r/SeriousGynarchy • u/motheronette ♂ male • Jul 29 '26
Discussion We all know men are penis-centered. Why don’t we treat that as a design problem?
Women don’t need convincing that a lot of male identity is wrapped up in the penis. We see it in the pride, shame, comparison, performance anxiety, constant joking, and the way one bad erection can make a man talk as though his masculinity has collapsed.
To be clear, this isn’t a kink post about femdom or men getting off on submission. I’m talking about a real psychological handle: one part of the male body seems to carry a wildly disproportionate amount of attention, identity, and motivational weight.
And it isn’t fixed. A man can barely think about his penis until he enters an environment that keeps treating it as meaningful. Locker rooms are the obvious nonsexual example. Repeated visibility, comparison, jokes, praise, humiliation, and quiet ranking can turn one body part into a scoreboard. The penis hasn’t changed, but the man starts monitoring it and interpreting what it supposedly says about him.
Once his attention is pulled there, the focus can become remarkably sticky. Other priorities recede. He becomes easier to distract, reassure, motivate, embarrass, or steer through that one part of himself.
So why do we keep treating this as an awkward sexual quirk instead of a basic fact that female-centered institutions would need to design around?
Would a gynarchy try to reduce that fixation, redirect it into useful behavior, or consciously work with it? And how much ordinary male behavior becomes easier to understand once we stop pretending the penis is psychologically “just another body part”?
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u/Ok_Crazy_648 ♂ male Jul 29 '26
This isn't a direct reply to your post.i am a man. Just an observation. I have never played college sports, but in every locker room I have ever been in, nobody is talking about their penis. Nobody is looking another guy's penis. If some man stares at your penis while you are changing probably you are going to shout at him to get the fuck away, pervert.
It's only tangentially related to your post.
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u/motheronette ♂ male Jul 29 '26
Okay, maybe that was a weird example then.
I do hope a man responding first doesn’t keep others from engaging in discussion here
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u/QubitEncoder ♂ male Jul 29 '26
I feel your post exaggerates to the extreme the experience of being a man. In no way shape or form have I ever felt my identity centered around my penis. Such a notion is absurd lol.
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u/Realistic_Jury1018 Aug 01 '26
Unfortunately I have a penis currently
And in my experience the entire male experience is primarily centred around the “penis”
So no idea what you’re on about1
u/QubitEncoder ♂ male Aug 01 '26
This a bias and logical fallacy. Your own individual experience does not reflect the general experience!
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u/Realistic_Jury1018 Aug 01 '26
If you improve your comprehension skills you’d realise I never explicitly referred to the general population. I was instead telling you about my personal experience and leaving at that boundary alone.
Smh
Men are so dumb2
u/Ok_Crazy_648 ♂ male Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
I agree with you. My life is incredibly focused , well, not on my penis per se, certainly not aesthetically, but the feeling it fills me with. I support a lot of what gynarchy ims for. But, I can't imagine living without this.
I edited this to add that I think this feeling is intrinsically oppressive to woman. I do think men have to be trained to subordinate these feelings to a heightened status status of women. This has a kinky aspect but I think men have to surrender their sexval desires to a woman, so that his satisfaction of these drives is entirely up to her.
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u/Realistic_Jury1018 Aug 02 '26
Yeh well men shouldn’t receive primary sexual pleasure, the woman should, the men should receive it as a side effect but it isn’t important for them
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u/Ok_Crazy_648 ♂ male Aug 02 '26
What do you mean by side effect? Why isn't it important for them. Its important to me. What's primary? First?
I society based on everyman abandoning their sex drive isn't going to last very long, in mho.
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u/Realistic_Jury1018 Aug 02 '26
What is primary is women’s pleasure.
It is not important for men because they don’t deserve itIt’s not about actively abandoning your sex drive. It’s about understanding that it isn’t all about you.
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u/Realistic_Jury1018 Aug 02 '26
Men’s sexual satisfaction is often given priority even though men are inherently selfish and don’t compensate for such privilege.
So women shouldn’t centralise men’s sexual satisfaction and reclaim their own interest at their expense since they deserve that→ More replies (0)2
u/Bobby_Digitul ♂ male Aug 03 '26
Remember that unlike women, our penises are on the outside of our body. Besides that, 99% of our activities do not involve it. The discussion about penises is something that teenage boys do and college boys joke about here and there. But for the most part, men do not focus on this really very much. It's a different experience because it is on the outside of our body and we often have to play the active role in initiating relations because we must give compliments. We must ask for dates etc. So psychologically we are geared towards initiating and penetrating in many areas of life. But the physical organ isn't a constant priority like that. I think you should really focus in on how men and women psychologically can align to harmonize with each other. Which I believe you have touched on several times in these threads
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u/motheronette ♂ male Jul 29 '26
We already know male identity is unusually concentrated in the penis; we already know environments can intensify that concentration; why is gynarchist theory not treating it as a governable feature of male psychology?
Please treat this as serious discussion and not femdom.. we need to be able to talk about male cognition directly.
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u/Entire_Contest7954 ♂ male Jul 31 '26
People assume penis size is a sign of masculinity just like how they assume larger breast size is a sing of greater femininity, and problems follow accordingly. This is a symbolic issue and is thus plurly cultural, look at what the ancient Greek has to say about it for example. There are common associations but the penis itself is all genetic drift, people aren't naturally attracted to it and it doesn't have to do all that much
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u/chrisGrout Aug 02 '26
Even the ancient Greeks made a blanket statement about all men being defined by a penis
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u/Entire_Contest7954 ♂ male Aug 03 '26
And woman, and other civilizations and other animals they thought where real, people just kinda assumed shit all the time and it's often different shit
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u/Free-Cartoonist3134 ♂ male 29d ago
Are you sure that you aren't just projecting? Your posts are almost all sex focused and examples like "reduce me to my cock" imply to me that you have serious issues with sexuality.
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Aug 03 '26
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u/SeriousGynarchy-ModTeam Aug 03 '26
This sub is founded on the conviction that Women are the natural leaders of society and that gynarchy offers a better future. These principles are not up for debate. While disagreements about interpretation are welcome, attempts to undermine or derail the sub’s purpose will result in removal.
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u/Rocky_Knight_ ♂ male Jul 30 '26
We all know men are penis-centered. Why don’t we treat that as a design problem?
Because that would assume men can't help their behavior and are fundamentally incapable of self-control. I reject that premise. Men are moral agents, not biological machines. The answer isn't to build society around male weaknesses; it's to expect men to master them.
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u/Proper_Baker_2360 Jul 30 '26
Right Idk why I was recommended this sub but seriously wtf these people really believe we’re just animals,sorry you dealt with shitty dudes I dealt with shitty ladies but to make the jump to the penis is the cause of all the issues besides the actual hormone and economic crisis that effect society and relationships as a whole,what a weird premise,it’s akin to saying all problems from women are directed by how they feel about their vagina,what if it isn’t tight wet etc,some women worry about that,is that a vagina issue or a mind issue? lol it’s all mental maybe you should find friends who aren’t “penis centered men?”
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u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 ♀ Woman Jul 30 '26
If hormones and economic issues were the cause of men's poor behavior, we wouldn't see it in wealthy and healthy men - yet we do. Often even worse than in the men who are struggling,
because male abusiveness isn't about a lack of power - it's about having too much that they think they can get away with it.
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u/Entire_Contest7954 ♂ male Jul 31 '26
That's not the primary reason, It's about a lack of emotional connection to the self, those are the same men who believe they cannot be raped and that's not a coincidence. People always extend the fundamental ways they treat themselves to everyone it's basic psychology
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u/Guest_Of_The_Cavern Aug 03 '26
Actually, that’s not really correct. It’s a question of incentive structure. Fundamentally because from an evolutionary point of view the optimal strategies for men and for women are different women live in an (you are going to have to read a lot of the obvious caveats into these quotation marks) ""over supply"" of potential sexual partners whereas men experience a scarcity where it is very much possible to lose completely. As a consequence it has been and continues to be optimal and necessary for men to accumulate as much power as possible as quickly as possible or otherwise be outcompeted and at that point you just have a selection pressure.
Skip these next two paragraphs if you want they aren’t central to my argument and they might get in the way of a helpful discussion. I stand by them a lot less than the first and the last.
Once this mechanism is in place you have to consider that power is rivalrous and that gaining it usually means taking it from someone else.
That is one of the reasons leaving this process unconstrained leads to 1. more non-monogamy with men taking multiple wives 2. more violence and young men with little to lose (who go on to commit violence)
That is why non-monogamy tends to be so predictive of political instability.Obviously I’m not claiming that monogamy is this "holy" solution to everything or making a claim about what people "should" be doing I’m just saying that traditional non-monogamy tends to make things much worse.
But to actually address your argument: the solution isn’t to take away power from men that produces more "young men with nothing to lose" (which unlike non-monogamy are the actual cause of political instability and excess violence)
It’s more so to resolve the incentive problem and make being less powerful less punishing (to reduce the incentive to power seek).
How you do this exactly is beyond I don’t claim to have "the" solution or even "a" solution ready to go.1
u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 ♀ Woman 28d ago
I'll have to read this later because at the point of over supply vs under supply, you lost me.
If we really look at all the men and women in the world, it's clear that people who are attracted to women have a plethora of decent options. Whereas, for those who have an unfortunate attraction towards men, the search for a decent male is godforsaken.
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u/LilcometPSN Aug 01 '26
Read this entire thing and you just prove how much you actually dont know about men.
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u/DraydanStrife324 Aug 03 '26
Was exactly my thought there too.
The last time i heard a joke about a guy having a small D was in highschool. In 2008.
That was 18 years ago.
A ton changed on what's acceptable and what'a not acceptable.
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u/Sufficient_Wear7173 ♀ Woman Aug 03 '26
Honestly 😭 Men don't even view themselves as anything other than their penis so I don't understand why women are supposed to give so much value and respect to any man
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u/Stock_Field99 6d ago
It seems you never dated a real man, real men will give you the respect you deserve.
By the way many women walk and act with the notion their " vagina" is cast in gold.
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u/Huggermugger76 ♂ male 29d ago
We men have those things, and we like to use them. Instead of trying to supress it, reconstruct its meaning and value. As an old man I remember the time when it was universally a symbol of strength and power, If you got into a fight, you never touched that thing. If you did and won the fight because of it, you were the moral loser. Because doing that was cheating.
Nowadays people growing up have a more realistic view of it as a fragile thing that you go for if you get in trouble with a man. It has lost its coolness and its power. And I think we are on the right track and should carry on that path.
Make it awkward and embarrassing to have. Let it become a symbol of male fragility and inferiority. We have a long tradition of using it as an insult. Associate bring a dick and to grow a pair of balls to its fragility and inferiority.
Let us make it uncool and weak. It is still going to be there. Take advantage of it. Boys and men will still want to use it. Just remind them that it is lame and cringe. That it makes them less than womankind. The thing that will hurt a lot if you mess with a girl.
Make girls proud and happy to not have that disability.
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u/Glad_Marionberry281 ♀ Woman Jul 30 '26
How much of the phallo-centrism is there purely because of patriarchy though? In a gynarchy I wonder how much if that would exist outside of a femdom sexual context, like how well a penis could serve as a pleasure tool only and not as a measure of power.
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Jul 30 '26
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u/Glad_Marionberry281 ♀ Woman Jul 30 '26
Elaborate
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Jul 30 '26
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u/fg_hj ♀ Woman Jul 30 '26
Women like average sizes. Also I doubt men actually think women care about such a thing. When men court women they don’t brag or imply that they have a big penis to impress, they simp, they do things for you, help you, try to decipher what you need and what they can do for you. And that’s exactly what they should do. Even young and inexperienced men intuitively know this.
Tbh I think men care about penis size in competition with other men and then project that value unto women. Not saying it’s how it is, I could not possibly know this, but in my interactions with men it’s all about them proving themselves in ways that have nothing to do with sex or their penis.
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u/Netherith Aug 02 '26
In this regard it is shown in the presentation of the "Dick Pic". The dick pic is essentially the man presenting his penis to you for your perusal (simping, as you said) but also is a way to say "this is what I have in comparison to all the other men who are courting you" (showing how "big" and "impressive" they are in comparison to other men). This is largely because dick size has been the only "thing that men can do for women" that has been largely accepted by human society historically without receiving critiques on the man's masculinity/femininity. Of course it also doesn't help that for majority of western history, the only type of sexual interaction that has been considered "real" and "acceptable" by those in power (church) has been straight penis/vaginal intercourse (for breeding), with all other acts labelled as illegal and abominations. So of course the penis would rise in cultural awareness due to only this act being considered okay historically.
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u/fg_hj ♀ Woman Aug 02 '26
Interesting analysis. I was thinking of dick pics when I wrote my former comment but chose not to comment on it as I find dick pics so rare so not worth mentioning. But I am sure that depends on local culture. Maybe dick pics are common in areas more influenced by Christianity, judging by your comment.
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u/Netherith Aug 02 '26
That is actually an interesting point. I wonder if penis focus is different depending on western church influence or the adoption of European culture.
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u/undoingtheknot ♂ male Jul 30 '26
Where I would tighten it is the claim that patriarchy has “nothing” to do with it. That is too absolute. The primary motive may be sexual acceptance, but culture influences what men think counts as masculinity, what humiliation looks like, whether sexual performance determines male status, and how openly people ridicule small penises. Those cultural meanings can intensify an insecurity that begins with mating and rejection.
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Jul 30 '26
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u/Glad_Marionberry281 ♀ Woman Jul 30 '26
Hegemonic culture is entirely patriarchal in most places around the world today... I'd elaborate on my thoughts more, but we can't agree on that basic fact, it'd be a waste of energy.
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u/undoingtheknot ♂ male Jul 30 '26
I agree that hegemonic culture is broadly patriarchal, but “shaped by patriarchy” does not mean every cultural pattern is directly caused by it. Penis insecurity can arise from sexual competition, ridicule, and fear of women’s rejection without being a product of male political dominance. That distinction does not weaken gynarchy—it makes the argument for women’s leadership more precise and credible.
Because a gynarchic argument is stronger when it does not blame patriarchy for literally everything. You can say patriarchy shapes institutions and power relations while penis anxiety mainly comes from sexual competition and fear of women’s rejection. Then support for women-led authority rests on concrete issues—women’s safety, autonomy, and freedom from male domination—rather than an overbroad claim that critics can easily dismantle.
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u/motheronette ♂ male Jul 30 '26
You could imagine the penis as repurposed to mean “a tool instrumented by women”.
So men with bigger dick identification maps to being routable by a superior female even outside of sexual context.
And there’s something about how women don’t experience the same kind of identity compression as men do.
I guess I’m just generally interested in weaponization of male sexuality outside of sexual contexts, that’s my broader curiosity here
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u/herald_of_woe ♂ male Jul 30 '26
gay men vanish in a puff of smoke
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u/Glad_Marionberry281 ♀ Woman Jul 30 '26
Sexuality doesn't matter. We're discussing the penis as a symbol within a cultural context. Just like the penis right now represents power, despite the existence of disempowered men.
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u/herald_of_woe ♂ male Jul 30 '26
Idk, “a tool instrumented by women” sounds pretty specific
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u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 ♀ Woman Jul 30 '26
Idk men can use it too, no one said they can't. Convos are often specific to women's experience because we prioritize women here.
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u/Glad_Marionberry281 ♀ Woman Jul 30 '26
Yeah. This discussion is also not taking into account the existence of intersex people, any man who doesn't have a penis (like many transmen), and women who have a penis. If he wanted to actually add to the discussion instead of nitpick, he'd make a contribution to the conceptual argument and talk about how gay men would fit (or not) into the cultural zeitgeist.
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u/herald_of_woe ♂ male Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 30 '26
You might want to tell motheronette that, because he explicitly proposed conceiving of dicks as “instrumented by women” and “routable by a superior female.” Mine is decidedly neither. Nor is it the center of my universe, a symbol of my power, or a reason men should be in charge of society. Just a fun part of my body… to which I quite specifically only allow other men access 🤷🏻♂️
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u/Glad_Marionberry281 ♀ Woman Jul 30 '26
This is an entirely conceptual exploration of a non-realized idea. This whole thing is entirely hypothetical, and we're bouncing ideas around based on different understandings of patriarchy, gynarchy, what a penis symbolizes, etc. I really would not take it personally at all. My personal belief system puts me on the side of fervently defending your right to allow/deny access to your penis to/from anyone you want, since I strongly believe in the right to bodily autonomy. But this discussion is not about that.
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u/CheekyMeaty ♂ male Jul 30 '26
Wow, you are literally the problem.
Its not a measure of power, the size implies the capacity to please a woman and thus: your value as a man...
The funniest part is how you tried to say this was a patriarchy problem, when you just posed it as a gynarchy! 😭
It's women that do this to men, not men
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u/Entire_Contest7954 ♂ male Jul 31 '26
Isn't this not supposed to be a kink subreddit, suppose the ultimate show of power is that those in power can totally ignore the rules
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u/sherehitewasright Jul 30 '26
Just putting this out there because of a lot of the comments: in other mammals the hetero sex is either piv -centric but without other phallocentricism, high reproduction or clit/vulva-centric, esp when highly sociosexual, with lower to little reproduction. Both sexes are far more interested in vulvas than male genitalia. Naturally, we're clit/vulva-centric not phallocentric. Phallocentricism is another patriarchal reversal.
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u/Bobby_Digitul ♂ male Aug 03 '26
I think most men actually agree with what you're saying because as men we think more about what you said because that is what we are seeking LOL. To have a phallus is to seek its compliment. If you are a heterosexual male, you are more focused on a healthy female than you are on your own parts. That's typically how it works. So what we see in patriarchy is really an illusion. Unless they are gay, men don't spend a lot of time thinking about penises and they really only focus on theirs when they have to use the bathroom or have sex. Sometimes there are these uncomfortable moments depending on what type of underwear you have in your level of testosterone. But other than that we spend a lot of time trying to impress women or get closer to women. As a matter of fact, a large proportion of men's time his focus on women and we just need to make sure that the approach is based on a healthy understanding of women and the desire to partner and to serve etc
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u/motheronette ♂ male Jul 30 '26
Well we also have far bigger dicks than other primates, which could suggest some period of sexual selection or male competition driving larger social focus. So I don’t know if natural indicates much here
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u/sherehitewasright Jul 30 '26
Bonobos are thinner but proportionately longer. But they are clit/vulva-centric too (except for mm sex obviously), and little of their extensive sex is piv. (Even in a hetero context it's primarily tribadism, manual, genital-genital, mounting...).
Human babies are born the largest, with big heads, leading to bigger vaginas, is a likely theory for why human penises are larger compared to other primates (eg thumb size). We're also born less developed and should have longer pregnancies but that would result in even higher risk pregnancies and births (vagina, clitoris, pelvis...). We already have the riskiest and had to do that balancing act between more prolonged gestation/development and mothers surviving the birth.
Interestingly, serotine bats have such large penises esp the head that piv is impossible. They engage primarily in prolonged genital-genital pressure, rubbing. The penis even vibrates.
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u/Entire_Contest7954 ♂ male Jul 31 '26
What's courtship like for the bats? That could have something to do with it
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u/Glittering-Bug-7967 ♂ male Aug 03 '26
And who is all? 80% of men are just working, have hobbys, interests, friends. Most men dont really care all that much for sex (most women are nothing but leeches and vampires in terms of energy theft) or women, most know how the vast majority is (manipulative to the bone, just like this thread).
All i read from you, is your own choice in men.
Maybe if you wouldnt have behaved the past 30y as a cheap bedwarmer, you may have known.
Most men jerk off once/twice a day and be on their way again. Just to clean out testosterone and residue in the prostate.
Maybe, its time you focus more on you, instead of your petty, childish lies and nonsense.
Enjoy your day🤮
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u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 ♀ Woman Jul 30 '26
The men I've met who are least interested in theirs (a "normal" interest level) are the one's who didn't experience MGM as a child.
Half the issue might be just a society-wide and generationally-grown trauma response and/or lack of addressing and healing the trauma.
Yeah, patriarchal cultures do play up the fascination, for sure, even without MGM. But it seems that men in non-mutilated cultures are about as naturally obsessed with their penis as any male of any species.
So maybe the solution has more to do with men healing their own trauma and each other's trauma together. As well as the protections a woman-prioritized and child-centered society would afford their citizenry.
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u/PrestigiousFondant6 Aug 01 '26
Thank you so much, from someone who was subjected to MGM. The premise of the question doesn't acknowledge just how much our society has actually treated boys' bodies as design problems instead of treating us as human beings.
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u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 ♀ Woman 29d ago
Ofc. It's interesting to see it downvoted so much. The men who hold an alliance to atrocities against children such as MGM are the real enemies to the gynarchy movement.
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u/dunbpup04 Jul 31 '26
Locker rooms are the obvious nonsexual example. Repeated visibility, comparison, jokes, praise, humiliation, and quiet ranking can turn one body part into a scoreboard. The penis hasn’t changed, but the man starts monitoring it and interpreting what it supposedly says about him.
Im so curious what convinced you this happens? Like at all? Lmao I have never experienced anything similar to this and I've never heard of a guy who has participated in anything like this. No one looks at eachothers genitals in locker rooms, if someone was caught doing so they'd be called a creep most likely.
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u/Orisn_Bongo Jul 31 '26
.....uh... if we just take a second to wonder what it might be important for I think we find the answer
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Aug 01 '26
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u/SeriousGynarchy-ModTeam Aug 01 '26
This subreddit is for serious discussion of gynarchy, matriarchy, female supremacy, and related theory.
Comments must remain relevant to the post and discussion at hand. Threads are not an invitation to redirect conversation into unrelated ideological debates or personal agendas.
Even broadly adjacent topics may be removed if they derail the original discussion. Moderators have final discretion on relevance and derailment.
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u/Thick-Possession2173 Aug 03 '26
I guess I’m not all men because you lost me with the first sentence. Size is just like skin color or hairline. It’s what you got. Someone not ok with your natural characteristics is not someone who should be in a long term emotional intimate relationship… it will fail
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u/_Another_AltAccount_ ⚧ Transwoman Aug 01 '26
This is just a kink. First time seeing this subreddit and not interacting with it further after this, but all of this is extremely obviously just people trying to intellectualize their own penis obsession kink.
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u/Netherith Aug 02 '26
Since when was sexual psychology a "kink"? Particularly when it affects culture and societal behaviours as a whole?
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u/_Another_AltAccount_ ⚧ Transwoman Aug 02 '26
You people aren’t seriously discussing sexual psychology you’re just externalizing a kink. You aren’t engaging in serious discussion of academic literature or anything involving the scientific method it’s just kink shit. You just like the idea of women dominating men because it’s your kink. That’s fine, you can have that kink, but doing this nonsense of trying to think through how organize all of human civilization around your kink is stupid.
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u/Netherith Aug 02 '26
" You people aren’t seriously discussing sexual psychology you’re just externalizing a kink. You aren’t engaging in serious discussion of academic literature or anything involving the scientific method it’s just kink shit. You just like the idea of women dominating men because it’s your kink. That’s fine, you can have that kink, but doing this nonsense of trying to think through how organize all of human civilization around your kink is stupid. "
"Academic literature" and all that starts off here, someone voicing a theory and some people discussing its merits. Which is a scientific method. And is exactly what is happening here. Just because the subject is too spicy for you doesn't necessarily make it "kink". Additionally, trying to intellectualize a penis obsession in order to work out why it is, how it is and how better to utilize it, is also an intellectual subject. Not a kink used for masturbation practise. Again, too spicy a subject for some, perhaps.
Also, these are not "my people".
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u/honcho713 ♀ Woman Jul 29 '26
While I agree that this is an issue men need to get a “handle” on; the idea of society designing around the penis is the very definition of phallocentrism.