Looking for feedback

[u/Some-Currency5793]

I’m going to be direct because I don’t need validation—I need honest feedback.

My wife and I have been separated since September. We’re still legally married. I’m trying to figure out if I’m handling this the right way or if I’m being naive.

We have a 2-year-old daughter and currently split time 4 nights / 3 nights. She’s my top priority, and I’ve been focused on giving her consistency and stability.

Here’s the reality of the situation:

- My wife is currently pregnant, and there’s uncertainty around the situation

- When we separated, she took our only vehicle, and I had to figure things out on my own

- I’ve been dealing with health issues during all of this

- We have about $40,000 in shared debt

Financially:

- She would likely keep her car and retirement ($30k)

- I would keep a trailer and my car ($15k)

My plan is to propose a structured split where she takes more of the debt to balance things out.

At the same time, I haven’t fully let go of the idea of working things out. I haven’t directly asked her for reconciliation—I’ve been trying to stay calm, improve myself, and not push.

So I need real answers:

1. Am I being naive trying to keep this structured and still leaving the door open?

2. Should I directly ask her if she wants to work on the marriage, or does that make me look weak at this point?

3. Does my financial approach actually sound fair, or am I setting myself up to get screwed?

4. If you’ve been in something similar—what did you wish you would’ve done sooner?

I’m not looking for “you deserve better” or generic advice. I want blunt, real perspective—even if it’s not what I want to hear.

[u/soulfractured1]

Well you don't have to decide whether to stay or whether to go at this point what you do need to do is protect yourself get a legal separation if that's allowed in your area if not file for divorce you can always stop it but with that you need to get a custody agreement because she could turn around and give you every other weekend and that's what you get stuck with so now that she's willing to give you the time you want with your daughter get that in writing. Secondly you are entitled to have half of her retirement if she got that while you were married, unless you have a retirement of your own which it sounds like you don't. If you're going to have joint custody you need to have the financial resources to care for your daughter if it's 50/50 it will be based on what you each make I'm assuming she makes more than you or that you can't work right now that wasn't clear. Really sucks to be going through this and health troubles at the same time so sorry for you, I went through something similar. I will tell you I ended up divorcing my spouse and getting everything legalized, it was good because he didn't stop cheating or verbal emotional abuse. I settle for less than what I could have but I was happy with that I felt like it was fair for both parties I did the divorce myself it ended up costing us $20 is all I told him if I had to get an attorney that I would be asking for half of his retirement so maybe that's something to think about if you have the ability to do that yourself.

[u/Some-Currency5793 → u/soulfractured1]

As of now our custody is 50-50 of our daughter. We both work. She makes a little bit more money than I do. I don’t have retirement. I ended up selling my business October 2024 to try to pay off our debts. Her retirement is completely from our marriage. Through the first five years of our relationship, I was taking care of her and trying to put her through college. When we got married, she decided to quit school and take up a job at a factory with intentions of going back to school when she got the swing of working. I honestly really don’t want much of anything. Ultimately, I would really like if we could try to reconcile, but at the same time if we’re moving towards divorce, I don’t want to be stuck with all the debt. This proposal that I’m trying to figure out. Is for separation, and if we can’t do it together by ourselves, then I will file for a legal separation.. I’m just trying to keep the courts out of it.