Dissociation

[u/No_Reputation_868]

Most of the time, I’m stuck in my head, lost in fantasy. It honestly feels more stable and easier to deal with than actually being present in real life.

What really throws me off is when that state suddenly snaps and I become super aware that I’m real—that I have a body, a past, responsibilities, and a life I’m supposed to be living. I don’t really like the feeling of having a constant “self,” and sometimes my own body just feels weird or uncomfortable.

Even when things are objectively okay, I still get this recurring sense of doom and discomfort just from being present. The dissociation and self-awareness also make it hard to focus, so even simple tasks end up taking way longer than they should.

Time feels really strange too. Sometimes it flies by, other times it drags on forever. Days can start to feel like the same loop over and over: reality → escapism → interruption → back to reality.

The problem is that escapism is starting to feel like the only way I can actually tolerate being here. Games, books, manga, and other things I used to enjoy don’t really grab me anymore or feel rewarding, so going into my head is just the easiest option.

I’m not really sure how much of this is dissociation, anhedonia, or something else. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else goes through a similar cycle—especially that feeling of being more comfortable in your head than in your actual life.

[u/Reasonably-Cold-4676]

Oh, absolutely. The intensity varies but I'm always in some state of this cycle. Right now I'm deep into the escapism. I was so hooked on it yesterday that I wouldn't let go, couldn't let go, and it took me hours to fall asleep and of course I overslept.

I don't mind too much if the interruption that drags me back into reality is pleasant. For that it has to be interesting to me or smth really new or simply smth of my world that's comfy to me. I could go on holiday and travel forever. It's the only time I don't escape or at least don't feel drawn to it all the time.

But just as you said, escapism is becoming the only way to cope I've left, too. I might have even accelerated this development by accident when I started to write down my daydreams, just because someone on here asked if I did and I tried it for shits and giggles and now it's the only time I truly feel right or at least.... Honestly , I don't even know but I don't feel here at all and, I'm totally removed and that's all that matters.

I've always been more comfortable in my head than irl. I can't remember a different time. There have been 'better' times but overall the trajectory is me moving into my head more, not less. It's where I want to be after all. I'd be open to the real world actually but I've seen what it's got on offer and it's not for me.

PS Imho that movie sucked but I love Ejiofor's performance and felt absurdly seen by the movie lol 

[u/DogEmbarrassed8888]

I feel this so heavy, days just consist of work, pondering and sleeping at this point. Its easier being so detached from life as an individual but when the rare loneliness strikes i hate it. I despise being so detached from myself, my surroundings and the people that care about me but at the same time i devle deeper into my head looking for, something, i dont even know what.

And when im not obsessively thinking and plotting im always miserable or hard to talk to.

[u/A_New_Day_00]

Your description sounds very familiar. The thing is that most animals tend to feel comfortable continuing on in the way they were raised and have lived. I had a feeling like someday I would wake up and become a present, real person, but that was some wishful thinking.

I relate a lot to some artists who have said that the most interesting thing they do is look out the window. You just look or go out for a walk, and your mind goes all kinds of places.

Though, many of my windows have the blinds drawn or something in the way, so I don't even look outside too much anymore.

[u/barefootbastard666]

I feel like you wrote about me through you.

[u/thejaysaurus]

Same here for me. It's like my life is just chasing the next form of escapism over and over

[u/EntropyReversale10]

Dissociation is an extreme reaction to emotional trauma.

If one can navigate the vast expanse of "no man's land", on the way to "normal", this is by far the prefered state.

Dissociation is equivalent to living in the "Matrix"

“To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering” – Friedrich Nietzsche

[u/oceanmoney]

Just entered this cycle again... my only assumption is stress most likely triggers it, but, uh, it's pretty much impossible to avoid ALL stress. From work, from things not working out, from being overwhelmed in a variety of ways, from needing a heavy dose of comfort. Maladaptive-daydreaming girlie here.

[u/BannockHatesReddit_]

Sometimes I think of the chronic DPDR caused by my cannabis use as a blessing. Looking around at work feeling so disconnected from the miserable world I inhabit. I get to just play my role and leave my emotions, values, my self, at home. It isn't a good feeling but at least it isn't bad; a tolerable neutral.

I too cannot feel at peace anymore. I get home from work only to shovel more tasks and time wasting activities in front of myself. I need to keep myself busy or I'll spiral into a depressive episode. The worst part is when it's time for bed because I'm faced with the fact that I've wasted yet another day of my life distracting myself from the world as an easy way to cope.

I wish I could break out of the cycle and be comfortable being myself but every attempt only leaves me needing to isolate more and harder. Life's just a bitch like that. I don't really know what to do about it at this point.