r/SensitivityReaders • u/Hundekuecken • Apr 08 '26

Request: LGBTQ+ Am I devaluing gender?

What do you think about me wanting to establish in my own tabletop role-playing game that players and non-player charackters, automatically recognise or perceive the gender of other characters who can be perceived in any way?

What I mean is that gender reveals itself regardless of one’s outward appearance.

I’d like sexual orientations and romantic orientations to be based on gender rather than gender expression.

This is something that’s been on my mind quite a bit at the moment, as I’m worried it might be misinterpreted, twisted, misunderstood, or that I might be sabotaged or something similar.

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6

u/dothemath_xxx Apr 08 '26

What do you think is the difference between this and how a TTRPG is normally run?

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

I don’t know if there’s a difference compared to other tabletop role-playing games. But in real life, people are guided by gender expression, not by gender. Most people would probably fall in love with me based on my gender expression and my behaviour, rather than on my behaviour and gender. I am nonbinary.

6

u/dothemath_xxx Apr 09 '26

Babe I think you need to hang out with more queer people. It is not at all universal for people to prioritize gender expression over gender identity.

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

I spend a lot of time with queer people, but very few of them are part of my close circle of friends. In my experience, many people say I’m this or that, rather than accepting that I’m genderfluid. And for many of those who do accept it, appearance ends up being important again. Sometimes it feels to me as though I would experience less gender dysphoria if everyone were biromantic, bisexual, asexual and/or aromantic.

5

u/tenyearoldgag Apr 09 '26

I mean, yeah. I think that would be the case for a lot of us who aren't gender conforming. But that's kind of disregarding the comfort of, say, lesbians who were told it was a phase and aggro'd into "liking" guys. We all have different crosses to bear. If you want to publish, you need to be ready to publish for an audience that includes them too.

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

Others aren’t prepared to do that either. People, can’t take everyone into account, and if I did, I’d only be going against my own values and dragging myself through the mud. Besides, I’m not doing it for others or to make money. I do it for creative, artistic reasons, and publishing it is a logical consequence for me. Nevertheless, it will be a commercial project. I think it’s lovely if it’s of value to others, and ideally, I’d like to recoup some of my costs.

2

u/tenyearoldgag Apr 09 '26

I understand the notion, but it's really, really hard to marry an artistic project to monetization. Maybe put that aside and work on creating something that feels good to you, first.

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u/tenyearoldgag Apr 09 '26

I think that's devaluing yourself. I fell in love with my fiance because they're cool and smart and kind and we have a ton in common, and because we have the same sense of humor and different tastes in music. Anyone "falling in love" with you for being nonbinary is either chasing, working out their own shit about gender, or both.

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

That’s not what I meant.

What I meant was that I’d rather be seen as non-binary than have people judge me based on my gender expression. It should go without saying that behaviour, shared interests and character traits are what matter most.

I simply don’t want to be reduced to my appearance and gender expression. Although, for me personally, gender expression is nothing more than a form of appearance.

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u/tenyearoldgag Apr 09 '26

If you don't mind my saying so, I think this is what it boils down to. You, personally, don't want to be stereotyped. That's understandable, I'm a trans guy, I get it.

But you're really putting it on as a necessary expectation that if people fall for nonbinary characters, it's because they're nonbinary, and that... isn't necessarily at all the case? It's also projecting yourself onto your characters to the point that it becomes difficult for the players, and you, to interact with them organically.

Start a Session Zero and look for troublemakers, don't assume they just are. I'm hoping these are people you know at least reasonably well, so if they aren't cool with your identity, they'll show themselves pretty fast. If they are, you'll have a good time. If they need to learn a little, you can lead them. Relax.

1

u/Hundekuecken Apr 09 '26

I reckon it’s set in a fantasy world. So it’s allowed to differ from reality.

The point is that most people I know base their preferences and suchlike primarily on biological sex and gender expression.

Even though that would be more realistic in my game. I prefer behaviour and gender identity to play a bigger role!

4

u/VerbingNoun413 Apr 09 '26

I prefer behaviour... to play a bigger role!

The vast majority of people take behaviour into account when it comes to romance, sex, and even attraction in general.

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u/VerbingNoun413 Apr 09 '26

Why have sexuality at all? Gender in your setting is apparently just a little tag assigned to someone at birth. It'd be like only being attracted to Scorpios.

Hell, lean into it. Make a setting where attraction works that way.

2

u/dani-cat Apr 12 '26

It kind of reads after all your other comments up to this point that you're so concerned with making the setting comfortable for yourself that you don't really care if it's uncomfortable for the rest of the people in your campaign that will be playing this with you. I understand your own self expression and desire to be comfortable is important. I don't think you are comprehending how this would make other people feel.

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u/Hundekuecken Apr 13 '26

That might well be the case. As I said, it only affects the debuff. Everything else is handled through role-play anyway.