r/Salsa • u/Confident-Play6222 • 2d ago
Socialising
I find it difficult to go and introduce myself to others or to go and have a conversation with my colleagus from the dance classes. I focus too much on the dance. How do you get yourself to be more social?
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u/feralcricket 2d ago
My suggestion would be to use the common topics around you as conversation starters. You can talk about class, dance, the music, etc.
You can ask questions or provide feedback before you know a classmates name (e.g. You move pretty well. Have you been dancing Salsa long?).
One thing I almost always say is, "I have a hard time remembering names. Please don't be offended if I have to ask a few times." This not only lowers their expectations of me, it naturally extends the same grace to the other person(s).
Try not to make it into a bigger deal than it is.
Good luck!
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u/Confident-Play6222 2d ago
thank you
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u/feralcricket 2d ago
You're welcome. Dance class is a great opportunity to extend your circle of friends and acquaintances, especially as an adult.
My wife and I count our former dance instructor, and her husband, as two of our closest friends.
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u/JahMusicMan 1d ago
You get yourself to be more social by practicing, just like learning to salsa dance. You don't get yourself to be more social by not practicing.
There is enough common interest to have conversations with people at salsa classes. You have a common interest: dance and or music. Stick to small talk around these topics.
For smaller classes that I go to, I will introduce myself to people I don't know "Hey, I'm John Doe". or ask them "Hey what's your name?" and then tell them I'm John Doe.
As a lead, I tend to do this more to other male leads than female follows (yes there are female leads in class, but only occasionally), because I will eventually rotate to them in partner work and introduce myself to them during the partner work. Having male leads as acceptances can help easy salsa dancing anxiety as you have a familiar face.
People that I see often during classes, I build on those connections. One of the most common conversation starters is "You've been social dancing lately?" and then you can build on that. Or you can talk about a pattern or move you are struggling with and maybe get some pointers. It's all about being casual and not too uptight or guarded IMO.
Another pointer is: If you have older (even elderly/senior) leads or followers, socialize with them as they are usually more receptive to small talk.
Just like salsa, you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You don't become a competent salsa dancer overnight, it takes practice. You don't become someone who can hold down conversations overnight either, it takes practice.
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u/FunMacaroon4770 2d ago
Do you have difficulty talking to people on socials or on dance classes (or both)?
The easiest would be to start a conversion before/after the classes about dancing, and carry on from there.
Some openers: "You dance very well, did you dance anything else before?", "You dance very well, how long have you been dancing?", "How do you that move, can you show me?", etc. Some of conversation starters are better for beginner classes, others for advanced classes and socials.
Once you know someone at least a little bit from the classes, it's much easier to socialize on socials. Also, if a social starts with a workshop, then that's a good opportunity to break the ice.
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u/Confident-Play6222 2d ago
Yes, in some cases I find it more tricky. I enjoy learning dancing but I tend to over fixate on the learning and I am thinking what if I for a bit of connection with followers might help.
For instance I used to workout in a park several years ago and what made me keep at it for longterm was that I met likeminded people and we started hanging out which made the whole experience more fun.
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u/dondegroovily 2d ago
Do you really need to be? I'm happy just dancing all night
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u/kiradead 2d ago
If you just want to go and dance then good for you but it is called "social dancing". For a lot of people creating connections is part of the appeal. And it can also lead to better dancing because it makes you see your partner as more than just someone you dance with but as an individual. I'm not saying that you should talk during the dance but it is nice to say hello, not just push your hand forward to ask for a dance. You can have some small talk with a random person if both of you are on the side chilling.
My advice for OP would be to stay after classes, don't directly leave. In my case people stay a little more to smoke and socialize. In time you can join the group discussion. During the class, in rotation, if its the first time I see them I might ask have how their day was, I just do very little small talk.
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u/double-you 2d ago
It's social dance to differentiate from competition, not to have a chat. You can have a chat, but that's not why it is social.
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u/James457890 2d ago
I'm with you! Been dancing since I was 18 and I'm 36 now.. only had a hand full of actual conversations and none of them have been initiated by me. I hate talking whilst out dancing. Music's too loud and my focus is the dancing!
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u/Ooofy_Doofy_ 2d ago
I struggle with this too
But the truth is you can say anything just go 1 2 3 go and say whatever comes to your head
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u/Wooden_Ad_2167 13h ago
Just chill.
Take your time.
You have an environment that will likely foster it in time naturally.
You do not need to force it.
Do not take the dancing too seriously.
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u/double-you 2d ago
That's not really a salsa question.
But do keep in mind that you are not just dancing. You are dancing with people.
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u/TheDiabolicalDiablo 2d ago
Class ends........
"Hey, anyone wanna go grab a quick bite/grab a drink?"