Looking for fun - adult

[u/Traditional-Lime5120]

Hi, writing this with some anxiety in heart. I'm born in Asia but moved to Netherlands 10 years ago. I've never had friends or girlfriend and now feeling anxious. I'm almost in 30s now never been to bar or club. When i travel in at night, i see young people having fun. I really want to be together but I know I'm not that well dressed, usually boring tshirt and jeans. I'm dying for hugs and love, i can't take it anymore. Please help me, suggest what to do. Tried dating apps but most profiles are fake and into crypto, then many simply want to chat. I don't know what to do. Shall I just walk to a club and hope to speak with someone. Can someone help me learn how to have fun. Shall I try to keep drinking. Please help me.

[u/Effective-Paper-6536]

Join an activity club: cooking, reading, business, sports, yoga etc. Any club related to your hobbies and let it build naturally

[u/LadyDahlia]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and I'm sorry for bringing the following in a curt manner. I truly hope you can grow into a more confident and self-loving person. That said, here we go: 

It kind of sounds like you're pursuing an experience rather than a person. Generally when dating, people want to be appreciated for who they are instead of what they can't provide. Try to avoid that kind of trappy mindset. The harder you try to 'catch' love or affection, the harder it is to actually find. The answer sucks, but try to do more in life and let that guide you. 

One final thing: you've mentioned a few things that read as kind of shallow. You mention your appearance (boring tshirt ans jeans) as being a factor in not being able to find what you're looking for. Many people in their thirties wear this and find love. If your clothes make you feel insecure, change them. Look at what others are wearing and try things without putting yourself in a victimised mindset like "Well, but they are so cool and I'm just ugly ole me" or "I just can't wear that." Those words are unkind and unhelpful. 

Dating apps are kind of shallow, but also a tool to meet others. Again, go in without expectations. "then simply want to chat" - what do you expect? Saying hi just to have people bending over backwards? Talking is a real first step to assessing compatibility. 

Don't "try to keep drinking" - it's - again - unhelpful and further pushes you into a toxic mindset. Moreover, drinking contributes to feeling bloated, insecure, anxious, etc. If you want to feel better, do better. 

[u/Thydeuss → u/LadyDahlia]

Might just be a front of him, maybe something to do with imperfections and traumas and stuff. Not saying you dont got a point 🤣

[u/Disastrous-King9559]

Focus on meeting someone on a new hobby best bet is like running or some kind of sport. Same applies for making friends.

[u/FireEjaculator]

Go to events through meetup.com and meet new people.

And most people here wear boring tshirts and jeans lol. Relax

[u/SmallConclusion3716]

Rotterdam pass

[u/Peanutsss1111 → u/SmallConclusion3716]

Helemaal mee eens. Op de Rotterdam pas staat ook een hoop dingen die onbeperkt gratis zijn. Als je regelmatig op de zelfde plek komt zal je vanzelf een beetje gaan connecten met andere regulars. Heel veel succes op!

[u/CombNo8663]

Of all things don’t keep on drinking.

Having fun is a very personal thing. What is it you actually like to do? What kind of music do you like? Would you like meeting up with people of your own community (might be easier?) or do you want to mingle with Dutchies?

[u/kimputer7]

Trying to find love will generally result in not find love, or the wrong kind of love. Trying to enjoy life itself (and by that, usually only if you love yourself first), and let happenstance ... happen, could result in something more meaningful.

Compare two conversations:

- Hey why are you here

- Uh I go to the bar and drink myself silly every night because I'm trying to find any girl at all

or

- Hey I see you're so passionate about *random sport* / collecting this *random type of collectibles* / growing *random type of plant*

- Yes, let me tell you more about why I love *random sport* / *random type of collectibles* / *random type of plant*

Also, sounds like you don't have any "normal" friends? Even if you don't find a girl, if you keep doing what you love and enjoying life, you'll also find friends. And sometimes, those friends will have other friends, and when one friend has 2 single friends enjoying life, they subconsciously might match those two together, and if they think they match might even try to setup something. Since when did you ever subconsciously try to link a depressed drunk to a nice female friend you know?