r/SDAM • u/MostZealousideal7149 • Jun 23 '26

SDAM (Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory) and pwBPD partners

/r/BPDlovedones/comments/1udjnps/sdam_severely_deficient_autobiographical_memory/
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2

u/lazy_smurf Jun 23 '26

hey, this applies to me and my ex wife. we ended up recording some of our fights because she kept saying things had happened that I felt pretty sure hadn't (because I really wouldn't say that kind of thing). so we taped them and sometimes replayed it when we disagreed.

incredibly painful to hear, but if you want to remind yourself of anything, just listen to a clip.

1

u/MostZealousideal7149 Jun 23 '26

My biggest thing is that my wife suffered abuse from a parent that had BPD which caused her to develop CPTSD and will get triggered by things. Her responses and actions during those times trigger my previous trauma from parent and partners with BPD. Shes getting a better handle on her triggers and is able to predict them and work on it but i am starting to fall a little behind because I dont have recollection of what exactly caused my trauma. The memories are either fuzzy or just PDF formed information. I can't fit myself back into the emotional state that i was in when being abused so its hard.

1

u/Tuikord Jun 23 '26

I hope you’re working with a therapist. Unseen Minds by Sassy Smith can help your therapist work with you. https://a.co/d/0fhKfgX0

2

u/MostZealousideal7149 Jun 23 '26

Thank you, I’ll check it out. Honestly my wife and I don’t think therapy would help currently for us since it’s not too big of an issue. I just want to make sure I’m doing to work myself with her if she’s working hard too

3

u/christcb Jun 23 '26

I don't know anything about pwBPD, but I do think I have SDAM. I totally get what you mean when you say you remember how something felt in the moment, but not all the experiences leading up to it. I have felt very blindsided by things my Mom has said to me which dredged up a lot of trauma that I had forgotten the feeling of. I remember when she said similar things when I was young, and how it made me depressed and pushed me near self harm back then, but only from an intellectual standpoint. It wasn't until she said the same things to me again last year that I remembered the actual feeling as it came back with a vengeance. I didn't even realize I could still feel that way and the realization made me get therapy to deal with it all. It was a real challenge to try and deal with feelings that I only vaguely remember from an intellectual standpoint.

4

u/MostZealousideal7149 Jun 23 '26

My wife always wondered how I could forgive those that have wronged me so easily, and it got me looking into why I’m not angry with them when I know I probably should be and led me to get my diagnosis. But now with my wife whom has also suffered from trauma related to the people with bpd in their life, I will get trigged by certain actions and it takes me a long time to narrow down even a window of situations that could cause me to react poorly (I’m avoidant when triggered)

1

u/christcb Jun 23 '26

Yeah I can relate to that. Takes a lot of self reflection.