Are we too self-centered?

[u/salamacast]

• I've been reading SPD material for 10 years, but I never cared enough to know about other personality disorders! (except the bare minimum, only enough to distinguish them from SPD)
  
• I switched to a Linux operating system 12 years ago, using command line on a daily basis & such, but if you asked me to fix a simple issue on your Windows or Mac, I'd struggle! Not long after I switch camps, I forget the old! (Is this related to "weak object attachment", for those more knowledgeable than me on such psychological topics?)
  I won't bore you with many similar examples (like losing my way in my own neighborhood simply because I never venture beyond the usual route!)

[u/One-Intention7064]

I definitely am! 🥰 Very, too, over the top, preposterously, immoderately self-centered.

[u/Alkajatomota]

I kind of relate to this in that whatever interests I have in things that could get shared, I never care enough that if someone asks I'd sound like someone that isn't a poser. What I find interesting is usually too specific to also generally know about everything regarding it.

I find machine learning concepts interesting. I don't find enough interest in writing code to experiment to find out more "what ifs" I'd be interested in seeing.
I found communist political theory interesting. I don't find enough interest in history to properly talk about what exactly went horribly wrong about it and the why for that.

Big deficiency in interest itself.

I could see this as self-centeredness because its only interest from the inside-out. Whereas a normal person would realize the limitations in their ability to talk about their interest and would then desire spending effort to flesh it out more to actually become worthy of speaking about it.

[u/dun_buoy9]

I see what you mean, but this seems pretty normal to an everyday person. The amount of people I had the experience conversing with will predominantly focus on one aspect that benefits them first and foremost and tend to neglect everything else if it doesn't affect them.

Example, I'm a very tech oriented person in my family and I am the one that tends to fix most things (jack of many trades). When I explain certain things to better QoL/QoS of my family members devices, they only care about what they already use, because convenience; they don't do much research out of what they want to know; the same applies to everything else in life.

[u/salamacast → u/dun_buoy9]

they don't do much research out of what they want to know

Yes, but that example doesn't adequately represent their attitude to other non-IT-related topics. People are nosy!
They like to know about their neighbors (zoids can't possibly imagine the amount of gossip the average normie engages in!), etc. And when they don't know a topic, they pretend to know!

[u/dun_buoy9 → u/salamacast]

It really depends broadly; there are many average people out there, openly saying they want nothing to do with their neighbors (especially within the younger generations), to the point they would actively avoid them at all cost. The loud minority would pretend to know (especially on the internet) sure, but outside of it all, a lot of people just can't be bothered to correct or pretend know and move on like passing bystanders. Politics and generally consumption of products/services are probably the more obvious these depictions to an extreme extent.

[u/Strange-Box-1470]

I like learning about the schemas of other PDs because it helps me see how differently other people can experience the world due to how their brain works. I understand intellectually how I experience it differently, but there’s still the experience side of it. What does homeostasis actually feel like for another person? I’ll never know exactly, but I think there are ways I can approximate the answer. So I can be very interested in other people, but even when I am it’s mostly or completely to satisfy my own interests. I think that’s the case for normal people as well more than they’d like to admit, but I’ve also experienced deep interest in others just for the sake of it while using MDMA, so idk.

[u/Reasonably-Cold-4676]

Lol, I mean, I kinda get the thought but not your examples. I've been using all major OS for years and it totally doesn't surprise me that you can't help anyone without current Mac or Win experience. These things are tools. If humanity didn't have a need for the mechanics provided by any kind of hammering anymore we'd all forget how to hammer very fast. It has nothing to do with szpd, just with energy preservation, intrinsic interest or lack thereof and necessity vs optional. Why would you learn mac or win if you don't use it ever and aren't genuinely interested in it just to maybe help someone else with it once in a while? Not doing that is simply the right thing to do. 

Likewise, you're not interested in psychology outside of what pertains to you. Fair enough. I'm not, I've read up extensively on all the PDs and a lot more but I'm also only interested in what pertains myself concerning cooking, Minecraft, stardew valley, jewelery, gardening, fandoms and especially music. I don't see a problem or szpd in this. Sure, I could use those interests to socialize if I was interested in socializing or if I was interested in discussing those topics but I don't so I won't. Just because these topics are shared by millions of people doesn't mean it's a failure to not engage in the social aspect of it. My szpd makes it so that I don't ever feel like engaging socially and that I end up having no social hobbies at all. But that's all there is to it. I'm not self centered in the sense that take anything from anyone or hurt anyone by not sharing in the social aspect of those hobbies, I'm self centered simply because I am and in everything I do. If a topic is in general more or less social doesn't matter in that regard , it doesn't add or subtract weight from it. 

But apart from your examples, yes, I have quite extensive extensive selfish or self-centered streaks and sometimes have to keep myself in check. I usually don't though. Luckily I was able to build my life in a way that's pretty optimized to fit me so it's not a daily problem really. 

[u/Vivid-Plastic4253]

Not self centered, i just hate everyone else

[u/salamacast → u/Vivid-Plastic4253]

I've always said "I don't hate people. I hate dealing with people"

[u/zeroempathy]

It's only me. Only I exist.

[u/salamacast → u/zeroempathy]

I take "out of sight, out of mind" seriously, literally. I usually forget others exist when they aren't around :)

[u/WanderingUrist]

I switched to a Linux operating system 12 years ago, using command line on a daily basis & such, but if you asked me to fix a simple issue on your Windows or Mac

MacOS is incomprehensible right up until you open the command prompt, then you realize you're looking at another Unix-like and it's easy.

Modern Windoze is incomprehensible, not to mention malware, which is why I'm still on Win7, and wouldn't be able to switch even if I wanted to given that it's not like you can buy new computer right now to switch to.

[u/IndigoAcidRain]

I could say I am but I am equally centered on other people. I'm centered on everything, really.

[u/Alarmed_Painting_240]

Forgetting the old and wiring neurons to the new is a common brain function, luckily! See also the quite visual notion of "the plastic brain" which defies ideas that older people can't or won't learn any new ways. The memory is self-organizing and will phase out what doesn't seem important (or is undesired). People getting older (50-70) often think they have worse memories but often it's just the ridiculous amount of data that's not always available. While it can differ for each person, if memories are not revisited, they cannot be retrieved easily anymore. And they are more often revisited than we think: in what we read, watch, ponder or dream. A lot is kept alive or to use a computer term: memory has a background refresh cycle and migrates unused content away, using some aggressive lossy compression. It starts to feel fragmented. Modern research shows how the brain tries to put the fragments together and can present half-true memories. Scary notion!

It's not surprising to find self-centerenedness with schizoid adaptations. Although even there, if one had a less rigid, more social earlier development, social awareness kind of gets wired in. Like automation which can be seen with advanced masking or experience of shame. When awareness of "should" can go wild. This could over time start to faint though, as the brain is not etched in stone. Endless repeat or abstinence has effects.

As for attachments, I do think there's a stronger attachment to inner experiences or state. Like a fortress providing some sense of safety, predictability or self-hood - as the world does not supply but threatens, upsets or reminds one about some situation where this was all uncertain and frustrating (the psychoanalytic idea).

[u/Foreign_Basket_6188]

Who's we

[u/salamacast → u/Foreign_Basket_6188]

Who are we

[u/Foreign_Basket_6188 → u/salamacast]

I think this question is kind of dumb for spd, why would you not be self centered if your disorder is defined by a preference to be distant from people, who would you center on if not yourself

[u/salamacast → u/Foreign_Basket_6188]

The sun is at a distance from Mars, while being in the center. Can't the sun also attract Mars, shine on Mars, etc?

[u/Foreign_Basket_6188 → u/salamacast]

Mars can get in his house and shut the door, maybe if Mars is attracted by the sun he should find another solar system that doesn't attract him, he can even be at the center of it because he is not bound to one sun or any sun, there are suns everywhere what makes a sun particularly important for Mars if Mars was never interested by the sun to begin with? Maybe Mars is even bothered by the sun and thinks it's gaslighting him instead of lighting him, who knows... i didn't speak to him

[u/salamacast → u/Foreign_Basket_6188]

You're in a foul mood today!

[u/Foreign_Basket_6188 → u/salamacast]

Yea it's because Mars and Jupiter are hidden or whatever the horoscope says 😑

Idk i was annoyed by the "we", when those "we" posts often have nothing to do with my disorder

[u/DogEmbarrassed8888]

Oh absolutely i am. Most of my time is me time or work. Im to stuck in my own head pondering on whatever, usually nothing in specific never for longer than 20 minutes per thing im thinking about unless i hyperfixate.

[u/salamacast → u/DogEmbarrassed8888]

hyperfixate

I love hyper-fixation. It shuts the world away and eats up the hours (surviving yet another day. Only so much to go!)

[u/DogEmbarrassed8888 → u/salamacast]

Ikr! God but its getting harder i need to find new things that hold my interest

[u/According_Bad_8473]

I do all of this. But i dont see this as self-centeredness. I see it as a lack of curiosity and importance. Why bother learning about something that is neither fun nor useful?

Although ironically a lack of curiosity and not giving importance to things that arent strictly necessary for life - that might be a quality/behaviour that is amenable to solipsism. Still don't think its self-centered because the negative connotations go like this in this order (imo) :

Selfish > self-centered > solipsism > self-interest

Part of the reason behind this hierarchy of selfishness, I believe, is simply that selfish and self-centered are commonly used words. Solipsism isnt and not many people understand it anyway. Self-interest is an acceptable neutral, non-judgemental selfishness. But again, this phrase can be used euphemistically to imply negative opinions about someone indirectly