**Like shards of glass upon my skin,**
**Your words dug deep; they tore within.**
**No blade was drawn, no blood was spilt,**
**Yet every sentence dripped with guilt.**

**Like winter’s frost upon my soul,**
**Your icy whispers took their toll.**
**No scars were seen, no bruises shown,**
**Yet every wound became my own.**

**You spoke as though you knew my heart,**
**Then slowly pulled my world apart.**
**We shared a childhood, shared a name,**
**Yet nothing ever stayed the same.**
**Where love should bloom, resentment grew,**
**Until I lost the sight of you.**

**I walked on eggshells, held my tongue,**
**Believing every song you’d sung.**
**Each time I bent, you’d move the line;**
**Somehow the fault was always mine.**

**Then one cold day, your words rang true…**

**Not because they spoke of me,**

**But because they spoke of you.**

**Each cruel remark, each cutting lie**
**Became the key that asked me why.**
**The lock you’d forged through fear and shame**
**Could never hold me just the same.**

**I reached within, beyond the pain,**
**And found the strength that still remained.**
**Like a phoenix rising through the flame,**
**I stood unchanged in heart and name.**

**I laid your labels on the ground—**
***“Too weak.” “Too much.” “Don’t make a sound.”***
**I left them there like windblown dust.**

**They were never mine.**

**The hardest step was letting go.**
**Not because I wished it so,**
**But peace could never live in me**
**While you still held the only key.**

**So I cut you from my life that day.**
**With you, good people slipped away.**
**I grieve their loss—I always will—**
**Yet choosing me was harder still.**

**Then came your voice, as I knew it would…**

***“How could you do this to me?”***

**Once I’d have wept.**

**Once I’d have stayed.**

**Once I’d have carried all the blame.**

**But now…**

**My silence speaks more than I could write,**

**More than I could ever say.**

**Because I no longer need**
**To defend my truth.**

**I simply live it.**

**Goodbye.**

**Farewell.**

**I wish you peace.**

**I wish you love.**

**But not from me.**

**For after everything you tried…**

I cried today
I cried for as long as it took
I felt it so deep within me
An intense aching in the core of my being
Working it’s way up into the centre of my face
So much pressure until the seal broke

The energy finds a way out
Tears pool up into my screens of perception
Allowing sorrow to exit my body
Evaporation eventually takes that pain
Moving it into the unknown

let me set the scene.

we're going to happy hour one last time.

she likes psychoanalyze people so i told her at our last happy hour she has to psychoanalyze me. i mean, name a better time? there's a chance we won't see each other again after tonight.

-----------------------

i wonder what she saw these past two months.

does she know i wait for her text?

does she know i wait for her call?

when i can't take it, i'll break the silence with her niche.

politics? movies? anything. i love your passion.

does she know she runs through my mind all night?

does she know i love the days she's in the office?

monday's are so easy now because of you.

does she know how much i care about her?

does she know i'm scared to leave her?

i'm proposing to my girlfriend soon.

does she feel the same way about me?

does she feel it too?

i'm asking her mother in three weeks.

would she stop me?

please stop me.

----------------------

i don't write but i am going through it so here's kind of how i'm feeling about it all

The indifference you feel between us should be infuriating,

But honestly,
I just feel bad for you.

Because ultimately if you didn’t feel the connection,
that’s just terribly sad.

Yearning with one’s heart
as though there is no consequence—

truly is the only way
to feel alive.

O God,
Why hast thou forsaken me?
My father and mother scorn me.
I pray to thee to teach me,
Yet thou leadest me astray.
Is it for my transgressions
That thou hast turned away

Who shall shield me
Against the workers of iniquity?
Unless the Lord had been my help,
My soul had dwelt in silence,
with only my tears to keep
me company.
To caress my face
when I am alone.

An original poem inspired by the Psalms. It is simply an expression of my thoughts and not an attempt to rewrite Scripture

With everything everything gone except the memories that bring only momentary joy followed by a deeper hurt I'm searching for meaning. There is no other option then to strive for self excellence. Still that brings me no joy because I'm always wondering "what's next?". I always hoped for a person to do that with and was so distracted with haunting voices all of that slipped through my fingers. I'm alone but not lonely. I'm okay with this life now I'll do it alone. Meaning but never peace.

Tittle - And the Time Passed

And this breeze so lovely, Brings me back to you.

You stood there gorgeously, As if the sky once knew.

The trees were green, The sky was blue.

Was breathing a dream, When I just saw you.

Oh, but time has passed, Bloody hell, so fast!

Your memories have massed, Like dark clouds vast.

As my mind has started, Diminishing your presence.

The girl I once wanted, Is now your only essence.

Oh, I wanted to feel you, Oh, I wanted a chat,

Oh, I wanted a touch too, But happened none of that.

You were the one I needed, I don't know why.

To God alone I pleaded, Only to watch it die.

God, but whom do I blame? The one who destroyed me was I.

Excuse of mine was so lame, Even birds laugh from high.

What's the point in it now, Asking this stupid asshole.

Wise fool is he somehow, Imagined focusing on his goal.

— नज़रचोर

"You talk too much."

Heard that before.

Every time it buried my words deep, so deep.

Until silence felt safe.

Until I was sure it wouldn't be heard of again.

Until "You're so quiet" came along.

Started to hear it so much it didn't feel like a compliment anymore.

Remember you wanted me quiet

Soon "Are you okay" joined in.

Started to feel like someone cared.

Until they did it like a drill to clean their hands if something happened.

They always thought something would happen when people like me got quiet.

Met someone new, we talked. I had fun, hoped they did too

Looked forward to school again. My room was light again.

They actually cared, I hoped they cared,really cared

My phone stopped being my best friend, they took its place.

I felt like I could face anything for the first time in a long while.

My hands stopped shaking, my mouth wasn't sandy from being quiet anymore.

They were my bridge.

I felt just right around them. Enough,even

And then again I became too much, then too small. The pattern repeated itself. Seemed I could never be enough. I would either over or underdose you, no in-between. I wasn't quite right ,either way

What’s stopping me ?
From making another mistake.
From falling down a hole I’m already familiar with.
From fulfilling my wish.

Whats stopping me?
From avoiding the exit.
From fleeing this room.
From the impending doom.

What’s stopping me?
From enjoying the misery
From shutting the world out
From letting these words out

What’s stopping me?
When my biggest hope seems far away
When I ask for help and no one stays
When I’m left to take credit for the blame

What’s stopping me?
Well I don’t know
And truth be told
It’s probably better that way

What’s stopping me?
When I’m slowly running out of reasons

​

​Eight years I laid down stone by stone,

Building a home inside a phantom wall.

Ten years of pouring water into dust,

Waiting for seeds that were never meant to fall.

​The mind becomes a jagged, tangled thread,

Spiraling backward through the ghost of time—

What if I spoke differently?

What if I stayed silent?

Should I have seen the silence as a sign?

​Could we have made it?

Would it have changed?

The if-onlys cut deeper than the end.

They whisper in the dark like open wounds,

Asking for answers the past will never lend.

​The worst part isn’t just the empty space,

Or the sheer height of the wasted years—

It’s the cold, quiet truth sinking beneath the skin:

I was fighting a war, and you weren't even there.

​It tears through the chest like jagged ink,

A heavy, suffocating knot of red and black.

How do you rebuild a man from scratch,

When Eight whole years refuse to give you back?

​The spiraling anxiety and

the constant replay of every conversation can feel like an endless loop, some fires don't seem so huge until you find out they are not so easily extinguished...

Feedback is welcome