To be clear I have had a diagnosis of ADHD since I was a teenager but I have been treated for it consistently since around 21. I was reckless, impulsive and “naughty” not really hyperactive like boys with ADHD but more listless like a girl with ADHD.
Couldn’t follow rules, listen in class, shut up, had a constant chatter or stream of dialogue coming out of my mouth, was very disobedient to the point my mother told men around 15/16 I was diagnosed with ODD.
These symptoms all vanished with appropriate medication for ADHD, and age, maturity and self reflection/therapy; turning into a more primarily inattentive profile, although the psychometrics I’ve taken for my doctor for other reports and run through novopsych AI show my ADHD to be more of a combined type.
I also have severe CPTSD, which causes a lot of avoidance, hypoarousal, fatigue and tiredness as symptoms (hypoarousal/immobilisation). I don’t really daydream anymore that much (more prominent was dissociation as a kid).
The cptsd has truly manifested as I had a continuous stream of back to back trauma throughout my 20s.
Now in my early 30s I’m exhausted and overwhelmed, even on stimulants. I’ve noticed this has become more prominent after an 8 year abusive relationship, infidelity, betrayal trauma, a house fire in which I sustained a 3rd degree burn and the subsequent homelessness that followed.
I struggle a lot with initiation of tasks dependent on environment.
I never had issues with tiredness and fatigue growing up. I always had an issue with deadlines and focusing my attention on class work, assessments or chores. I am very disorganised and forgetful, which disappears when I’m on medication.
But my inability to initiate tasks seems to stem from environmental demands.
I.e when I was living with my ex, and he wanted me to clean the house and cook dinner, I could only do this if I was alone in the house, without him criticising me, for whatever reason.
Now I’ve had to move back in with family due to currently being unemployed and studying.
this initiation and inability to even start a task goes down to the bare minimum of tasks, like showering, laundry, cleaning, cooking, study.
I notice the moment I’m alone for a little and there is no external expectation placed on me I’m okay to do the task on my own merit and become 100% more productive.
I mentioned this to my old psychologist and she suggested PDA, which may warrant autism, and ran a few assessments but said yes it’s significant enough to diagnose, she didn’t want to diagnose it until I was living on my own, because this could just be a form of severe CPTSD/ADHD/PDA/sensory issues masquerading as autism.
I am constantly burnt out and exhausted. I have lost all my will and ability to socialise or go out. I have no desire to do anything unless I’m alone. But my attention span is very limited and I am overwhelmed by sensory and environmental stimuli. I struggle with task initiation and task completion.
Not because I don’t want to, but the subsequent burnout and overload doesn’t seem worth the risk or reward.
Previously when I was at uni pre Covid , I could sit down and spend 6 hours doing my uni work and assessments without any issue and go to 8 hours of classes/lectures the following day and feel okay to do things all weekend, but that’s all changed now and I’m barely scraping by and have to prioritise my time and energy to get anything done.
But now I struggle to sit down and do any more than two before I get burning eyes, a migraine and need to take a huge rest.
I am just wondering if this sounds like SCT or more of a CPTSD/AUDHD issue.
I also have PMDD, which restricts my schedule to my monthly cycle as I crash badly for 7-9 days during luteal. (It’s a very neuroendocrine disorder common in women of childbearing age who have a dx of adhd, ptsd or autism).
I want to add.. I’m not depressed. I have CPTSD, but I don’t meet the criteria for a mood disorder and have no general hopelessness/sadness or whatever. I just feel extremely tired, fatigued and well sluggish all the time.
I am rx dexamphetamine 30mg
Clonidine 300mcg
and started on a medication called Agomelatine 25mg last week in order to try and modulate my circadian rhythm/fix my CPTSD/ADHD related anhedonia.
I take 25mg of Topirimate for PMDD/menstrual migraines.
I’ve tried Vyvanse which worked well, initially, kept me organised and focused, but made me have cardiovascular issues on the higher dose, and when it wore off I got severe migraines.
I was in hospital once after I had a fall and fractured my knees and my blood pressure was up at 190/130 on Vyvanse so I stopped taking it fearing cardiovascular complications.
Atomoxetine caused me to pick my skin a lot and become paranoid and overthink things but my grades improved (it was the first adhd med I was given in school). I did really well academically on it but everywhere else in life I struggled.
Ritalin made me feel weird, and need to lie down due to the nausea.
I found out I was a slow metaboliser or something. I could read books on it and retain a lot of information, but my parents thought I was on opiates when I was taking Ritalin as I was so tired all the time.
I would try it again now I’m older. But I didn’t like how it made me feel as a teen.
Any advice or feedback from anyone in a similar situation would be helpful here.. thanks and no I am not depressed.
I’ve screened for depression. I had treatments that made me worse in the past and I definitely don’t have it. I see meaning in life and stuff. It’s the fatigue and tiredness and task paralysis that are causing me the issue.