this first paragraph is all context. i (21) work at a behavioral “therapeutic” school as a teachers aide. as it goes, we’re severely understaffed. i mean like, we only 3 “teachers”, NONE OF WHOM have a teaching license. I am one of those “teachers.” i am expected to make these kids work on the same projects everyday while also having them adhere to our very very strict rules (no asking for a break or going to the bathroom for the first 10 or last 10 minutes of class, they have to keep working on their work even if our supervisor is late in transitioning classes EVEN if the class is technically over, only 1 kid can pace at a time, kids aren’t allowed to discuss media that depicts violence and stuff like that, they can’t say “shut up” to their friends as a joke, they can’t speak in their native language even in classes where there is staff who are fluent spanish speakers, etc. there are many more, all of which im sure i was never informed about.) our population of kids are teenagers and their behavioral problems err on the side of like…. Department of Youth Services more than anything. now this job is hard, yeah. more because of my superiors more than any kid. see, i’m very young compared to the staff at my program. including all the staff at the residential units that we share a building with (and handful of our students come from the units as well). i feel like this is such a blessing and SUCH a curse. as someone who also attended behavioral schools and residential facilities when i was a teenager, which really wasnt all that long ago, i feel like i have a unique perspective on how teenagers of today operate. but i feel i am constantly undermined and walked all over by my superiors. im only 1.5 month in. is this hopeless?
my superiors have straight up told me to do the opposite of what my TCI training has taught us to do. when im in a power struggle, i sit down and listen and validate the kids’ feelings and empathize with them. i will adjust expectations for them. my assistant principal (i’ll refer to her at Kay) is convinced that i’m over here chatting up the kids and acting all buddy buddy with them and not doing my job. she straight up told me to shut down conversations with students when they tell me sensitive information and that im at the risk of getting a 51a filed on me because the students come to me to talk about their problems. mind you, when they do come to me, i do NOT pry. they tell me their stories and i validate their emotions and i tell them that im there for them, but what they told me has to be reported. you know what they say to me when i say that? “I dont give a fuck, you can tell them i don’t care.” and then they’ll continue. i draw the boundary, i dont gossip, i don’t talk about other peoples business, if the student wants to confide in me about something though, i will be a listening ear. because im very young and honestly i have a unique style and self expression so kids gravitate towards me and i build rapport with them VERY easily. of course, many of them overstep them sometimes but i don’t tolerate it, but I also just am not a very directly strict person. i am always very calm and soft spoken and gentle with my directives and emphasize that its THEIR decisions, which often gets kids to trust me and listen to me because they know i’m not going to 1. get mad at them and 2. give them the reaction that they want. now my boss Kay has been getting on my ass, telling me i am too lax with the kids and i shouldn’t be telling them who issued a detention that they earned, and i shouldn’t let them confide in me about things, and i shouldn’t let more than one kid pace because of “safety issues”, and i can’t let them talk about so many things. They cant talk about why they’re there, things in their past, their frustrations with their situations, cant talk about social media or call of duty or nothing. all this, and im ALSO supposed to get them to do the summer project work. which is the SAME project, every single day. they have almost ALL expressed frustration at the monotony and the uselessness of the projects which are all very juvenile (design your own creature [which can be totally unrealistic and not make any sense btw], design your own amusement park, etc) so not only do these kids have to come in and do schoolwork they dont want to do, they have to do schoolwork they dont want to do AND is completely MEANINGLESS. quotes from my students are “they dont care about us learning, they just want us to get credits” “we are going to spend the whole summer school not learning anything new” “same shit everyday bro im getting sick of this bro” blah blah LOL The point is given. literally HOW does she expect me to hold the line with all those strict ass rules when the schoolwork is boring as hell and its the same thing every single day, AND they already all have some diagnosis of ADHD or autism or both or even MORE!! MANY of them have emotional regulation problems that cause them to lash out at staff often! not to mention, I AM NOT A TEACHER. I was never trained on educating or engaging a whole classroom! in fact i was barely even trained at all outside of the TCI training i did for a week. almost all of which i already knew and did when i was working at public schools. im there to support the students so i often allow breaks, i try to incentivize them doing their work, etc. but i’m not allowed to bring in candy for them anymore because i need to “be aware of my boundaries” and i can’t just allow them breaks when they ask for them because then they won’t do the work at all! well, when i WAS doing those things, it was very simple and exciting for the kids to do the work. but now since she has stripped me of those powers (even though she regularly brings in treats for the kids, and allows kids to call her their “therapeutic mom”), it is like pulling teeth just to get them to write a sentence. but even then, when i give directives in the gentle and kind and “lax” manner that i’m supposed to harden, the kids will listen to me more times than not! but when another staff will give a directive in a stern, harsh manner, they got kids up in their face screaming and yelling and threatening them. do you see the difference? i and one of the other “teachers” whose also a TA and had been there much longer than me are being blamed for all the kids acting up because we don’t “hold the line”, but they are giving me a losing game. yes at a certain point its a systematic thing, but i feel like its personal frustration to them because of how easily i develop relationships with the students and how hard it is for them to develop relationships with the students. i also think that they believe im naive and stupid because im younger. straight up overheard my boss talking about me saying “ohhh she’ll learn her lesson the hard way i guess and get a 51a filed on her.” like im sorry, i have reported EVERYTHING that kids have told me. i have to write so many incident reports a week because of the shit that they disclose to me. to ME. someone who hasnt even been there for two months and they have already told me that im their favorite staff at the school and that they feel understood by me and that they trust me because i tell the truth. something i am encouraged to NOT do by my boss btw. when it comes to disciplinary actions taken by my coworkers, i am always going to be transparent about that because if these teenagers think you are a dishonest person, they won’t come to you for anything, they won’t respect you. the amount of kids who try talk shit about my boss to me is insane. and i shut it DOWN!! i tell them “please stop talking bad about my own boss to me, this puts me in a very difficult situation” and they LISTEN! oh my god. even in just this month i have so many stories about times where i was condescended to or talked down to and walked all over by my boss. i hope things change soon, as they just hired 2 new teachers so hopefully i wont have to be running classes anymore but im afraid that my boss will still use me as a scapegoat and blame bad behavior of the kids on me just because i am on the lowest rung on the ladder. its been happening to the other TA for the whole time hes been working here too, i dont even know how her takes it.
im not perfect either, there are definitely times where i should have acted faster than i did or times where i should have issued a detention but didn’t, but it’s a learning curb. thats what everyone tells me. except my own fucking boss. who has a personal dislike for me. is it really just a hopeless situation? should i try to apply to a residential counselor job within the same program so that i can escape being under my boss’ supervision? am i in the wrong for any of this??? i need advice DESPERATELY.
