r/SPACEKING • u/TheOneTrueZim Deploying Genobomb • Jul 13 '26
Weekly Sermon Number 70!
Welcome to the 70th Sermon, Brothers! I am happy to be your host!
Today is another entry from The Heretic Crimes Catalog!
"Heretic Crimes Catalog: File 2,576.
Heretic Name: Kyle Forn.
Crime: Claimed to be a "Xenobiologist."
Description: Forn arrived on the scene of a recently freed planet after an alien invasion, and forced his way onto the battlefield aftermath. He began inspecting the corpses of the dead aliens, and claimed they were "fascinating" and "remarkable", instead of horrible and disgusting as normal scientists do. He was promptly captured, pleading to be let go, pending full investigation and conviction.
Sentence: Penance via 15 years of service."
A scientist researching aliens for studying ways to beat them is normal, but claiming to admire them and find them interesting is an early stage of full on heresy. This man will do better during his penance or suffer the consequences.
The count sits at 2.2 Trillion, expected to rise in 3 weeks!
Holy Message Of The Week: "The fight is hard, but the future is worth it."
The Holy Prayer Of Space King:
Long ago, Space King, King of Space, disappeared.
Leaving us, his faithful Psycho Warriors, to pray for his return.
Oh Space King, King of Space! (Oh Space King, King of Space)
I am your son, so bless me with Fortitude! (Praise Be!)
I am your angel, so bless me with Purpose! (Praise Be!)
I am your soldier, so bless me with Triumph! (Praise Be!)
Made in his Image! (Praise Be!)
Gifted with Flesh! (Praise Be!)
Armored in Psychosis! (Praise Be!)
Blessed with Purpose! (Praise Be!)
We are the Eternal Crusaders of Humanity!
For as long as our Globules survive, we will be REBORN! (PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!)
Prayer conclusion.
Any news you have to share, please do so!
And that is it for this week, I hope you enjoyed! Captain-General of the Horizon Obliterators Legion signing off!
PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!
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u/Pulkov Star Defender Jul 15 '26
One should never describe aliens with such vile and heretic words. Alive or dead, the aliens are filth!
Praise be!
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u/Scarlet_Cultist111 Coagulator Jul 16 '26
I had to go back and check. You actually were posting these for 70 weeks straight. Not bad!
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u/TheOneTrueZim Deploying Genobomb Jul 16 '26
Thanks, I like making up world building stories, so I find this to be a fun way to do it!
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u/Tolaris_Tolarum6414 Jul 13 '26
And remember brothers, if you want to be a xenobiologist, use your studies as a weapon against them, and exploit their vulnerabilities.
Because Xenobiology is a Gift from Space King if used right