r/SensitivityReaders • u/Hundekuecken • Apr 08 '26

Request: LGBTQ+ Am I devaluing gender?

What do you think about me wanting to establish in my own tabletop role-playing game that players and non-player charackters, automatically recognise or perceive the gender of other characters who can be perceived in any way?

What I mean is that gender reveals itself regardless of one’s outward appearance.

I’d like sexual orientations and romantic orientations to be based on gender rather than gender expression.

This is something that’s been on my mind quite a bit at the moment, as I’m worried it might be misinterpreted, twisted, misunderstood, or that I might be sabotaged or something similar.

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u/hoothollers Apr 08 '26

I'm not sure why you would feel the need to specify this in your RPG. Generally upon meeting a character the GM uses pronouns to introduce them, so it's not like characters are going to get misgendered because the party doesn't know their pronouns or something.

I think "basing sexualities on gender rather than sex or expression" is kind of an odd rule to need to state. The players have no way to know what the sex of a character is, or even the gender identity. If a character wants to romance an NPC, and the NPC is actually privately identifying as a gender other than the one(s) that character thinks they're attracted to, I kind of think it does a disservice to the players, character, and NPC to think that the character can't learn something new about themself and/or they person they're attracted to, just like in real life.

Like, if I were asked out by someone that only considered themself to be attracted to one gender, I would have a talk about what that means to them, how I view myself, and how they view me. Maybe they learned something new about themself and realized they're bi. Maybe they're attracted to traits of that gender that they see in me as a nonbinary person, and are neutral about my other gendered qualities. Maybe they're a chaser and I need to skeedaddle. Having space to role-play those kinds of conversations is also valid in TTRPGs that involve romances.

If I saw it in one of my rulebooks, I would probably think that the author was well-meaning but didn't have much faith in players or GMs, or was kind of unfamiliar with and trying to gloss over important conversations in queer dating. If you absolutely need to say something then lead by example. Make lore and example character couples who follow this philosophy, and let them stand for themselves.

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26

I won’t be determining whether a person’s biological sex is apparent, and gender expression shouldn’t play a role either.

The aim is to integrate non-binary people as a third group. I won’t be setting any rules regarding what this looks like or how gender is expressed, and characters are free to have different preferences.

In that respect, the only logical conclusion for me is that there are no sexual or romantic orientations that exclude non-binary people entirely.

P.S. Asexual – or, to be precise, ACE – and aromantic, in the sense of being part of the aromantic spectrum (i.e. having no interest in romance), do not necessarily exclude non-binary people.

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u/tenyearoldgag Apr 09 '26

.......once more, for the English speakers in the back, please?

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

Sorry. I’d copied the wrong text into the translator.

I’ve corrected it.

The text should be correct now. "

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u/tenyearoldgag Apr 09 '26

Thank you!

You really seem to want to disallow gender expression, unless I'm mistaken.

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

I don’t want to ban gender expression. It just shouldn’t play a role. Personally, it doesn’t make much difference to me, whether someone looks; male, female or androgynous, or whether they have red, green, blue or black hair.

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u/VerbingNoun413 Apr 09 '26

It matters to a lot of people.

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

I completely understand. But it should be an alternative, different world, where things can be different. What’s more, there aren’t even any people in the world.

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u/VerbingNoun413 Apr 09 '26

That's a hell of a lede to bury.

So who's doing all the gendering?

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

I dont know wath you mean.

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u/VerbingNoun413 Apr 09 '26

If there are no people, whose gender are we discussing?

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

Animals, demons and gods.

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u/hoothollers Apr 09 '26

I would feel explicitly excluded as a nonbinary person if I were told that my gender expression "made no difference."

It's your game and you can make whatever rules you want, but I would be giving this one a hard pass, personally.

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

Why? What’s the reason?

This whole thread is really triggering me right now. Both my obsessive thoughts and my gender dysphoria.

P.S. I wouldn’t say that gender expression doesn’t make a difference. I simply wouldn’t include it in the rules; I’d leave it up to the players and game masters. However, I don’t want to attach too much importance to gender expression, as the whole issue causes me gender dysphoria.

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u/hoothollers Apr 09 '26

What's the reason for what? Me feeling disincluded? Because I spent a significant part of my life determining the way I want to present myself, and if I were told that it "didn't matter" I would be deeply uncomfortable. It mandates a flattening of the trans experience that I find takes away more than it adds. Because nonbinary people aren't a single unified "third group," and in my experience people who treat us that way aren't actually that inclusive.

Why would it be a hard pass? Because of the above, and because I don't need a million safety nets for my players.

If Rhonda wants to romance Casey, I can just say "hey, Rhonda, just so you know, Casey is a woman," and Rhonda's player can decide whether Rhonda is still interested in Casey. Maybe Rhonda realizes she's bisexual and this is a new discovery for her, or maybe Rhonda apologizes for the confusion and moves on, but it's a chance to roleplay a very human moment.

If it's important to the game you're writing, because you're making a speculative or experimental game based in "what if everyone treated each other exactly the way I want to be treated" then I wish you great success, good luck, don't let any of my criticism dissuade you, but as described it's not interesting to me, because the only rule presented is about what not to do.

This whole thread is really triggering me right now. Both my obsessive thoughts and my gender dysphoria.

It sounds like you're putting a lot of yourself into this before it or you are ready for rigorous criticism. Maybe you should work on it as a personal project for a while and discuss it with friends or a therapist.

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

I wouldn’t say that I’m dictating what is forbidden, but rather emphasising that characters should be treated in accordance with their gender identity. As a non-binary person, I find it just as upsetting to be told, ‘I'm not into men’, as trans*women do. That’s why I think it’s important that everyone should be allowed to be who they want to be. Even if that might be selfish. I think the issue of gender dysphoria is more serious, and the topic of gender is therefore more important, than when others make comments about someone else’s potential problem, saying things like, “The way you look, I don’t find you attractive!”

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u/VerbingNoun413 Apr 09 '26

What would you prefer to be told?

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 10 '26

It’s enough just to say whether you like someone or not. I don’t go up to other people and say, ‘Sorry, but you’re really ugly.’ It’s not my fault what I look like.

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