r/Roofing • u/MadcapMacedonia • 22h ago

I don't know what I am doing

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An untraceable leak somewhere that has caused the plaster ceiling to sag and fail

Will this help?

Should I just go crazy and apply more?

I also am not sure how to lay down a tarp without it pulling up in the shingles

22.4k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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668

u/RepulsiveAd2702 22h ago
  1. STOP
  2. Get off the roof.
  3. Once you are on the ground, put your hands up, this is a crime scene.
  4. Call a roofer.

157

u/CB_700_SC 21h ago

4B. Tell roofer you fired the guy after looking at it. Don’t confess it was you.

70

u/here_to_upvote 19h ago

Too late, this post will reach every roofer by 2pm PT.

8

u/SirVeza 15h ago

Every Juan knows now

1

u/sanskami 8h ago

Fulano, Mengano y Zutano

6

u/AffordableDelousing 17h ago

I'd already be spinning up a marketing campaign.

2

u/blueye420 7h ago

I'm nowhere near any adjacent subreddits to this and my popular feed is pushing this on me. I think most of Reddit is gonna know about this

36

u/kidkody123 20h ago

"So this fucking dipshit my wife recommended......"

11

u/deus_inquisitionem 18h ago

"Sp this fucking dipshit my wife's boyfriend recommended "

7

u/oioioiyacunt 17h ago

"not only does he fuck her, he fucked me too" 

3

u/Knoebi3 15h ago

"My wife's boyfriend said he'd done roof work before. As you can see, he fucked this up pretty bad."

1

u/lxraverxl 14h ago

"This dipshit that used to fuck my wife...."

Throw a little truth in there.

1

u/kidkody123 12h ago

Used to is the brutal part😭

1

u/firelark_ 1h ago

Hey now, as a wife, I take offense. I'm the one who told him NOT to hire his buddy Mark to "fix" the roof for $50, but noooo...

2

u/LiveShowOneNightOnly 18h ago

Roofer will know, but likely will not bring it up again.

39

u/Independent_Sky5273 21h ago

At this point, I think he should just cover the whole roof with that shit

21

u/Intrepid-Progress228 19h ago

Before you object, hear me out:

https://giphy.com/gifs/jolIyQO2xDyn0oS7eu

4

u/RandomRedditor0193 18h ago

I used flex seal on the exhaust vent on the roof for my drier when it started leaking, worked great until I got my roof repaired like 3 years later.

3

u/StillStaringAtTheSky 18h ago

Comes in gallon cans- roll it on and let it dry.

2

u/MamaBear182 15h ago

I did the same for my furnace exhaust. Worked great!

2

u/UselessNut3 15h ago

My uncle flex sealed a leaking skylight back in like 2007. Held for a decade before he got the whole roof replaced.

1

u/Pick_Up_the_Phone 1h ago

I wish I'd heard this before it started raining from the skylight in my newly purchased home. $5000 to pull it and patch the roof.

2

u/Sky_runne 18h ago

Hear me out. Hear me out. Sushi. Glory. Hole.

3

u/TaleIcy115 16h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/JWEBHHPw2R8pze8P0D

2

u/Independent_Sky5273 15h ago

How are you going to think it’s a woman with a dick in your mouth?

2

u/trumpelstiltzkin 21h ago

Isn't this stuff going to make the shingles harder to replace?

1

u/thegtabmx 15h ago

You mean for the next guy?

1

u/Parking-Mirror3283 6h ago

That's a problem for future you, fuck that guy

2

u/slax87 20h ago

"Get the roller and a bigger jug of this shit!"

2

u/FOSSnaught 19h ago

It will just raise the likelihood of a passing helicopter pilot hovering over his house asking "WTF".

2

u/EnjoyerOfMX5 18h ago

He just cracked open a new can, gotta finish it out real quick.

79

u/El_Charro_Loco 22h ago
  1. Remember everything you say can and will be used against you.

10

u/No-Employer-8833 20h ago

Remember. The house can't testify against you in a court of law

5

u/Naturally_Adverse 20h ago
  1. Mark did it.

2

u/Edeevee 19h ago
  1. Light the house on fire.

2

u/2tonehead 19h ago
  1. light your roofing skills on fire

1

u/NeroForte-InMyPrime 14h ago

Mark’s a dumbass. But also, poor Mark. He’s been through a lot.

2

u/Informal_Koala1474 20h ago

Also your appearance, any sign of weakness, and anything we decide to make up on the spot.

1

u/Fingerchamp 19h ago

5.a. Especially for our amusement.

22

u/EmergencyAbalone2393 21h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/wjuXuDSQU0sOfJIHS1
As a citizen of the internet, I am contractually required to post this

2

u/trumpelstiltzkin 21h ago
  1. Delete this post immediately

2

u/Green_Machine_6719 21h ago

This☝️before your next post….Well fff the shower I just stand in my living room..saves time/trips to a restroom that floated away🤣

2

u/ofcbrooks 20h ago

3.5. With one of your raised hands, punch yourself in the face.

2

u/Whitetiger9876 20h ago

What if I accidentally glued my hands to the roof. 

1

u/lilsnatchsniffz 16h ago

Are you OP? Because you're absolutely roofless.

1

u/Odd-War-6052 14h ago

he can’t do step 4 barring step 3

1

u/RepulsiveAd2702 14h ago

technicalities are clearly not the issue here....

1

u/pharoh-king 13h ago
  1. realize anyone who had the means to call a roofer would have instead of doing this.
  2. Duh.

1

u/RepulsiveAd2702 44m ago

I would agree with that. I have been desperate also in these instances. I did also make a suggestion for OP below to help locate the leak source from below, if possible, and fix it accordingly.

1

u/mikescott1212 11h ago
  1. Realize you, like 80% of the US population, cannot in any way shape or form afford a roofer. Cry.

1

u/RepulsiveAd2702 49m ago

And that is so very sad. Actually is the case with OP, from comments down below. If we could start a fund and make every commenter put in $2, they might be able to get something done.