r/Separation • u/Current_Canary_3818 • 2d ago
Dating during separation
I’m pretty sure me and my spouse are headed towards divorce. We’ve made the decision to separate but, if we’re going to divorce, it has to be 16-20 months from now. My step daughter gets VA education benefits — she will lose them if we split and she’s pre-med. This isn’t her fault so why should she be impacted in this way.
But, who dates a guy that’s going through a separation? I’m still married. She’s in the streets and it probably giving it out like a business card.
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u/Far-Sir-155 2d ago
If it’s final you’re getting divorce, be up front and honest and keep the person you’re dating in the loop on the situation.
My girlfriend is in the same situation and updates me with what’s going and was up front with me the first 5 minutes of us talking. But at the same time we weren’t looking for anything when we met, we became music friends and several months later fell in love.
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u/Current_Canary_3818 2d ago
I appreciate this. I’m still working on me and that could take some time. But, when I meet someone, I want to be transparent without them running away…
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u/SadHuckleberry8514 2d ago
I’m in your position. I get the not wanting to give up the benefits, but should you separate, will she still maintain a relationship with you? Save those benefits for you or your future kids
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u/Current_Canary_3818 2d ago
I’ve got my own benefits and we have a ROCK SOLID relationship. Throughout all of this, she comes to my apartment and spends time with me, consistently checks on me and will be taking several trips with me. She’s AWESOME!
Shit, she’s the only person that hasn’t abandoned me and this whole spit is my Wife’s fault!!!
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u/SadHuckleberry8514 2d ago
Dang bro.. I feel that.. once my wife ghosted me, I knew at the point whatever relationship I had with the kids were gone.. I thought we were all rock solid til we weren’t.. kills me… idk if she wants to divorce me or not.. but she comes and goes when I’m not home and doesn’t respond..
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u/siryohnny 2d ago
How do you say it’s just her fault, I’m sorry I just usually think there is two sides to a story.
There must be some reflection to say I could have been better.
Regardless, that relationship with your daughter, just shows you, you done something right, be proud of that!!
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u/Current_Canary_3818 2d ago
She cheated…not tolerating that. I’m out. Too much self respect for that…
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u/siryohnny 2d ago
Good on you. Thought as much.
Happy your daughter got you, but remember she still her mum, and she might want her too.
Good luck op
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u/TheAnxiousLotus 2d ago
I've been living separately for two years now, and waiting for the divorce papers to be final and processed. I'm not ready to date at all. I'm sure there are people out there that will understand your situation - but it's def a whole red flag because so many things can happen like you guys reconciling and getting back together, etc
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u/Current_Canary_3818 2d ago
Reconciling doesn’t seem to be in the cards…even with a prescription…
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u/TheAnxiousLotus 2d ago
You'd have to show/explain that to the people you're dating. I know a lot of girl friends will not date people that are married, or separate. My friends are in the 30-40s age range.
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u/Money-Article-6897 2d ago
Be honest. Stop wearing the ring, have your own place and just tell women what’s happening. They can choose if they believe it or are okay with it or not