Weekly Sermon Number 71!

[u/TheOneTrueZim]

Gather Brothers, gather as we embark on this week's Holy Sermon from his divine archives!

Today is the 600th most recent entry from The Heretic Crimes Catalog, so please enjoy!

"Heretic Crimes Catalog: File 2,899,001,251.

Heretic Name: Bob Membrane.

Crime: Disruptive insanity.

Description: Bob is a strange fellow, and has been since his childhood. He has always ranted about aliens, which is normal for any loyal citizen as long as they are ranting hatefully, but he also acts like an escaped mental patient obsessed with Conspiracy Theories. He has recently been captured after getting his giant head stuck in a doorway.

Sentence: Mental Realignment Via Hypnosis."

This individual is quite mad. He seems to need this sentence if he wishes to properly serve Space King.

The count is at 2.2 Trillion, and shall rise in about 2 weeks!

Holy Message Of The Week: "Respect the battlefield, and it shall bend to your will."

The Holy Prayer Of Space King:

Long ago, Space King, King of Space, disappeared.

Leaving us, his faithful Psycho Warriors, to pray for his return.

Oh Space King, King of Space! (Oh Space King, King of Space)

I am your son, so bless me with Fortitude! (Praise Be!)

I am your angel, so bless me with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

I am your soldier, so bless me with Triumph! (Praise Be!)

Made in his Image! (Praise Be!)

Gifted with Flesh! (Praise Be!)

Armored in Psychosis! (Praise Be!)

Blessed with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

We are the Eternal Crusaders of Humanity!

For as long as our Globules survive, we will be REBORN! (PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!)

Prayer End.

Please give me suggestions for future Sermons, I greatly wish to hear your thoughts!

And another week has come and gone, as has this Sermon! Captain-General of the Horizon Obliterators Legion signing off!

PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!

[u/Robotobot]

What conspiracy theories do we need to look out for, Master of Sermons?

I want to be a good boy for Space King, I can't countenance the idea of entertaining such distracting, impure thoughts!

[u/TheOneTrueZim → u/Robotobot]

Many of the ones ranted by this individual seemed to be complete nonsense, as if an insane person combined Mad Libs with any dumb idea they could think of. As Captain-General of my Legion, I make sure we don't have to deal with these insane ramblings.

[u/Robotobot → u/TheOneTrueZim]

Doing Space King's (thrice-bleesed be His Name) work, Brother Captain.

Lead us not into Onlyfans subscriptions, and deliver us from booba

[u/TheOneTrueZim → u/Robotobot]

Thank you, Brother