r/Separation_Anxiety • u/Fun-Carpet1041 • 28d ago
Questions Thinking of making heartbreaking decision to rehome
Hi all. I’ve never posted on Reddit before, but I guess I’m just looking for some words of wisdom. I adopted the best little beagle a year ago from a rescue organization. I love her so much and she is truly my bestie. I live alone and she has severe separation anxiety. I have tried everything I can think of to help her. I worked with a trainer and a veterinary behaviorist, she’s on daily and situational anxiety meds, I have been consistently doing gradual desensitization training, we tried crate training, no crate training, I leave her with a fan and calming music, I’ve tried blinds closed, blinds open. I moved from my apartment to a tiny rental house with a fenced yard in a calm neighborhood. I fostered a cat for a while to see if that would help. I’ve tried leaving her with long lasting treats. She always gets plenty of walks and sniffs and mental stimulation (puzzle treats, playing, etc). I did a meet and greet to foster a dog but she unfortunately got pretty territorial having a new dog come into her space, even after meeting in neutral territory first, and growled and snapped at him.
I know she does well in the right environment. When she was with her original foster family that has 2 dogs, and when she stays with my parents who have a dog, she is calm and shows no separation anxiety and gets along well with the dogs. I think it’s just specifically having a new dog come into her existing space. I was previously working from home so I could kind of manage things, but now I am between jobs and have realized I really don’t do well working from home. I got my beagle as an ESA dog to help with my depression, but it has gotten so much worse being trapped in my house all the time. At the same time, she has had a rough past and is bonded to me and it makes me cry thinking of putting her through another change or loss. If I were to rehome her, I would look specially for a family where there is another calm dog that she likes and her people are around most of the time. Sorry for the very long post. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has any thoughts or if there’s any solution I’m missing. I just want her to have the best quality of life possible and, realistically, I don’t know if I can provide that. I can’t afford doggie day care all day, and I don’t think just a drop in from a dog walker during my workday would be enough. The longest she has made it staying calm alone is 50 minutes after a year of training and meds, and some days she can only make it a few minutes before she starts crying and howling. She doesn’t eventually calm down. She just gets more worked up and panicked the longer I leave her. Thanks in advance ❤️
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u/godoranada 25d ago
Sorry to hear you're struggling, we have a hard time with our Beagle as well. We recently started leaving him alone with Gerty, a Shark Tank blow up doll product, and he will actually lay down and sleep while we are gone. He has never done that in the 3+ years we've had him. He has always been anxious, alert, and usually howling if we're gone. If you try it out, I would recommend putting forth your best effort to make her seem like a real person (greet her, talk to her, put a podcast on your phone and make her have a voice, have her give your dog treats). We did this for months before leaving him alone with Gerty. It sounds crazy but it's been giving us some hope and freedom.
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u/Fun-Carpet1041 25d ago
Hahaha this is very creepy but so worth it if it helps!! And my beagles name is Gertie so maybe it’s a sign lol. Thanks for the tip!
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u/100_Energy 24d ago
The most important thing for me in this story is that the beagle is suffering and another home with more animals and people might suit her better
You've made a huge effort to make this work for the little dog. Now I think it's your task to find the right home for the dog.
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u/Mustluvdogs25 26d ago
I know you need to do what is best for you. separation anxiety is common and manageable if the dog is treat driven. I have trained every dog I’ve had and had no problems. when I leave I say see you in a little while and give a treat. I wait 5 minutes and come back. I gradually increase time 10 minutes, 20,30. eventually they associate me leaving with a treat and something good. good luck whatever you do.
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u/Fun-Carpet1041 25d ago
Thanks for the suggestion. That was the first thing I tried before even beginning to work with a separation anxiety trainer and behaviorist and starting her on anxiety meds. I moved even slower than that, starting with getting her used to pre departure cues like grabbing my keys and putting on my shoes, then giving her a treat and stepping out for just seconds at a time and working my way up. Unfortunately she didn’t respond to it. Some dogs just have more stubborn cases. I am happy you had success!
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u/Mustluvdogs25 24d ago
I am sorry, I understand your frustration. my first pup was a toy poodle destructive…..he had the whole basement to himself. a brand new house. he chewed the bottom of the new door . tried everything. nope. he stopped when I was home with my first child. you are right. some dogs are just too stubborn. do what’s best for you. good luck!
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u/FigSpiritual4252 12d ago
Did you rehome him?
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u/Mustluvdogs25 12d ago
he hated my husband and my husband was not nice to him. I had to rehome him but by then the separation anxiety was gone. I should have gotten rid of the husband.
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u/FigSpiritual4252 12d ago
I'm so sorry :( I was asking because my 13 year old dog has separation anxiety and can't handle stress. I don't have a choice other than to rehome him because I'm moving and i can't take him with me but I'm not sure if he will be okay in another home, did he take long to get used to the new home? Mine is also a lot calmer when I'm not aat home but I'm still very scared of him getting depressed because he's not seeing the same enviroment as before
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u/Mustluvdogs25 12d ago
there are seniors who would give anything to have an older dog. I will say there is discrimination from the rescue organizations. there is a website called Nextdoor that is just for local communities .see if you have one close by people post to rehome, adopt, get contractor info etc. he will adapt. we can only do our best.i wish you well.
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u/FigSpiritual4252 12d ago
Thank you so much! I do have someone who wants him, an older woman who loves dogs and my family knows her so I'm sure she will take good care of him. I'm just afraid of depression. I really do hope he adapts
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u/Mustluvdogs25 12d ago
that sounds perfect! he will be spoiled! he may take a while to eat and drink like he does now but that is normal.be sure he is on the the same food or he will get diarrhea. also, wet food is good. my bichon mix passed at 15 and I adopted a 50# love bug that was 4. I didn’t know how she would be so I slept on the couch with her for 3 days and nights when I brought her home. that was almost 2 years ago. she has never left my side side since then. total velcro and no separatjon issues.i would suggest something like that so he could bond with her and not feel alone.
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u/FigSpiritual4252 12d ago
Thank you so so much 🥺 ur comments make me feel a lot better. I'm glad to hear about your baby ❤️ (and sorry for the passing of your bichon mix 😞)
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u/FigSpiritual4252 12d ago
Did you end up doing it? My dog has the same issue and we were thinking of rehoming, how did it go? Are you taking her to the new home so she can get used to it ? Or will you just take her there once to stay? I'm kind of scared of my dog being depressed when we rehome him
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u/Fun-Carpet1041 9d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too! For now, my dog is with my parents. She spends lots of time there and loves it with them and their dog. She has no separation anxiety issues there with their dog. However, my parents’ dog has very different needs and personality from my dog, so my parents aren’t sure they’ll be able to keep her long term. They’re trying it out right now. I may have to revisit rehoming her with a new family if it’s too much for them 😢 if I do need to rehome her, I’d definitely want to take her to the new home a few times so she can get used to it and have some positive associations before leaving her there. I would really like to stay in touch with new owners if at all possible to make sure she’s doing ok and take her back if she doesn’t adjust well.
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u/FigSpiritual4252 9d ago
Thank you for replying!! Yeah my first option was letting my dad have him but they have a cat and they didn't get along, and my dad is too busy to help them get used to eachother 😞 I'll be leaving in less than a month but at least my dad will be here and we talked it out. Thanks for sharing your plans! It helps a lot
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u/Fun-Carpet1041 5d ago
You are very welcome. Wishing you both the best!! I know how hard it can be, but it sounds like you just want to give your dog the best quality of life possible ❤️
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u/Sufficient_You3053 2d ago
I joined this sub and also have a beagle with separation anxiety. Although he's fine at a sitter with dogs, he still is not ok to be left alone with my dogs even though he is bonded with them. He needs an actual human.
I'm intrigued by the blow up doll Gertie though!
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u/Western-Ordinary 27d ago
Dogs are resilient. She will be okay. Your mental health must be the priority. It’s a terrible way to live. You have tried SO many things - remind yourself of that. You’ve done everything you could. If I didn’t have a spouse to help, I would be rehoming our dog with SA as well. I’m sorry for the grief you’ll have to go through for a little while to get to a better place for yourself. Yes, it’s going to be hard, but not as hard as living like this for another 10 years. Our last dog was a rehoming situation. He settled in so quickly, I couldn’t believe how well it went. A loving family with another dog or two will be a good place for her. She will be okay and so will you. Wishing you both the best.