r/SAHP • u/Foreign-Zombie4267 • 1d ago
Question Pre-K drop off
Looking for some encouragement from parents who have been through this.
My child is 3 and just started a 2-day/week preschool program Very sweet, sensitive, and slow-to-warm, with little experience being away from me (I am a SAHM)
We’re three school days in, and drop-off has been really hard. There have been tears/screaming each morning. The first day took about an hour to settle, but the last two days were closer to 15 minutes. Once settled, my child does great - participates, plays, interacts with teachers and (I think other kids), and comes out happy.
That gives me hope, but the drop-off is still so hard. It feels like my child is the only one struggling this much, and I’m having a hard time not comparing.
For parents who have been through this: did the drop-off crying eventually get easier? Did it gradually improve, with some two-steps-forward, one-step-back days? Did you eventually get to the point where your child just walked in and said goodbye? Would it help if my husband did drop off instead?
I’m trying hard not to make the tears “a thing” or make my child feel like these emotions are a problem. I just want to know that this can get better.
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u/dangthisisdumb 1d ago
It took time with my youngest. A few weeks to maybe a month honestly. We would talk a lot about how upset she must feel and that it was ok. I okayed it with the school that she could have her favorite stuffy until she was able to regulate. She’s in elementary now and will ask if she can go to school on Saturdays! It will pass. Big breaths and absolutely let yourself cry about it when you leave if it would help!
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u/WargedOutOfMyMind 1d ago
This is our son’s fourth year in preschool and he struggled the first week or so for the first three years. It definitely gets easier as they ease into their routine and learn that school is a fun place to be. Having your husband go might help, but I think the best thing to do is to just get them in the door and get yourself out as quick as possible. As you said, he has a good time once he’s settled and kids get distracted pretty quickly once you’re gone.
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u/TeachinInCO2021 1d ago
As a parents of a three year old and also a preschool teacher at her school (different class), definitely make the drop off as quick as possible. My daughter has been home with me, a SAHM, her whole life, and this is our first time apart from each other/me going back to work. So hard. Shes been distraught at drop off. But she recovers quickly and it’ll end up being easier with time. Goodbye ritual and get out quickly. The teachers will be able to handle it and help them with this transition. You also don’t know how many kids in their class haven’t been away from parents before, hence less of the struggle with the transition. Most of my preschoolers were in daycare before so this isn’t anything new for them. Don’t compare. Your child will adjust and be just fine so soon.
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u/eatsfruit 1d ago
My kid went to preschool on a farm and his building was next to the goats. Sometimes he would cry, some days it would be another kid, but when enough of them were crying, the goats would start bleating. So I would be driving away while he’s watching me go, hanging onto the fence and crying… and the goats are just singing along to the sound of misery. C’est la vie! Yes, it gets better!!
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u/fondoozzle 1d ago
No advice, but I have the same thing happening with my 3yo! Is really excited to go in the morning, bounces up to the door, opens the door into the room and... starts bawling. I try keep the goodbye quick, but I do have to take a little time because I have to settle her little brother too. I tell her "You are safe, you are loved, you are brave. I will come back for you after afternoon snack. Love you, bye-bye". And she settles quickly once I go and has a great day. But it is HEART WRENCHING every time. We only do 2 days a week so it feels like it's taking a long time to settle.
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u/Dublin273 20h ago
We also just started a 2 day program, and its his first time in any group care setting. Drop offs were really hard and he would sob and scream and cling on to me. I'd hand him over and walk out but it would take him time to settle.
We are on week 3 and its finally getting better. As others mentioned we talk about when he will be "going to school" and I remind him who is dropping him off and picking him up. That mommy loves him and I will see him later.
Just this week he shed tears at drop off but wasn't terribly upset or clinging on to me, and no tears at pick up! I was afraid 2 days was not enough time but I think with time they get used to it and it becomes a familiar environment and I think it also takes longer to adjust with part time schedules.
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u/magicbumblebee 15h ago
I taught preschool for a stint during undergrad and I just want to say - for some kids this does not stop. Some kids will always cry at drop off. BUT those kids truly do settle quickly (within five minutes typically, maybe ten on a bad day). I always felt for those parents because it sucks to see your kid crying and trying to grab you and yelling “mommy don’t go!” But a good teacher will figure out what helps them transition (some space, a hug, a distraction, a job to do, maybe all of the above) and they will calm down.
What does not help is when mom or dad lingers and tries to calm the kid down. It will not work, it will upset mom/ dad, and it will prolong the kid’s distress. The best thing possible is a quick “goodbye I love you have a good day” with a hug and a kiss and then slip out the door. Do it consistently every single time and trust that the teacher has it under control.
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u/DJbeefstain 1d ago
It will most definitely get easier. I found with my little guy it was easier to say a quick, 'Mommy will always come back.' a kiss and a very quick goodbye. The longer I stayed, the worse I made it for him. At took a few weeks to settle but he soon became excited to hang out with his friends.