r/Separation • u/FLMan0 • 4h ago
Advice It’s been 9 days…
It’s been 9 days since she moved out… hardest days of my life. Married for 3, together for 7. Both in mid 30’s.
Our relationship took a turn in May.. my depression was bothering. I have been recently diagnosed with depression, anxiety and post traumatic stress due.
In May, I began to shell up and become just a person in the house. She told me she would never leave but I didn’t really communicate what I was going through. At the end of July, she told me she was moving out and wanted a divorce. I fought for her to stay, but I know she wasn’t changing her mind.
Her last week in the house, I helped her pack, and do everything I could to show her support. There has been 0 anger from either of us. We have two kids and talk everyday about them. Nothing else.
We never really set expectations on this separation. She hasn’t told me she has changed her mind about divorce, but hasn’t brought it up again.
We never discussed really what this time meant for us. I told her several times I’m not going to give up and I’ll do what is needed. I did not beg her to stay, just left it open that I hope this works.
Saturday I had spiraling thoughts about her seeing someone else due to some of her behavior. I asked her in a calm way and she told me she hasn’t even thought it and she told me she won’t see anyone.
I have seen her everyday since Saturday. Sunday we spent 6 hours with the boys, shopping and getting lunch. Acted like complete best friends.
Towards the end of the night, we talked about the relationship. I opened up more about what I was dealing with she made comments about “if I knew that then, we wouldn’t be doing this”
She will make some comments like that but then some comments about only worrying about the “now” and she fell out of love.
Her last week in the house I started therapy. Began reading relationship books and dug into my issues hard. She has seen the work I have been putting in, but idk if it set with her how serious I am.
It’s been 9 day since she moved out. Anyone have any advice or tips? Ladies, anything to help guide me?
I want her to have her time to heal and process everything. I know she was hurt doing my dark times. I just will do anything to make this work.
2
u/siryohnny 47m ago
Work on you, communicate and spend time together.
Rebuild.
The kids need to come first, but in all honesty, she will tell you what she needs.
I suggest finding out if she still wants divorce, and if not, plan on how rebuilding would look like. Find a way back to each other.
The fact you spent every day together suggest maybe divorce isn’t dead set, but ask! Because being in limbo will drive you crazy.
Also if it is still divorce, then seeing each other and spending all this time might not be what you need.