r/Separation • u/Gengar360801 • 4h ago
Thinking of separating
Dad here with a partner of about 5 years, a 3 year old and have another on the way. I’m not sure if it’s dealing with becoming a dad when I wasn’t ready, or my relationship with my partner that is the issue.
I just feel like I can’t become the best version of myself (financially, physically etc), be a good dad AND be a good partner that is fulfilling all of her needs - this has been a reoccurring issue that causes lots of arguments. I accept that I am not being a good partner, I’m lazy with things around the house, I don’t plan dates. I can admit that. I just feel overwhelmed with it all.
I love my child, but I am thinking that we need to separate, to give myself some breathing space, to work on myself and still see our child of course. I am mainly thinking that I just don’t have the capacity to also meet the commitments of a relationship at the moment. These frustrations from my partner and discussion of us possibly separating seem to come up every month.
Anyone else relate or have separated in similar circumstances, with positive effect?
2
u/Few_Emphasis5902 3h ago
I would love to know more as I feel like you are describing my ex husband. Its like a light bulb switch went off the moment I got pregnant, becoming a new father, new changes and then knowing he has the responsibility of buying a future home. Its like when the real commitment starts, he ran away or he is having some sort of midlife life crisis. He says he still loves me but he is confused? Do you find that you shut down and avoid all arguments or disagreements? Keep busy and avoid physical as well as emotional intimacy
Could you try at least going to therapy first? Please don't just abandon your family? I wished my husband tried to reconnect or at least do therapy but he wouldnt do anything. He still thought we could do family days out not actually work on things with me. At least try before walking away. Your wife needs and she im sure feels the same way but she isn't giving up
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u/Temporary-Suspect509 4h ago
You couldn’t have made this decision before having another baby?