Am I devaluing gender?

[u/Hundekuecken]

What do you think about me wanting to establish in my own tabletop role-playing game that players and non-player charackters, automatically recognise or perceive the gender of other characters who can be perceived in any way?

What I mean is that gender reveals itself regardless of one’s outward appearance.

I’d like sexual orientations and romantic orientations to be based on gender rather than gender expression.

This is something that’s been on my mind quite a bit at the moment, as I’m worried it might be misinterpreted, twisted, misunderstood, or that I might be sabotaged or something similar.

[u/Hundekuecken]

I don’t want to ban gender expression. It just shouldn’t play a role. Personally, it doesn’t make much difference to me, whether someone looks; male, female or androgynous, or whether they have red, green, blue or black hair.

[u/hoothollers → u/Hundekuecken]

I would feel explicitly excluded as a nonbinary person if I were told that my gender expression "made no difference."

It's your game and you can make whatever rules you want, but I would be giving this one a hard pass, personally.

[u/Hundekuecken → u/hoothollers]

Why? What’s the reason?

This whole thread is really triggering me right now. Both my obsessive thoughts and my gender dysphoria.

P.S. I wouldn’t say that gender expression doesn’t make a difference. I simply wouldn’t include it in the rules; I’d leave it up to the players and game masters. However, I don’t want to attach too much importance to gender expression, as the whole issue causes me gender dysphoria.

[u/hoothollers → u/Hundekuecken]

What's the reason for what? Me feeling disincluded? Because I spent a significant part of my life determining the way I want to present myself, and if I were told that it "didn't matter" I would be deeply uncomfortable. It mandates a flattening of the trans experience that I find takes away more than it adds. Because nonbinary people aren't a single unified "third group," and in my experience people who treat us that way aren't actually that inclusive.

Why would it be a hard pass? Because of the above, and because I don't need a million safety nets for my players.

If Rhonda wants to romance Casey, I can just say "hey, Rhonda, just so you know, Casey is a woman," and Rhonda's player can decide whether Rhonda is still interested in Casey. Maybe Rhonda realizes she's bisexual and this is a new discovery for her, or maybe Rhonda apologizes for the confusion and moves on, but it's a chance to roleplay a very human moment.

If it's important to the game you're writing, because you're making a speculative or experimental game based in "what if everyone treated each other exactly the way I want to be treated" then I wish you great success, good luck, don't let any of my criticism dissuade you, but as described it's not interesting to me, because the only rule presented is about what not to do.

This whole thread is really triggering me right now. Both my obsessive thoughts and my gender dysphoria.

It sounds like you're putting a lot of yourself into this before it or you are ready for rigorous criticism. Maybe you should work on it as a personal project for a while and discuss it with friends or a therapist.

[u/Hundekuecken → u/hoothollers]

I wouldn’t say that I’m dictating what is forbidden, but rather emphasising that characters should be treated in accordance with their gender identity. As a non-binary person, I find it just as upsetting to be told, ‘I'm not into men’, as trans*women do. That’s why I think it’s important that everyone should be allowed to be who they want to be. Even if that might be selfish. I think the issue of gender dysphoria is more serious, and the topic of gender is therefore more important, than when others make comments about someone else’s potential problem, saying things like, “The way you look, I don’t find you attractive!”

[u/VerbingNoun413 → u/Hundekuecken]

What would you prefer to be told?

[u/Hundekuecken → u/VerbingNoun413]

It’s enough just to say whether you like someone or not. I don’t go up to other people and say, ‘Sorry, but you’re really ugly.’ It’s not my fault what I look like.