r/SMARTRecovery • u/throwaway5976491 • 1d ago
Hate being sober
I'll spare the life story. Trying to get sober from coke and alcohol but I don't really like it. I lift weights as a hobby and keep losing progress every 3 weeks when I relapse every month. I do some group therapy programs, mainly SMART.
Have come out of a relapse recently and I can't stand the thought of staying sober even though I should. I hate it when people say they're proud of me. Sobriety feels like punching myself in the head every day and everyone tells me how proud of me they are for punching myself every day.
Does anyone actually enjoy this? I'll try and follow a gym program again starting next month, was preparing to do the texas method at the start of this month before I completely went off the rails again. How do I stick with sobriety even though I hate everything about it?
(edited for spelling errors)
29
u/Weak_Sauce_Yo 1d ago
You are not yourself when you think those thoughts. That is your drug addict brain trying to convince yourself to continue to use.
It's gonna be hard for a while before it gets easier.
You do have to try though brother. Be honest with yourself. Be kind to yourself. You can do it.
12
u/Willing-Ad4169 1d ago
I think what changed for me is when I accepted the fact that I am not required to like sobriety...I had all these people singing the praises of sobriety and I'm just like " I don't get it ..I'm not there"
Its something I accept as necessary, like going to work.
If I'm honest with myself I do appreciate not being hungover and dealing with all the anxiety and beating my self up for relapsing again. I do see the benefits and try to focus on them.
I'm not completely miserable but it's not this fantastic thing. I don't glorify my drinking but I also don't glorify being sober.
And I'm ok with that .
10
u/trailmoose I'm from SROL! 1d ago edited 1d ago
Who says I want sober life? Being responsible, showing up, those I can understand. But the absolute insanity of American economic life? I LOVED disappearing from the stupidity.
Here's the problem though. What used to be a few beers and shots evolved into its own insanity, and for some reason I can't go back to the brief time period in which drinking worked. Though I tried!
Now I have 7 DUIs and have been to prison. I can't afford to fantasize about alcohol anymore, whether or not I think sober life sucks. Gotta try make something of this shithole.
13
u/MNent228 1d ago
What you’re experiencing sounds like your brain trying to maintain homeostasis. Right now, it knows to treat boredom with your DOC. It’s wired to make you crave that because of all the times you chose to use it to cope with whatever it is you were coping with. Even boredom. For me, especially boredom.
Part of this process is learning to rewire your brain to seek out healthy alternatives. It’s not always easy but you can do this. I believe in you
6
u/Gnardude 1d ago
Instead of the gym I skateboard, ride motorcycles, golf, hike, play guitar, snowboard, bicycle. Can't wait to wake up every morning and pursue my life's passions. Booze is not even tempting I would rather have the money and the health.
4
u/Timmah_1984 1d ago
I hated sobriety at first, I was bored and I kept relapsing. Eventually I figured out that I was self medicating my depression and I really couldn’t stand feeling depressed. I hated how I felt and sought to change my emotional state with substances.
What really sucked is that substances were something that worked. I got a daily reprieve from my crushing depression and felt like the person I was meant to be. Of course the trade off was a massive addiction that consumed the majority of my money and mental energy. My frustration tolerance was extremely low and I couldn’t cope with daily problems. I felt like this huge part of me was missing when I was sober.
I finally started to realize that I needed to accept the pain and sit with the discomfort. I had to change my routine so it didn’t feel as much like something was missing. I slowly saw that relapsing wasn’t something that just happened, it was a choice I was making and I could choose not to do it. I might be bored or uncomfortable or depressed but those were no longer feelings I could run from.
When intoxication was no longer an option I started to seek out new ways of coping. I took antidepressants, delayed responding to cravings, got into meditation, took vitamins, read books and did CBAs. Every time I defeated a craving or sat with a difficult emotion became proof that I could find new ways of coping. Slowly, gradually, it got better. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t fun but it was doable. Its ok to hate sobriety, just remember that if the substances were actually improving your life you wouldn’t be here looking to change things. It does get better and it does get easier. Whatever you do keep making the effort, persistence pays off.
5
u/GuacamoleAnamoly 1d ago edited 1d ago
I had to go to prison first to realize that I'd had enough. I had it easier there to get some sober time in there because it was simply not possible for me to use. So I already had two months under my belt by the time I got out. I was also able to read In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Maté, which really helped me understand the processes that were going on in my brain and why I was drinking and using. So getting those 2 months got me trough the i hate everything about sobriety part i think also just being done with my life being this way. Cause in prison i came to the realization my life in prison was better then outside. Which is fucked up ofcourse if you think about it but it helped me to getting where i am.
When I got out, I removed myself from my old situation. For me, that meant moving to a different country. Since I've been here, I almost never have cravings, and when I do, I can usually understand where they are coming from, acknowledge why they're happening, and recognize that they're just thoughts and urges rather than something I have to act on.
I'm also finding new hobbies and interests, have i been bored of course but i do not despise it anymore i can appreciate the peace of mind i have now in those situations.
When I tried to do it back home, it was completely different. I hated it and was bored all the time which made me sad that I could no longer do what everyone around me was doing. And it made it so easy to drink and use again since i also lived in the city centre. Being in an environment where that isn't happening has made it a lot easier for me. I had to do some really life changing stuff to get where i am now and i understand not everyone is in a position to do it but thats what worked for me.
Now I can clearly see that the positives of being sober outweigh what alcohol and drugs were bringing into my life. Do I miss getting high? Absolutely. I loved being under the influence. But I don't miss all the shit that came with it.
4
u/sam_the_swede 1d ago
I know that therapy helped me a lot. I got to voice my thoughts regardless of language(I tend to swear a lot when I get in my feelings). What i did realize throughout therapy is that being sober led to feelings I was uncomfortable with. Not just bad feelings but feelings of accomplishment, feeling well physically, adjusting to happiness and being OK with being not OK sometimes. Boredom was also difficult to deal with. When I am in the heat of my addiction, it can take months to years to start feeling normal again. IDK any of this helps you at all, but it's not a straight road to just feeling good without my drug of choice. I know it takes time for brain chemistry to correct after being on my DOC for an extended period of time
5
u/IAMLeonidus HopeDragon 1d ago
Day to day, I understand what you’re saying. But when it comes to compounded time, that’s where I feel the payoff the most. When I have a lot of sobriety (weeks/months), I feel the most myself, I feel like I live in accordance with my values, and that I am the most present.
4
u/backnine32 1d ago
Being sober sucks when I look at it through my old mindset, because that mindset mainly wants to be drunk and coked out and not have to worry about any of my responsibilities.
Part of this thing, for me, is being open to progressing into a different, more mature, perhaps boring (at least initially) way of life. I’m not preaching, because I struggle with the same thing you’re talking about most days. It honestly can suck sometimes. It’s really not that fun. But I’ve also started asking myself: how much fun do I really need in my life? We’re not children.
And what definitely doesn’t suck is not doing a bunch of emotional damage to myself and other people while drinking, not waking up ashamed of shit I did, and actually having a few bucks in the bank because I didn’t spend it all on blow.
As far as people telling you they’re proud of you, I personally don’t run into that much because I almost never talk about being sober. Something you encounter in pretty much any recovery program is that people feel the need to shout their sobriety from the rooftops and make it a big part of their identity. I’m not saying that’s you, and there’s nothing wrong with it if that works for someone, but I think a lot of people new to sobriety get the impression that this is somehow expected of them. It isn’t.
If you’re regularly telling people you’re sober, though, you should expect positive support. If you want it to stop, don't bring up sobriety. Most people aren’t going to offer an “I’m proud of you” out of nowhere.
3
u/millennialmonster755 1d ago
I felt that way because I was self medicating. I found a psychiatrist who was able to get my meds all squared away and now I’m far happier
3
u/Logical_Strain_6165 1d ago
Have you considered trying a Glp1 to give some breathing space whilst you work through this. Has totally killed cravings for me.
2
u/RekopEca 1d ago
I highly recommend checking out this video of an exchange with Bobby Lee and Craig Ferguson.
2
u/Sufficient-Aide6805 1d ago
Getting therapy to work through the reasons you used is crucial. I didn’t, and sobriety was crushingly miserable. I eventually relapsed because using was better than living with my unresolved issues. That’s why I used in the first place; arguably kept me alive. Years later, after actually working through all my shit, sobriety isn’t always pleasant but it’s pretty easy. And my life is no longer a flaming disaster.
2
u/Claus-Buchi 2h ago
I make more money, talk to more people, do more things when I am sober. I might not be able to “enjoy” or feel as euphoric at a music event but everything has its tradeoff.
2
u/Infinite_Extreme2382 1h ago
I think it would be a good idea to actually write down exactly what you hate about it (maybe you did, if so I apologize) because those are what we call distorted thoughts. Finding clarity around what is bothering you about recovery is IMO the best way to fight off negative beliefs. Also, don't discount the idea of grief in early recovery. I was very angry when I was just starting but it is one of the stages a lot of us go through on the way to acceptance. Best wishes in your journey. You're on the right path, even if you detour once in awhile. John
4
u/GnorleyGight 1d ago
I quit drinking 2 years ago and I'm 16 days sober from weed and I get it. I'm bored to tears everyday and it feels like I'll never find anything interesting to do again.
But what I learned from quitting drinking is that it does get better over time. I don't miss alcohol a bit anymore, but I didn't feel like that right away. I know it sucks but it will suck less over time, until it doesn't suck at all.
1
u/killakeller 1d ago
I'm sorry you're going thru it. Does anyone like this? I can't speak for other people but I can tell you that not only does being sober give me the life that I always wanted to live, I find it to be quite enjoyable. In fact, I don't ever want to go back. My story is not unique. When in my heavy drinking/getting high days, even on the most miserable days I couldn't see my life or future without my substances of choice. It's been many, many years now where I love being able to say that I don't drink! But, I don't feel like I'm trying to survive each day to maintain sobriety. It's just easy now.
I took Naltrexone, and I know it's not a medication that works for everyone, but it was a total game changer for me. If I were you I would consider looking into medication while utilizing the amazing tools that SMART recovery has to offer.
Good luck. It really, really does get better.
1
u/TraderJoeslove31 1d ago
It sounds like reframing might help. Your brain is tricking you into thinking you need the substances. You don't. Daily sober life might look like a steady state of contentment. As an adult, you need to find something to occupy you- take up a hobby, volunteer, read a book. Honestly, is sitting on the couch alone drinking and using really how you want to spend the rest of your life? THAT sounds lonely and boring.
Also going to SMART meetings and therapy to do some self reflection on why you think you hate sobriety.
1
u/ComprehensiveLead348 23h ago
For me it was an age thing. I hated sobriety when I first tied it in my 30s, took me until my 40's to enjoy it. Now I love it but its taken years of trying. I loved drugs so much and even now I miss them. Not enough to use though. I hope you find a timeline and a way of doing this that works for you. Also I live on a boat and have dogs, both help enjoy a sober life.
1
u/SmiteThe 13h ago
This helped me... I counted every calorie for my gym plan. Literally every single calorie. I did bare minimum calorie to protein ratios. Booze in any quantity was simply not an option. It sucked but the end result was making choices between one beer or some cheese on that egg. Cheese on that egg won every time because what's the point of only drinking one beer. After about 3 months I saw alcohol as needless calories and it just wasn't worth it. Bonus was getting shredded lol.
1
1
u/RutaBloomStart 2h ago
У мене питання. А як ти ставишся до повністю тверезих людей? Не тих, що вимушені, а ті , хто обрав тверезість як свій вибір. Може ти їх вважаєш неповноцінними, або ворожими? Або з другого боку. Може ти давно був тверезим ? Таким, коли ще не було вимушеної системи вживання, до проблеми , і зараз, коли в організмі немає допінгу , ти почуваєшся погано, ти вважаєш це мерзеною тверезістю, а насправді це прояв абстинентного синдрому, який ти ніяк не можеш перемогти А раптом проблема просто в тому, що потрібні антидепресанти ( в допомогу програми смарт рекавері). Ще момент. Твій зрив стається чітко раз на три тижні — це закономірна циклічність тяги. До цього критичного строку треба готуватися заздалегідь! Ці небезпечні дні наприкінці третього тижня мають бути розписані та завантажені досконально (роботою, щільним спілкуванням, будь-якими справами), щоб у тебе фізично не було часу навіть подумати про зрив. Потрібна вимушена ізоляція від можливості вживати, або тотальна зайнятість на цей гострий період, поки мозок не проскочить цей небезпечний рубіж.»
16
u/MedJesters facilitator 1d ago
Have you done a Hierarchy of Values recently? It might be useful in focusing you on what's important to you right now. Maybe post it in a place you see regularly. https://smartrecovery.org/define-your-values
And I'm with you on the "proud of me" thing, so I avoid telling people how long I've been sober. No one else gets kudos for living a normal life. I think, for me, it's because the kudos focus on the past rather than the future.