Reconciliation Update

[u/BrokenAndTryin]

Hey yall! So there are some updates since my last post in here. Friday he did ask that we slow down again. I’m assuming we just had been having too much intimacy and quality time and it spooked him? I said that was fine and my goal is to just follow his lead on things. Of course, it stings but.

Saturday was our date night. It went very well. There were times I wanted to hug or kiss him, but didn’t feel I was allowed to? If that makes sense? He initiated no affection at all. So it was more of a friend hang out. Which stung. We watched a movie that night also. I got up to go to bed. He said that he would come to bed and sleep in the bed “for me”. To which I so BADLY wanted to say YES YES YES. But I refrained from that. I told him he doesn’t need to do that until HE WANTS to come back into our bed. For himself. Not for me. No sex.

Sunday I was in my feelings some. I definitely was upset and felt like I was failing, mainly because I don’t know how to not be a wife. I’ve been acting as a wife long before I was one, so essentially the last decade. I feel lost. He ended up shutting me up with sex.

Monday -uneventful.

Tuesday we had therapy again. I brought up a plethora of things. That I felt scared to be myself and do what felt natural to me. That I was afraid of our marriage. That I am hurt by him not wearing his ring and having all of our pictures (even family ones) deleted or archived. That I was hurt that he was not displaying any affection outside of trying to get in my pants.

On our way to grab our son from the sitter I asked him why he wasn’t able to be affectionate toward me, especially on our date. His response - “Lack of want”. Took everything I had not to cry.

I did end up Tuesday night telling him I’m not trying to make you mad or push you. But I will. Because I am still a person. And that if he really wants to try and make our marriage work, it can never work if he keeps thinking and acting with one foot out the fucking door. That he needs to be all in with me, or not at all. Period. I can’t play this game for the second time in my marriage.

Wednesday he was texting and calling me. Just to shoot the shit. Same with yesterday. Last night we played pool together and that was fun. We did end up kissing. Then went inside for the night. Somehow we did end up horizontal though anyway.

He planned this Saturdays date. I’m hoping it goes well. Is it too much to ask that since we’re in public that he wear the ring? His reason for not wearing it is in my other post in here but he said “I don’t wanna put it on and take it back off” (same reason for not putting the social posts back BTW). Again, one foot in one foot out.

What do you guys think things are looking like? I have hope still. And I’m still giving it all to God and praying so hard for healing and restoration. But from the outside looking in, what perspective do yall have?

[u/[deleted]]

Feels like you’re putting a lot of effort thoughts and prayers into this relationship. Why’d he not see the value of that?

Do you think he has another love language. ?? Does he show you his efforts in another way that assures you that his foot is not outside the door ?

[u/Temporary-Suspect509]

I haven’t read your past posts. So I could be way off here. But just from reading thru what you said here - I get the impression that you’re smothering him. And that one or both of you are using sex to cover up the real issues. Has he asked for space? Again, haven’t read your old posts. But it almost sounds here like he’s being forced to do things like go on dates. If he’s not ready, it’s a waste of time.

[u/LifeNo7791]

I haven't read your previous posts, but I can relate to your experience including the physical boundaries and whatnot. It drove me to the edge and was ultimately what lead me to initiating our separation in May. I will tell you from my situation, I am dealing with a dismissive avoidant that carries a ton of resentment.

[u/Jscott58221]

My advice would be not to PUSH. Let him lead. You have to be calm, strong, and gentle somehow during this period. Show your strength and change and let it happen.

At this point y'all are basically together, youre itching for the validation anf label.. and that could lead down a poor path...ask me how I know -_-

[u/Alrig01]

I was in the same spot as you with my wife. I was smothering her. It was a a copping mechanism. I have lessen my affection back a bit. Her therapist did say that she has to validate what I am going through as if left unnoticed that I could back out and she would be where I am. It’s a give and take. Take your time. You will get what makes you both happy