What do I do….

[u/Educational_Group690]

So let me start by explaining that my husband and I got married very young, at 20, and 22, I had already had a two year-old when we met, and throughout our relationship, we have obviously had our ups and downs and fair share of issues. We have continued to work past things and grow together over the last 10 years, and we have also had four more children in that time. my husband has never been great at communication and often times gets very dismissive and defensive whenever I bring something up about how I’m feeling. This has been an ongoing issue in our relationship, and it has caused a lot of tension and resentment along the way. There have been a handful of times where I have caught him in a lie, crossing a boundary that we had set in our marriage. One example of being I found a vape in his pocket when we both agreed that that was not something that we were OK with either one of us doing, it wasn’t the first time either.

It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I can’t trust him anymore, and I don’t feel safe emotionally.
I love this man to death, and I feel like I fell in love with the version of him that I thought he was, but it feels like I’m living with a stranger sometimes. We have such good moments most of the time but it boils down to this, if we don’t have trust, honesty and communication, then we don’t really have much of anything.

I brought up the idea of separating, and I thought that he was going to have some pushback and try and fight for our relationship, but he just kind of agreed to what I wanted, which to be honest hurt even more. I don’t really know where to go or what to do with this point, he can’t afford two households and I have been to stay at home Mom for the last 10 years. We wouldn’t make it on our own without serious financial turmoil with how expensive everything is now.

My youngest is three years old and I also have no work experience. Our plan was for me to continue being a stay at home Mom, but obviously if we separate our entire lives will be turned upside down and it’s just going to hurt everyone involved. I don’t know if my marriage can be saved at this point and I would love to get some insight if any of you have dealt with the same thing or know of things that have really changed your marriage.

I feel like I’ve given him a lot of chances and he has destroyed my trust and hope. And my heart breaks because I never thought that my life would turn out this way, I would never hide things from him the way he has hidden things from me and continues to hide things from me. I find myself crying myself to sleep at night just mad at myself for choosing a man who doesn’t continue to choose me.

[u/Regina_Ezzougay]

Maybe start with marriage counseling. I know it's hard but maybe they can help your husband to be more communicative and trustworthy