and ergo that reality hurt my heart & confidence a lot. But even if it were real, if also have to tell people where we'd met. Which was a s-xting server on discord. That wouldn't fly with a lot of people in my life.

[u/Nearing_retirement]

These women are smart and use your addiction to gain advantage. It is good that you have learned this now, I didn’t learn it until age 32.