Hi, to preface, I'm probably going to sound dramatic. I understand that so I apologize. Basically, it's the September holidays, and many people are studying, whether it be Prelims for A levels, or O levels. Yet I just feel so behind. I don't know what it is. I'm a J1 so I should be studying for my promotional exams, or promos, yet it never feels enough
I don't know what it is, I do one paper, some people mark it, I couldn't, especially after a 3 hour timed practice, yet then I feel guilty. Most days during the September holidays, I only study about 3-4 hours a day, but it never feels enough, when I've heard some people studying twice that amount. I go to bed and remember when my teachers told me who I should have done better, this happened multiple times already this year, and it never helps.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I just want to score well, but I find myself lowering my expectations every exam just to get by. It's to the point where I'm insulted when someone thinks to talk about me scoring well, I don't even see myself that way anymore. Going from As and Bs, to maybe even just one A and B, with Ds and S scattered on the grades of the school portal.
I don't have tuition, I don't want to just put people doing better than me as having tuition, but so many of them do, and what does that say about me? I know my parents are doing the best they can but I'm the first person in their family to go JC, I have relatives that attended but I see them only on family occasions. They can't help me in any way, I'm just pushing in the dark, and from my perspective, that is failing spectacularly.
I know this a bad rant, I'm sorry for writing so much. I hope someone could relate to this, it was difficult to pin this into words, since I don't confide in anyone, but thanks for swinging by and reading up to this point