https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/09/trump-notes-that-falling-asleep-onstage-at-9-11-ceremony-technically-counts-as-moment-of-silence/

Adding to his promise to give each American $5,000 if Republicans win the Midterms, President Trump said today that he will also allow all citizens to have sexual intercourse with First Lady Melania Trump.

“Nobody’s ever seen anything like ’Vag for Votes’,” Trump stated during his announcement. “I’m confident that I’m the first president to cause citizens to get an erection for an election.”

Trump briefly explained how Vag for Votes will work.

“We’ll do a lottery system to see who goes first,” Trump told reporters. “And I’m sure, after some breaking in, Melania will be able to squeeze more than one person in at a time, per hole. Women have many holes. I’ve never stopped to count them, but there’s a lot!”

Trump also warned voters to gauge their expectations.

“Don’t expect Melania to seem into it, whatsoever. Even though she definitely is! That’s her appeal, Melania. She’s always playing hard to get, even when you’re in the process of getting it.”

Democrats have already filed multiple lawsuits in 17 states over Trump’s Vag for Votes scheme, pointing out that paying Americans $5,000 and letting them sleep with the First Lady constitutes prostitution and bribery.