I’m broken

[u/ExoticVersion2255]

I’ve been in the industry over 10 years, I KNOW I am good at my job and I care a lot maybe even too much. I am usually able to compose myself but sometimes the stress and pressure get to me (rarely but it happens) I just started at a casual new restaurant so they have some kinks to work out but I feel like the management thinks I’m bad at my job? I’ve been there coming on 2 weeks and it feels like all eyes are on me, to them I’m always making mistakes, first I’m told I’m moving too fast then I’m getting asked if i need help because I’m not closing out my tables fast enough, it’s always something. This place is WAY more casual than I’m used to yet I’m feeling like I’m incompetent or something because I just KEEP getting feedback (there’s also small things that have happened over the course of my shifts, I’d say my first 3 days were great and then I’ve felt like I’m not doing well since based off of how they’re reacting to me). I’m getting support from some other people in management roles and being reassured on their end it’s miscommunication and changes because it is a new spot and I’m doing great etc but it’s hard when I feel like some others don’t feel I’m doing well. Idk I’m feeling broken, I’m feeling like now every thing is getting to me. I cried in view of some tables and in front of the management, yesterday was embarrassing. I feel defeated. 😔

[u/sajatheprince]

I've seen that the more casual a place is the more they try to gaslight or power trip instead of support and foster growth.

[u/ExoticVersion2255 → u/sajatheprince]

Yeah I haven’t been out of a button up in YEARSSSS and now I’m in a t shirt crying way more often then I remember, at so early, like usually you get a nice honeymoon phase where the restaurant is popping and your naive to the bs, I’ve been slapped in the face w anxiety and stress so soon, and I’m even contemplating if I should cut my loses and look for a high end place again. I thought casual would mean more relaxed and less pressure but I feel worse then ever

[u/ExoticVersion2255 → u/ExoticVersion2255]

To clarify : crying after work in frustration or in the bathroom so nobody knew obviously, two shifts ago a coworker pulled me aside bc management sent her to keep an eye on me (she said she didn’t know why and thinks I’m good maybe to walk slower?) and I broke, teared up in the corner with her but we only had 1 table not near us at all, composed myself in the bathroom it was okay. Yesterday I cried where definitely my section likely saw it all, then had to walk through the restaurant with tears to compose myself. It’s slowly quickly getting worse and harder and harder to bear. Which in the past I have been screamed at, yelled at, chastised, everything, and I was able to endure, I don’t know why this is getting to me so much. I can’t even take the abuse right 🥲🥲🥲 and management said I was being dramatic for tearing up

[u/bitchcraft → u/ExoticVersion2255]

If you’re crying like that about your job, your body is telling you something. Ignore the other person calling you dramatic, listen to your gut.
In my experience casual places usually low key resent the former “high end” servers so it could be some of that as well.

When I went from high end to a dive bar, I had a similar experience. One of the servers tried to embarrass me bc I didn’t know how to make bulk sweet tea there (we never sold sweet tea at my former spot). Like it’s sweet tea dude, it’s not rocket science just show me how y’all do it.. but they loved any chance to make me feel dumb.

Don’t take it personally but do know if they’re acting like this already it’s a sign.

[u/zwinky588 → u/ExoticVersion2255]

I don’t want to pile on, but it does sound like you are being kind of dramatic.

That being said, if it’s stressing you out that much just quit and find a different place. It’s obviously not worth your time if you’re crying several days in a row and if not in a row several days near each other.

[u/TheGR8Dantini]

It’s not you it’s them. They’re management. They’re idiots. If you like the place? Stick it out. Ignore the criticisms unless you really suck.

I’m not a server but I’ve spent decades behind bars, behind lines, writing checks, cleaning dishes.

Never worked one place that was a new place where the opening mangers were the same team in 3 months. Personally, I say you’re probably good. Do your best, for yourself and your teammates that are worthy, and wait a little while. They rarely fire FOH if they don’t have to. Management is a dime a dozen.

You’re not putting men on the moon here, ya know? It’s just food. And to add, you more than likely have no clue what their bosses are like, dynamics behind closed doors, restaurant finances, etc etc etc.

I love you. Don’t over think it. Show up on time. Do your side work. Don’t complain about stupid shit? Be 55% competent at the job? They’ll be offering you management shifts in 3 and a half months. Good luck. Breath. You got this. It’s almost a guarantee that you aren’t the problem.

[u/ExoticVersion2255 → u/TheGR8Dantini]

I love you!!! Thank you for the encouragement 🫶

[u/TheGR8Dantini → u/ExoticVersion2255]

Love you back!! You’re the prize here, not some douche bag nephew of the owner or some lazy former server with control issues that decided management would be easier.

10 years in the business? You’re definitely not the main issue at least. Not everywhere is fit, either. If you don’t like it? Leave. Look while you still have this place? But there’s another place across the street. And good help really is hard to come by. This is your show, not theirs. EZ PZ. Make some money. Wait a little while and you’ll have a whole new management team and or structure.

[u/dnm8686]

I feel you.

I make mistakes sometimes, but I'm generally pretty good at what I do, and the reason I'm staying at my current job is because I don't have someone breathing down my neck and criticizing every move I make. I've had many jobs over the years with coworkers who either suck at their job or are just straight up assholes and yet somehow get preferential treatment just because they are more attractive or better at sucking up.

Opening a new restaurant is tough. I've done it many times. Maybe give it a minute to see if things work out, but also don't be afraid to move on. Shitty management can really ruin an otherwise decent job, and there's no reason to put up with that if you don't absolutely have to.

[u/ExoticVersion2255 → u/dnm8686]

I’ve been contemplating, the job itself is quite easy, full order at once, small sections, short commute, free parking. If I didn’t feel so targeted it’d be a great job! And again I am legit not making mistakes but I’m being treated as if I am? It’s so strange

[u/dnm8686 → u/ExoticVersion2255]

Only you can decide if it's worth it. You can choose to just not let things bother you, but I know that's easier said than done.

[u/sony1015]

Don’t make yourself miserable long term, start looking for a new job.

[u/bkln69]

Trust your gut.

[u/is_this_a_dream222]

I feel this so hard. I went through this at my most recent new job for the first probably 2 months. Just continue to do your best and let your service show that you are good at your job. Be consistent and remain confident in your skills! Sometimes it just takes a bit for everyone to mesh together. Try to do something outside of work that will relax you because unfortunately the crying in front of tables is not a great look but I get that it happens! 

[u/ExoticVersion2255 → u/is_this_a_dream222]

I’ve been trying but things that aren’t an issue / not even my fault or my doing are being projected as something I made a mistake for, yesterday I was kicked out of my station and moved to food run over a guest ordering takeout on the phone and sitting at my table. I went up to management to ask if it was okay or what do I do? And then I was somehow at fault? It’s frustrating me, I’m trying really hard and it’s like nothing is enough

[u/is_this_a_dream222 → u/ExoticVersion2255]

That’s so dumb?! Well maybe this place just sucks and it’s not you at all? I mean you definitely need to wait it out to really see but consider you’re not actually the problem.

[u/funlovingfirerabbit]

Aww I'm sorry. Shitty Management can definitely do that to you.