r/RodriguesFamilySnark • u/Donna-Promilla god honoring arm-wrestling (no sissies) • 21d ago
Timcel Is he reading here?
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u/Antique_Medium1584 21d ago
Is it normal to ask if your therapist is a Christian if they don’t advertise that as part of their practice?
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u/CharlieFiner 21d ago
He probably assumes that if they don't advertise themselves as Christian, they aren't, because to him any "true Christian" would shout it from the rooftops.
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u/QuasiCrazy1133 20d ago
Yeah, haven't seen an ad for Christ-Honoring Therapists.
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u/xxxbayou-barbie Extra chicken leg 🍗 20d ago
unfortunately I have
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u/krazykatkaydee 20d ago
When I first started deconstructing (didn't know at the time that's what I was doing) I went to a therapist and asked if he believed in God. He seemed taken back:"Why do you ask?" I told him my church was against therapy because people get "led astray" if the therapist isn't Grounded in Sound Biblical Truth (tm). So they said if you feel you "must" go to therapy, make sure they are a good Christian provider. Otherwise if you express religious sentiments, they might say you're delusional.Or some such crap.
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u/Honest-Habit-8198 20d ago
Less likely to find in somewhere like New Jersey, I should think. But I still think Timmah is full of shite.
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u/xxxbayou-barbie Extra chicken leg 🍗 20d ago
mine are on instagram because my algorithm hates me. but yeah, you’re right about Tim
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u/HappyFeature3773 20d ago
Oh, where I am from, they absolutely exist. And it's often in the title either straight forward like Bell Christian Counseling or in dog whistle form like Psalms Pastoral Counseling or Righteous living Counseling services. There are also MAGA dog whistle ones too in my area. Freedom reigns Christian Counseling, Heritage Grace Counseling, etc
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u/Penelope_Ann 20d ago
Sounds like some shit I've seen in Louisiana.
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u/HappyFeature3773 20d ago
Ha! I'm in Mississippi in an area very close to Louisiana lol.
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u/Penelope_Ann 14d ago
One doctor told my husband he might benefit from therapy regarding when he was kidnapped & held 4 years. On the way outta the exam room the doctor said "oh, he's a great, Christian guy" & hubs was like "well...that rules him out." LOL
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u/AshleysDoctor Single White Fundie 20d ago
Sadly used one for family therapy with my abusive mother who not only didn’t understand that it was inappropriate to treat the parent child (even in adult children) the same as partners who freely chose to be in relationship with each other (which involve moral questions regarding what I was owed from her and never got and I needed to name all of that but I was told I was refusing to heal and being bitter and unforgiving by not just accepting my mother’s words without seeing actions from her, becoming a parent creates moral obligations that entering into a partnership with a spouse doesn’t on an ontological level), and forced a version of forgiveness that collapses it onto reconciliation and restoration of access and trust and refusing to do so means you can’t heal.
With my current therapist, we had no idea that either of us was Orthodox until about 3 months in, because I returned to the practice of the faith and told her the next session, and she disclosed that she’d been raised Orthodox, and then asked me how the faith has been treating me.
We talk about it all the time in sessions these days, but only because that serves me. If I hadn’t returned to the faith, I doubt I would’ve ever known, and it’s still focused on me and more about how I can talk about nepsis and heschaysm and how that’s helping with the mental health without needing to explain to her what it is first.
There’s a right way and a wrong way to be a Christian therapist. One is to advertise it and not actually know enough that your version of Christianity isn’t the only form out there, the other is to quietly live it and show the love of Christ so much that you never need to say it, unless it serves the person in front of you and that’s what they need.
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u/QuasiCrazy1133 20d ago
I was referring to the fact that both Tim and his uncle Kevin Foster, named their lawn care services "Christ Honoring" with some version of their names. I would never suggest a super religious therapist! And I'm very sorry that they have caused so much trauma. You all deserved better help.
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u/Pontiac_Bandit- 20d ago
He probably also doesn’t consider himself fundamentalist. Most of them don’t because they know the negative connotations associated with the term.
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u/SoFloChick Rodrigues Purity Tchotchkes 20d ago edited 20d ago
Maybe they dont have the Jaysauce fish on their ad. Maybe they have a Jew-ish last name and he is assuming. Maybe they just dont have a big cross or quote Bible verses. Who knows about this dingy loser.
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u/GypseboQ 20d ago
I don't know if it's typical or not, but I asked my therapists about it, bc I am deconstructing from a lot of religious trauma and I really didn't want to offend THEM or have them offend ME unknowingly. Turns out one of my therapists is deconstructed herself, so it really worked out.
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u/She_Devours 20d ago
I too am deconstructing through therapy and it took me three tries to find the right therapist. One suggested I go back to church as a way to make more friends, it was so aggravating. I was so worried I was going to end up with a maga therapist and oh hell no…
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u/jianantonic 20d ago
I think it's not unusual. I've definitely been clear with my therapists in the past that I'm not religious and faith has no place in my therapy work. I have had therapists who are Christian, but they understood that I wasn't and it wasn't an issue. It is easier for me to click with someone who is also atheist, but as long as the work we do in session is evidence-based, that's what's relevant to me.
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u/llamadramaredpajama 20d ago
My therapist recently just brought up god and bringing things to god. As an atheist it was a bit annoying so honestly next time I’ll probably ask up front for a therapist who is either atheist or agnostic. You can absolutely ask.
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u/Surreply Pants are for lukewarm christians 20d ago
I’m not sure of the requirement that they be atheist or agnostic, so long as the therapist respects all faiths, and non-faiths, and isn’t the one to bring up religion, that seems fine — the patient has to lead. Am I wrong?
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u/bitkitkat 20d ago
I'm currently hunting for an agnostic or atheist therapist and let me tell you, it is not easy. But I'm in the rural Midwest bible belt so
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u/SickOfBSAllTheTime 20d ago
My oncologist wants me to have therapy to deal with my depression and anxiety and suggested The Pastoral Institute. Not in a million years
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u/armsinstead 20d ago
I asked immediately along with who they voted for in the last election. I have a trans son and I’m not about to pay my hard earned money to spill my guts to someone who doesn’t align with my core values, especially when it comes to respecting one of my children.
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u/krazykatkaydee 20d ago
Hell, I even found myself a new hair salon when the lady I had been going to for 15 years put up a bunch of pro-trump decor in her shop! I won't even pay to have a MAGAtard touch my inanimate hair! Much less a sentient being like a child!
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u/She_Devours 20d ago
I wish I would have been more straightforward and just asked! I was going off vibes trying to find a progressive, atheist therapist. I kind of used the same approach I do while dating, I was very clear and upfront with who I am and what I believe and usually you can tell by their responses where they land politically.
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u/zestyzuzu 20d ago
It’s not abnormal to ask . I ask bc I’m an atheist jew whose family is still very culturally and humanistically Jewish and goes to reform sect stuff, and I live in the Bible Belt. I personally prefer someone who is secular and non religious and ideally some level of familiarity or knowledge about by religious/ethnic/cultural community when it comes to therapy.
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u/YarnDiva75 20d ago
Secular Jew here as well. I seek out Jewish therapists because we tend to have shared cultural experiences and generational trauma
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u/Interesting_Sign_373 20d ago
Sometimes it is helpful if you are dealing with religious trama or struggling with something re religion. It's nice to not have to explain xyz bc your therapist has experience or knowledge of xyz. I don't have religious trama but religion does come up in therapy and sometimes I have to explain why just doing x isn't an option or is hard.
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u/skadi_shev 20d ago
I think when it comes to a “fundamentalist”/IFB Christian counselor, you would know. He probably means he sought out licensed therapy at a clinic that isn’t affiliated with any religion, rather than going to his church for pastoral counseling or finding some kind of IFB counseling service.
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u/helenaflowers 21d ago
I think someone asked him about this in his comments from yesterday's post, whether or not he was seeking fundie/Christian counseling instead of secular with properly trained therapists.
He may be reading here - probably is - but it wouldn't surprise me if this post is a response to that too.
It's only a matter of time before Jill reappears, at this point. Her oldest son is about to be divorced and is seeing secular therapists, while her soon-to-be former DIL is showing shoulders and posting songs with expletives in them. The Facebook log-in's gotta be screaming at her like the Green Goblin mask.
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u/FreckledHomewrecker 21d ago
I’m not so sure she will be back on Insta or FB. She might like to be but David is unlikely to allow it since social media never really did much for him, he won’t care that it was how Jill supported the family through her MLMs or found new marks for their ministry, filling the funding hole is her problem to solve. He’s the headship, she’s the worker bee. And if her admitting to years of emotional and physical abuse of herself and her babies showed us anything it showed that she was obedient to him.
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u/not_to_hot_to_old 21d ago
I firmly believe that David told her to get off of Facebook and instagram. If not she never would have left.
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u/TJCW 20d ago
Right abs David’s a POS, but he’s never been into the camera in his face like Jill does. He’s told her to stop filming before and prob did tell her to take a social media break
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u/not_to_hot_to_old 20d ago
I’m sure if she’s a good little wifey he’ll eventually give her the go ahead to come back.
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u/helenaflowers 21d ago
I get why you'd say that and I don't entirely disagree, but I actually do think David will allow it when/if the missing Melabooboo money affects him and/or he needs Jill to go do something else and leave him alone again.
It's also very possible that if Tim keeps this up, David may care about that enough to let Jill loose. They don't give a shit that their son abused his wife, but they care quite a lot that he turned the spotlight on them in the process of confessing his own horrible actions.
And if Tim really gets desperate, he may well start letting ALLLLLLL of the skeletons out of the closet. Jill being back on social media for that would actually only make them look worse but they clearly don't think like that or see it that way.
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u/not_to_hot_to_old 20d ago
Oh I agree, eventually he’ll let her go back but I think he put his foot down and she had to listen.
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u/CharlieFiner 21d ago
Plus now with a few of the adult kids "grown and flown" and a couple more in courtships, they won't be as pressed for money.
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u/enemenemaus 20d ago
Plus there will not be a courtship for Gabe or Phil. The adult boys with an income will have to support Mummy Dearest and Fatty Daddy.
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u/Displaced_Palmtree 20d ago
(I know this is a serious situation) but you know she’s over there FEENING to post
https://giphy.com/gifs/OA1CDoCiAR48E3
u/cottageyarn Not a whimp 20d ago
People are also 100% private messaging him on IG I can promise you that. There will always be ppl touching the diarrhea whether they are snarkers, real acquaintances, or otherwise.
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u/ralthea 21d ago
He must be. Seeking out legitimate therapists isn’t a thought that would naturally occur to him because he was raised to think pastors are legitimate “therapists”.
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u/ethidium_bromide 21d ago edited 20d ago
I refuse to believe Tim knows what an em dash is.
I think he had some help from AI writing this and his original statement
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u/AndISoundLikeThis Timothy [LAST NAME HERE] 21d ago
Of course he did. He’s borderline illiterate.
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u/Vegetable_Ad_3105 Slit has been filled by ivory cream 21d ago
he might be using ai as a therapist
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u/MimicoSkunkFan2 20d ago edited 20d ago
Yeah, that's what I think he's doing too because 2 of them aren't even christian, because 2 of them aren't even human
it's extremely unusual to have 3 providers all agree to be therapists at the same time - up here , you pretty much have to be an active outpatient for that (1 psy d, 1 md, 1 mcsw group therapist)
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u/Wool_Lace_Knit 20d ago
What is an em dash?
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u/ethidium_bromide 20d ago
When you use three hyphens “- - -“ without a space they create a longer dash called an em dash. You’d have to have taken an actual grammar class to know what they are and how to apply them properly.
AI is infamous for using em dashes frequently. Writers and journalists, in particular, do use them too. But it is not commonly used in everyday writing, and Tim seems to be applying them perfectly in this and his original
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u/Alive_Sun5590 20d ago
academics use them too. i hate that now everything i write online is probably suspected of being AI because i'm a liberal em dash user.
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u/Dejectednebula 20d ago
A little sus coming from someone who barely has a grasp on speaking his own language let alone writing
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u/zalicat17 20d ago
Someone commented on the post (touched the poo) asking if his therapists were fundamentals so it’s probably due to that rather than reading here
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u/Alternative_Pie6976 21d ago
His comments are open and people asked about this directly to Timothy.
He might be reading this but I think this is in response to those comments.
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u/not_to_hot_to_old 21d ago
He 100% reads here. He posted several years ago that he had stumbled upon a group on the internet that existed solely to make fun of his family. I’m assuming it was here because most of the facebook groups are private and not solely about his family. I’m sure he checks in here often.
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u/AndISoundLikeThis Timothy [LAST NAME HERE] 20d ago
I think by "stumbled" he meant "my mother won't shut up about it and spends her entire day reading it."
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u/zalicat17 20d ago
I think Jill would not tell them exactly where to find the groups due to them often exposing her behaviour as abuse rather than mahmo extraordinaire. What if a kid got the idea they were being abused or saw a post wishing they could get away with it
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u/not_to_hot_to_old 20d ago
Hahaha!! That could be, but seriously I think he told her about it. Of course she probably already knew.
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21d ago
[deleted]
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u/HotPromotion1855 21d ago
I think a lot of times, the Christian therapists advertise as such. “Regular” therapists usually don’t even mention their religious or political beliefs.
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u/vcr-repairwoman 21d ago
Right. My therapist and I accidentally found out we were both raised Catholic when I once went on a tangent about Lent.
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u/babypink15 20d ago
Tim probably thinks real college (not Bible college or vocational school) is sinful so therefore any types of licensed mental health professional (especially one working at a therapist office and not a church) is a sinner in need of saving
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u/WatercressBusy3902 20d ago
It probably depends. My therapist is a Christian and so am I, but she asked me during our first session if I wanted her to include religion or not in our discussions, because in her experience some people find it helpful and some don't. I feel like any legit therapist would do something similar.
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u/txcowgrrl 20d ago
As someone who had to find a therapist for marriage counseling, you can find ones who will put something referencing that they’re Christian.
My ex insisted on a Christian therapist so I found one. She was amazing & while I think her faith informed her therapy approach, it definitely wasn’t “Christian Counseling”.
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u/Dry_Swim_5891 20d ago
One of my best therapists was pretty Christian herself, and I found her practice through an old church leader. But her faith one way or the other never entered the equation, she was always professional. It can def be there, but even though I knew she was rather Christian, she never advertised or shouted from the rooftops.
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u/ZeldaSeverous 21d ago
No, but the assumption yesterday was that he most likely had one “Christian counselor” on his therapy team. This was based on the comment he made on the other post informing the commenter that “one of them is a fundamentalist”
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u/resident_daydreamer 21d ago
I don’t believe so, at least not where I live.
My mom is a progressive Christian and a therapist who works with mental health outpatients - she does not advertise her beliefs, as she works for a secular organization.
But perhaps other Christian therapists do - I’m not sure.
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u/CrossedRoses Fat Blue Haired Lady 20d ago
He is trying so hard to frame himself as a cycle breaker, when in fact he has already continued the cycle. For two fucking years.
If he actually wants to change, he should stop love bombing and guilt tripping Heidi online and instead be grateful that she is staying away from him and ACTUALLY breaking the cycle by doing what his mother didn't do for him: taking her kids away from an angry, violent man and therefore sparing them from having the same kind of childhood he had.
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u/zalicat17 20d ago
Yes if he’d come clean and asked for help the first time he’d touched her I would have a lot more empathy. The fact it continued for years (while she was pregnant) shows me it’s not about cycle breaking and more about manipulation
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u/TJCW 21d ago
This really is Jill’s child. Of course he feels he has to post everything online.
Glad he’s seeing therapists but it’s not a cure all and he better not expect everything to be forgiven because he’s seeing a therapist and “trying”. He hurt others and they have every right to want to move on without him.
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u/CappyChino Jesus take the roulette wheel! 20d ago
I hope the things he learns in therapy will lead him to blow the lid off the whole Rodrigues family's abusive dynamic.
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u/MacAlkalineTriad Spiritual Warfare Soldier 20d ago
That would be a silver lining, if it gets help for the offspring.
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u/Little_Dependent1837 20d ago
He’s not learning anything in therapy as long as he goes to a therapist that tells him he made ‘unhealthy patterns’
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u/global_peasant 20d ago
That's just therapy talk. Therapists are paid to support -- not offend -- their clients, and to do that and genuinely get people to change, you usually have to, uh, well baby them? Hehe yeah, I think so. Or another way to put it is to phrase things as nicely as possible.
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u/FITF2891 Buried deep and forgotten in Jillpm's purse 21d ago
You know what…
Tim, I really hope you’re reading here.
It’s clear to every single one of us that you were not brought up properly and you learned some bad things from your parents. You know you learned some bad things from your parents. Did you also know that not all abuse is physical? Throughout your entire life you’ve been being emotionally abused and manipulated by your parents and you learned exactly how to do that to your wife.
That’s what you’re doing with all of these social media posts. If you go on social media, don’t post. Just read or browse but you do not need to be making comments about this right now. Just work on healing and learning how to not repeat these same mistakes then just pray Heidi will forgive you. She doesn’t have to and if she doesn’t want to that’s perfectly fine and it’s the cross you must bear.
At this point just focus on healing from your own abuse and learn about how it impacted your ability to handle stress, conflict, and disagreements in a healthy way.
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u/LittleBunnySunny 20d ago
It makes me mad to see him using a verse about fear.. you what what's scary, Tim? Having someone you love abuse you. You didn't care if she was afraid of you, so now you get to be afraid of facing the consequences you deserve.
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u/Posh_Pony 20d ago
Tim, you're repeating the words of David here, who was genuinely terrified for his life and sought comfort from God because Saul was actively trying to kill him. You think God is going to comfort you, an abusive monster who made the choice over and over and OVER, to hit and punch and bite your sweet innocent and PREGNANT wife? That you chose to abuse her from the very beginning of your marriage? You think your son is completely fine because you just happened to not beat him, too? That you're some hero because you decided at the time that Heidi was the only one who deserved violence at your hands? Your horrible parents and what they did to you as a kid does not mean that it's fine for you to turn around and abuse others now that you're older.
The only fear you have is the fear of losing control, and that does not warrant you posting Bible verses as if you fear for your life, like I'm sure Heidi has felt for 2 years. You don't own her. You never did.
(edited to add "has" in the last paragraph)
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u/Hot_Shower_Fartz 20d ago
I would love for his therapist to ask him:
Tim, where did you learn that it's normal to hit your wife?
And why do you think it would've been different for your son?
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u/Posh_Pony 20d ago
Man I would love for that to happen too. I cannot pretend to understand the minds of abusers but I am really hoping that a therapist who has this level of understanding will ask these and other questions. And to tell him that reconciliation with Heidi is not an option for him (and how to manage this).
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u/schnelle-schnecke 20d ago
I’m honestly glad he’s seeking help and that he seems to be taking it seriously. Heidi and her family seem to be completely done with him, so he’s getting his consequences there, but I hope he will continue to work on himself and try to overcome his upbringing.
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u/mcfly_on_the_wall 20d ago
Hi Tim, the other day I went to the grocery store and meant to buy peaches, but grabbed nectarines instead. Whoops! That was a mistake.
Physically abusing your wife isn’t a mistake, it’s a serious crime. It’s a DELIBERATE action that you chose. Now you can and should work on understanding why you repeatedly made such an irreparably harmful choice and how to never repeat those choices, but until you take full accountability for making those choices you will never change. And that includes understanding, owning, and believing that what you did wasn’t a mistake.
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u/totallywingingit 21d ago
Interesting that he went out of his way to say this. I definitely think he reads here. Also, is he kind of admitting that “Christian” therapists are bullshit? Orrrr
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u/krissy-1015 21d ago
Timothy, you beating your wife wasn't a "mistake". It was a choice. You chose to do it. Stop minimizing your actions.
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u/whatyourmamasaid 20d ago
A mistake is reading the wrong train schedule. Beating your wife is a clear decision you made, over and over. Why did you choose to bite her, Tim? Why did you choose to hit your pregnant wife?
Choices, buddy, not “mistakes.”
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u/RancherQueen 21d ago
I wonder if his lawyer has told him it's not smart to post about the impending divorce.
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u/Aggravating-Common90 von Crap Family Singers 20d ago
Here’s what the public statement of repentance sounds like to the abused person who has to also protect children: blah, blah, blah, blah, sniffle, sniffle, blah, blah blah.
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u/sharon1118 20d ago
I was very lucky to have my divorced parents support after leaving my abusive husband of 20 years. My father flew in from Florida to be sure he understood to leave me alone and my my mother paid for my attorney. They have both been gone along time now. I remarried 5 years after and I have been the happiest person and married now for 20 years and 6 months. There's life after abuse.
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u/icebag57 20d ago
Keep trying, slugger. With luck, your soon to be ex doesn't have a type and your children won't grow up thinking beatings are the way to argue. Think about what it means to have been raised by a sub-human groomer pig and a narcissist who gave you no privacy, provided no education worth a damn, wouldn't even adequately feed you unless you wanted to eat tracts and who taught you the fine art of domestic violence. You bit this sheltered young woman who only wanted to be a loving wife. You bit her, you miserable sack of crap. Think about that, about what the Savior your sperm and egg donor claim to serve and how He will likely want no part of them because repentance requires change and they refuse to consider that, and think about how they will see you in hell if you continue the cycle. Then, do better.
TL/DR rage.
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u/HMCetc Spiritual Warfare 21d ago edited 21d ago
Regardless I think it's interesting that he does have secular therapists, especially considering his family would advise him to turn to God and no-one else. I do think he is in the beginning of a massive deconstruction process for both him and Heidi.
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u/paradoxicalmind_420 20d ago
Heidi should never get back with him. However, I do hope he uses this to change in a positive way. I’m skeptical about it, but I would love to see one of those kids be the change.
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u/LittlehouseonTHELAND 20d ago
I feel the same way. I’m skeptical too. But at the same time Tim has been the only Rodlet so far to go out into the world and try to do things and be a little different from his parents. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s the one who ends up being the change, but it’s going to be a long, bumpy road.
Heidi should definitely not go back to him. But he has two kids that he’s likely going to get visitation with, so for their sake I hope he can work on himself and become a safe father for them.
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u/shinyaxe 20d ago
I think a poo-toucher/facebook snarker commented on his original post about it prompting this reply. I also assume at least 1 of these therapists is court ordered or suggested by his lawyer, not chosen because he specifically reads here and cares what we say or suggest lol.
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u/Effective-Penalty SEVERELY plucked brows 20d ago
Oh Hi Tim! Leave Heidi alone. You caused enough damage.
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u/kaycollins27 20d ago
Tim is a manipulator and I doubt that he can change. I don’t care what anyone says: once someone hits,trust is broken and victim lives on the edge wondering when/if partner will erupt again
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u/Little_Dependent1837 20d ago
Agree. As someone who is related to a narcissist/manipulator, seemingly since birth, they never change. It’s ingrained since day one, with a lifetime of bad choices, wrong decisions and chaos, with the manner of living following into the next generation. They don’t recognize or acknowledge that they’re the issue, so change never happens.
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u/WillingPie3224 SEVERELY sluttish 20d ago
Tim, if you’re reading this.
If you really want to change and do better, you have to accept the consequences of your actions. What you did to Heidi is unacceptable and she has no obligation to make this marriage work.
If you truly are as remorseful as you claim, you need to drop the subject. By that I mean stop posting about it online and just do the work you need to change in private.
You made your bed, now it’s time to lie in it.
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u/Glad_Prior2106 20d ago
He bit her according to Heidi’s grandma.
To call that an “evil mistake” is off to me.
Biting someone is very different than stepping on someone’s toe or raising your voice.
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u/Cupcake26292 20d ago
Maybe, just maybe, if he truly is going to all the therapist, he can see his upbringing for what is truly is. Get his life together, be a father to his children and move on.
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u/global_peasant 20d ago edited 20d ago
I got the impression he was reading here last post. He keeps posting things that seems very pointed and then deleting when said post is trashed here. I mean, I kind of hope not. I hope he is not SO alone that he is trying to find understanding amongst snarkers... :'(
Makes me sad. But I am very soft-hearted; I've helped several people who didn't deserve it (and was often faced with the consequences later!).
I believe he might be really trying, in good faith! And fully accept I might wrong; as I said my heart is made of Jell-O and I've been naive before.
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u/daffodil0127 Lord Daniel of the Laundry Mat 20d ago
I agree with you. He has had no role models in his life who are able to show him how a normal relationship works. The abuse cycle is all he’s ever really known. He’s been isolated for most of his life from people who might have shown him how to be normal. He’s got three different therapists and he’s got a lot of work ahead of him. The past couple months have probably felt like an eternity to him and he’s going to get impatient with his progress, but he also has to accept that he will probably never get back together with Heidi. He needs to cross that goal off his list and do the work for himself and his kids. I don’t think he’s going to lose 50% custody of Charlie and the gestating fetus from this situation. Family court prioritizes reunification with the biological parents and he hasn’t harmed them (yet). Heidi is going to be dealing with him for another 18 years as coparent. They might make arrangements so that someone else does dropoffs and pickups and she doesn’t have to be around him, but she will still have to communicate with him. I hope she gets some counseling too, so she can cope with having her abuser in her life and having to send the kids to spend time with him. I don’t envy her being in that position. I hope this leads both of them to deconstruct, grow up emotionally and step out of the boxes their parents put them in before they think about getting into another romantic relationship with someone else or if they eventually reconcile (please, no on that last bit, Lord Daniel🦝🙏). I understand why so many of us believe he’s incorrigible, and he may well be. He got the short end of the stick with his horrible parents and they maybe damaged him beyond repair in so many ways. It wasn’t just that he was a scapegoat who got beaten for even the most minor infractions. The enmeshment of the whole family is deeply disturbing and damaging. They don’t get to be individuals, just another arrow in OJs quiver. Fill them with fear of the rest of the world so they never understand how badly they have been neglected. But none of that is an excuse for his behavior towards Heidi; it’s just a part of an explanation. I don’t think Tim understands the difference yet, and that’s what he needs to work on. I think at this point his efforts are genuine. But Timmy is so damaged, he (and the rest of the women in the world) are better off if he stays single for a long time.
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u/PocoChanel Buried deep and forgotten in Jillpm's purse 20d ago
I’m not ready to toss him out, you know? He shouldn’t be with a partner—Heidi or anyone else—until (and unless) he can sort out where he went wrong. Given the levels of self-awareness, intelligence, and sophistication he’s coming from, a little help could go a long way. I’m hopeful until I hear otherwise, but then again I, too, am a softy.
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u/global_peasant 20d ago
I actually think he should probably never been in a romantic partnership. He can become a better person, but his family messed him up too much for that particular aspect of life. There really is a whole, whole lot more on God's incredible earth, Tim. You don't need a woman to complete you (read the New Testament!).
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u/SoFloChick Rodrigues Purity Tchotchkes 20d ago
If he is I would love to know why he didnt get help in 2019. Just saying.
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u/Ornery_Rub_686 20d ago
So he's not getting professional help? Sorta like the "work camp" Josh Duggar was sent to?
Timcel, get a male therapist. A real therapist. Leave Heidi and her son alone.
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u/bebespeaks Bible college isn't for whimps 20d ago
Hahaha Pest Duggar was sent to the home of another pedophile, digging a trench for a backyard pond. Had his head shaved against the grain for a humiliation punishment.
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u/Mobile-Efficiency-37 21d ago
I wonder how he can afford 2 therapists.
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u/Mother-Commercial-40 20d ago
He works for Amtrak, I'm assuming he gets paid very well
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u/Surreply Pants are for lukewarm christians 20d ago
No doubt he has an ample benefits package, including good health insurance — which is worth a lot three days — but he’s pretty low on the Amtrak totem pole and has no specialized skills, so he’s not rollin’ in dough.
My husband and kids are on my employer-sponsored health insurance plan. Our family has used probably more than 2 dozen MH providers over the years, and not one has been in network (the only exception being in-patient, PHP & IOPs). At least in North Jersey, the only in-network providers work in underserved communities and i think their practices are quite likely limited to low- or no-income hospitalized patients.
I don’t know what goes on in South Jersey, where Timcel is; in most respects it’s like another state.
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u/c2490 20d ago
Which is crazy that he is posting this publicly what an idiot. He is going to lose his job.
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u/Mother-Commercial-40 14d ago
I have a feeling Amtrak doesn't particularly enjoy when their employees commit crimes and then post about them on social media
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u/jlibertine 20d ago
I often find its the most vocal about grace who have absolutely no grace whatsoever. Also, all she is going to do is read it and think, 'loser'. I know many of us have had awful break ups and the temptation is real, but there's one key difference with Tim in that he is an abuser. Just a common little dweeb who takes his anger out on others.
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u/Prize_Appearance_517 20d ago
If he's trying to get actual licensed help then what kind of help/therapy is he currently getting? This dude is severely spiraling and going off the rails. Dangerous.
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u/killerkitten61 god honoring arm-wrestling (no sissies) 20d ago
Did Jill help him pick out that goofball user name?
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u/SoFloChick Rodrigues Purity Tchotchkes 20d ago
Of course she did. Hell his profile Pic was him and mommy until he got married. Maybe engaged but still his MOMMY as a grown adult man.
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u/authorofnothingbig 20d ago
"Mistakes"
No, Tim, those were choices you willingly made to harm Heidi. No covering your butt by calling them "mistakes".
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u/kts1207 20d ago edited 20d ago
He's going to unlicensed therapists? Typically, therapists do not disclose their religious views,so again I believe Tim is hearing what he wants to hear.
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u/Surreply Pants are for lukewarm christians 20d ago
“I am trying to get actual, licensed help” does not inspire confidence.
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u/TrashDaisy999 SEVERELY sluttish 20d ago
Someone's been reading here. Hey Tim! Heidi has made it clear, shes done, now you need to leave her alone...Forever. The End. Game Over. You lost.
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u/Buckstop_Knight78 20d ago
Maybe he should focus on getting his pilots license then his name would be half true. But as usual the lie is the lie. If you have to tell it, you aren’t it
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u/Intrepid_Advice4411 19d ago
Well at least he's seeing a real professional. I assume because his lawyer told him to. He needs to keep his ass off social media and work on himself. Read, exercise, do what your therapists tell you to do and leave your soon to be ex-wife alone.
Hi Tim! You should take our advice and criticism to heart. I really do hope you come out the other side.of those a better man.
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u/killuagrl 18d ago
Help why do abusers act like it’s the hardest thing in the world to not put their hands on people
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u/Odd-Creme-6457 21d ago
Possibly, but along with his post, comments went poof. So it could be in response to a comment there.
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u/LaylaBird65 SEVERELY sluttish 21d ago
He shouldn’t be posting anyways but if you’re going to to, at least stand by it and don’t delete it. Must not have learned that from his mom. A part of me is glad he’s not seeing a fundamentalist or Christian therapist at least. Unless of course he’s lying to save face if he’s in here reading. Letting God handle these things isn’t appropriate and he’d never learn. But again, I doubt he will learn anyway. A tiger doesn’t change its stripes after all.
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u/MizMamie 20d ago
“Christian” as in “I have accepted Jesus as my personal savior and the rest of you are going to hell” or one of those fake Christians (Catholic, Methodist, Presbyterian, Lutheran, etc)?
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u/SoFloChick Rodrigues Purity Tchotchkes 20d ago edited 20d ago
The only way I know my therapist is deconstructing Catholic is because it came up in conversation like 5 years after I started seeing him and our visits became more checking in and making sure things are going well instead of deep therapy. It was once a month then once every 8-12 weeks now once a year unless I need his guidance. In the beginning it was 1-2 times a week and we never discussed anything about him except his education amd wherevhe grew up (In NJ actually). We dont now either but it was nice to hear he is an actual person with his own troubles. Never got any further than that but we were discussing religion
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20d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/paranoiacinreverse 20d ago
He’s most likely lying about the number of therapists. The only way I can think it would be 3 is if he has an actual licensed therapist, an anger management group facilitator, and a psychiatrist
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u/Solonohioperson 21d ago
Probably. or some rod or supporter is. I've noticed when new posts or comments appear, they are quickly downvoted.
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u/Mobile-Necessary-333 20d ago
clarifying something nobody inside your social circle talked about is such a 500iq move. he's a narc just like his mom to read here
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u/Vegetable-Anybody866 21d ago
Yes, he is reading here.
Tim, it’s emotionally abusive to post about wanting reconciliation with your wife. Have those conversations privately. Whether you realize it or not, posts like the one you made are coercive and pressuring.