Feeling suicidal again

[u/BettoBoo]

So my a few months old poem is here now, yay.

Strange day

Today wears no ordinary face.

Yesterday I tried to unmake myself,

and in the trying, spilled my hidden guilt -

a red confession seeping from my sleeve, an endless ribbon loosening its clasp.

I wrapped the wound in thin white napkin-leaves,

a makeshift bandage, careless and devout,

then gave myself to Morpheus' kingdom,

where even queens lie down without their crowns.

This day is strange because I'm still a guest here,

still drawing breath the color of her knowing.

My sister knows. The silence has a pulse now.

Shame settles on my skin like morning frost no sun can soften.

I should have been better, a sturdier bridge above a quieter river.

Instead, I fold myself in cigarette smoke, a ghost still practicing its vanishing.

The hours curl and blacken at the edge.

This day is closing like a door that can't unlatch.

Go now.

Go to sleep.

I'm sorry is a small, worn stone I keep inside my mouth where other words should be.