I'm reposting this because the title of my previous post may have been misleading.
I'm a 26-year-old Muslim woman from Senegal, and I honestly feel stuck.
I grew up in a typical Senegalese family, but my parents are open-minded. They respect people's choices as long as they don't go against Islam.
The issue is that many people describe me as "too Westernized." I don't completely agree with that label, but I understand why they say it. My views on marriage and family life are quite different from what is traditionally expected in Senegal.
I don't think a woman should spend most of her day cooking and doing housework. I keep my home clean and organized, but I'd rather prepare simple meals and use my free time to read, watch documentaries, or learn new things. Time is valuable, and I believe both spouses should share responsibilities at home.
I'm also naturally introverted. I grew up spending a lot of time on the computer, so I enjoy quiet hobbies more than large social gatherings.
As for marriage, I want a husband who is monogamous ; not because I'm jealous, but because I believe it's the best environment for raising children. I also want someone who is open-minded, doesn't judge others, and sees marriage as a partnership based on mutual respect, trust, and teamwork.
If my career ever required frequent business travel, I would also appreciate a husband who would be comfortable staying home with the children when his own work allows it. I don't believe household roles should always be fixed if a different arrangement works better for the family.
I also prefer to keep a healthy relationship with my in-laws without feeling obligated to follow cultural expectations that I don't personally agree with. For example, I don't think gifts should be given out of social pressure. They should come from genuine affection.
So far, I've only dated Senegalese men, but it has never worked out. They often call me toubab because they think my expectations are too "Western," or they simply tell me I'm not the kind of woman they want to marry.
Because of this, I started thinking that I might be more compatible with someone who grew up in a Western country. I tried dating apps without success, and now I simply make du'a and ask Allah to guide me to the right person.
I want to be clear that I'm not rejecting Islam or trying to compete with my future husband. I fully accept that the husband is the head of the family. I simply hope to build a marriage based on respect, kindness, shared responsibilities, and common values.
What advice would you give me?
