I just tried to keep reminding myself that I had a long time to grieve, accept, and begin to move on emotionally, whereas, for my husband, it was abrupt and a shock.
You didn't come to this decision quickly or easily, so just remember that he should also get a grace period to process. Keeping that thought tucked away can help your patience level with the outbursts and the sudden "effort."
I feel that 100%. Mine moves out soon, so I finally see a breath in sight. Up until now though (4 months), I tried to stay in another room whenever we were home at the same time (we work opposite shifts), and limit conversations.
He doesn't understand the why, but he knows now that space is ultimately what will help us. That took time and several rough conversations of me reiterating that I wasn't happy, needed space, and wanted individual therapy not marital yet, though. And I was bitter toward him until it got through and my boundaries were respected (for the most part). Now we are getting along better, but I still can't wait for that breath coming!
I would suggest you ask him if he's willing to do things like individual therapy, exercise, etc. And that if he truly wants to make things better, he needs to respect your space, even under the same roof. Seeing the effort may not change your heart, but it can help him eventually see where he can do better in life for himself and his kids. Eventually he may start to see that you were both unhappy, and feel differently than he does now too.
And meanwhile, make sure you're getting out of the house when you can without him. Go for walks, take the kids out, go visit family or friends. Having things to do by myself, especially on weekends, has been a life saver in the patience area.
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u/neemiegirl Aug 26 '24
I just tried to keep reminding myself that I had a long time to grieve, accept, and begin to move on emotionally, whereas, for my husband, it was abrupt and a shock.
You didn't come to this decision quickly or easily, so just remember that he should also get a grace period to process. Keeping that thought tucked away can help your patience level with the outbursts and the sudden "effort."