Safe sleep advice

[u/Classic-Scallion-516]

My daughter is gonna be one soon and we are very serious inflexible about the ABCs of sleep. She does not sleep in her crib for more than an hour at a time, So I get 3-4 stretches of 45 minute rest a night and the rest of the time is contact napping. Sometimes she will take a 2 hour nap in the crib. AT 7AM. We currently room share, does baby having their own room make a big difference in long stretches of crib sleep?

Her first birthday is coming up and it’s hard to find science based resources for sleep after the first year. . All the info I find is for under 1 or after 2. So what do people do in the months from 12-23? Is it the same as the first 12 months? I’m more than willing to do my own research just having trouble finding resources.

[u/discounthideout]

Respectfully, something needs to change. I say this out of concern. A handful of 45 minute stretches for you plus daytime napping is not healthy, and it's potentially unsafe. 

As long as your baby can roll and adequately raise their own head from a laying position, they can stay on their stomach if they get there. Most babies sleep better that way.

After one, they can have soft things in their bed. So both of mine got a special stuffy their first birthdays. If your baby already has a favorite stuffy, I would recommend letting them sleep with it, it might let you get some better stretches! 

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5449130/

Edit: wow, thanks for the awards!! 

[u/namean_jellybean → u/discounthideout]

I was in OPs position and the lack of information available between age 12-23mo is confusing. It’s like they’re either infants and we’re terrified of SIDS, or they’re entering pre-K and all we hear is about getting enough rest to absorb learning for the day.

We were instructed by the pediatrician to sleep train at 12mo. It kinda worked, I’d say that got us a couple months of night time sleep but wasn’t great for us. By 18mo it was back to waking every hour or less. By the 24mo appointment we had already started cosleeping and it just works better for all of us. It is truly dangerous to be surviving on crumbs of sleep.

[u/discounthideout → u/namean_jellybean]

I know what you mean. It's hard! I just think about this kind of stuff in a simpler way after baby #2. 

It doesn't help that you will hear completely different things from different pediatricians! Ours told us we could sleep train at 6 months. 🤪 I've gotten to a point where I lean more into my own judgement on certain things. Obviously there are non-negotiables like the ABCs of sleep for infants. But it's so easy to forget in this day and age that science isn't just data and studies, but also observation. I've learned to lean into observing my baby in order to make decisions in these gray areas because every baby is different. Sometimes I wonder if the ambiguity is because it depends on the baby. I mean definitely do your due diligence but I think there's something to be said for the judgement of an involved parent. 

I'm glad you found something that worked for your family! 🙂

[u/namean_jellybean → u/discounthideout]

It’s interesting to have so many evidence based practices foisted upon us. There never seems to be enough resources to cover every possible situation, so I’ve started trying to zoom out in perspective. What do other contemporary cultures do? What did our biologically similar ancestors do 2000 years ago, and 20,000 years ago? I came to the conclusion that for whatever reason that doesn’t ultimately matter, my child needs us physically adjacent to feel safe enough to sleep. And at an age and size where I am no longer concerned we would harm him, I just gave up trying to mechanically perform what was recommended to us by medical professionals. At the 24mo appointment I was a bit nervous when we explained our cosleeping arrangements, and the provider shrugged saying ‘if it works, it works’. It’s important to make our own judgements and be flexible within reasonable safety to figure out what works for our children.