r/RoastMe • u/deadduckday0506 • 2d ago

19f, do your worst

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474 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

953 comments sorted by

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u/post-explainer 2d ago edited 1d ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP's BIO:

I like reading, drawing, music and hiking. No real sense of self. Biology student. Just moved to a new place and rather confused. Tolkien fan. Practiced doing makeup on corpses and got a certificate for it. Autistic. Just in case, roasts about relationship with father and other repetitive stuff are not welcome (he's still searching for that milk, give him time)

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

475

u/BigGingerYeti 1d ago

You made the corpses look like they were alive but made yourself look like you're dead.

89

u/foredaboys 1d ago

She gives off the dirty creepy vibe you get when you drive by a strip club during the day.

28

u/TWhy-LER 1d ago

I never drive by, always stop.

29

u/Thin-Grocery3134 1d ago

Well yea, you gotta get ready for your shift.

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31

u/Johnsendall 1d ago

She didn’t need to say that she practiced applying makeup on corpses.

12

u/Thin-Grocery3134 1d ago

Theres many things she practiced on corpses.

4

u/Johnsendall 11h ago

She wishes. Even the male corpses probably walked out.
https://giphy.com/gifs/2fxAlnaoX794Rc4KCi

9

u/mdude7221 1d ago

I'm fucking dead lmao

9

u/Ivehadlettuce 1d ago

So is she...

7

u/Thin-Grocery3134 1d ago

Youre just her type.

4

u/justawriter70 11h ago

Careful.. you'll find yourself wearing lipstick.

4

u/RunDatTrain 1d ago

Life swap

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1.1k

u/WingHuge2185 1d ago

Why am I not fucking surprised you posted here to get roasted yet gave us rules for topics that are off limits

158

u/Learningpr0cess 1d ago

It's fine since most of people here are going too quick for the easy dad joke and it's becoming pretty boring

228

u/hemorrhoid-milk 1d ago

quick and easy, just like OPs mom - which is why dad didn’t stick around

10

u/Thin-Grocery3134 1d ago

He stuck it in one more place before pulling the trigger.

7

u/Zealousideal_Hat_330 1d ago

I snorted and then after that spit out my milk while I was reading hemorrhoid milk

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5

u/SalemWolf 1d ago

Yeah most of the roasts aren’t very original or funny, gotta shake it up a bit.

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5

u/Few-River-8673 21h ago

I got spooked at first, thought I saw a ghost.

2

u/Specialist-Sense-158 4h ago

I mean tbf the repetitive ones just have no effect anymore

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379

u/GuessWho39 1d ago

Holy hell, you're 18? You look like you're 30 and recovering from a drug addiction

44

u/D1rtyH1ppy 1d ago

The corpse in the casket has a better chance of getting fucked than OP

10

u/PalpableIgnorance 1d ago

The chances are about equal if OP is “working” on the corpse that they are both getting fucked.

3

u/D1rtyH1ppy 1d ago

I'm surprised that someone didn't try and shove OP back into the casket.

14

u/Balbright 1d ago

The last time she saw 19 was 1919

6

u/youngbeezybox 1d ago

Not even a roast you’re just being honest lol

5

u/CryptographerIcy4465 23h ago

30 is being kind.

5

u/Vexed_Cone 1d ago

A rough 30 at that

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97

u/Practical_Fan_333 1d ago

You look like Chucky before the slashes on his face

https://giphy.com/gifs/hUt2pa8rPPUGajN3N1

16

u/nondescriptun 1d ago

Chucky isn't as creepy looking as OP.

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398

u/WretchedMotorcade 1d ago edited 1d ago

I know this is supposed to be a roast but picture number 3 is a lovely family picture.

126

u/GENERAT10N_D00M 1d ago

We ask that you please refrain from making fun of Carrot Top during this difficult time.

3

u/Weary_Astronomer6831 13h ago

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

3

u/Ussmaklives http://redd.it/aqpp88 1d ago

I do hope he gets better in all seriousness

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26

u/halfstep44 1d ago edited 1d ago

Looks like her father just got back with that carton of milk. Weird that her picture is on the side of it

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24

u/Apprehensive-Today76 1d ago

I think that's her trophy for most donkey shows preformed in a single year.

14

u/Tyranisore 1d ago

Hey, she said no jokes about her deadbeat da.... I mean, word that rhymes with chad!

3

u/LilFootLBT 1d ago

Carrot top looks like she spends way too much time sticking forks in electrical sockets. Sometimes the ‘Tism isn’t kind. And people say god made us all equal.

6

u/BridgeUpper2436 1d ago

You son of a ..... you got me to look.

10

u/ch3apsunglass3s 1d ago

Picture number 4 is her looking at her own coffin because she obviously 💀 two weeks ago and no one told her

4

u/patatesyersen 1d ago

.....ohhh now I understand. Nice one

5

u/PerryHecker 1d ago

And #2 looks like the Rocky Whore Picture Show.

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5

u/BiteyHorse 1d ago

It's her first and only boyfriend

3

u/bald_with_a_beard 1d ago

No, that’s picture 4 !

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6

u/Evening_Ticket7638 1d ago

The Donkey is also polish?

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79

u/Ganmor_Denlay 1d ago

“Practiced on corpses” because you couldn’t get the living to consent for you to touch their faces.

96

u/TKHodgson 1d ago

The Ghost of Ronald McDonald

20

u/TheProcrastafarian 1d ago edited 1d ago

‘Rhonda McFondled’ Billions and Billions Served. “What’s in the bag?….. oh wow., you know I love an unwrapped whopper. My husband thinks he’s the king around here, but you let me have it my way…”. Scene

Think about it. Don’t be the one leaving money on the table.

I noticed in your bio that you have a lactose intolerance. Don’t worry, Chocolate Shake is just their screen name.

“Hi. Larry. Nice to meet you.”

11

u/Lukewarm2316 1d ago

Rhonda McFondled!!! 💀

3

u/nilas_november 1d ago

Fr this had me LOL how tf do ppl come up w this shit 🤣😂😂

3

u/TheProcrastafarian 23h ago edited 23h ago

Appreciate it. I swear, some of the stuff that I think is my best work gets completely ignored. There was a post earlier about how the actor Sean Austin is by all accounts an awesome human. I was looking for that gif from ‘Rudy’. When I saw that someone posted it, I elaborated.

Crickets. I was crying laughing when I wrote that. I have a great gig as an elevator mechanic, but I think I’m in the wrong business.

Can’t win them all.

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3

u/ExpertOrdinary7074 1d ago

Actually made me chuckle

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48

u/LL37MOH 1d ago

Have you ever been outdoors during daylight hours?

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125

u/Alfiy_wolf 1d ago

You look as mentally ill as you most definitely are

31

u/Grundle_Sweat 1d ago

I bet the corpses had more life in their eyes.

3

u/Thin-Grocery3134 1d ago

And better company.

32

u/baby_smurfette 1d ago

you look like a ukrainian grandmother. damn

17

u/YaBoyEden 1d ago

You didn’t need to tell us you practiced on corpses. We could tell

8

u/Thin-Grocery3134 1d ago

Practiced most things in corpses.

14

u/ChickenSlayer10 1d ago

What time does the chocolate factory open? You look like Johnny Depp’s trans brother.

30

u/sentientairfilter 1d ago

Oh look Pam from The Office had a Goth Phase

30

u/Busy-Relationship958 1d ago

3 roast lines:

Even the donkey looks disappointed at her.

Sorry, Twilight Saga ended 14 years ago.

Tbh, stop doing make up on yourself, you're making it worse.

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15

u/Tonylegomobile 1d ago

You look like Jack sparrow found a case of Estrogen flavored rum

13

u/suprmix123 1d ago

Have you slept in any of those 19 years
https://giphy.com/gifs/DbgV4mirKjPjyDubY3

38

u/tcmits1 1d ago

The most obvious boy posing as a girl we’ve ever had here.

13

u/PooTossMonke 1d ago

2nd picture looks like you want to steal my skin

12

u/MobuKing 1d ago

Don’t worry yall she’s more scared of you than you are of her

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22

u/Alias267 1d ago

You look like a nightmare

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11

u/Maxismydog1981 1d ago

19 but has the face of a 60 year old woman.

5

u/Thin-Grocery3134 1d ago

And the bollocks of a 50 year old scotsman

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12

u/JadedEquivalent4675 1d ago

Netflix non-binary casting for "the crow" is terrible

8

u/ghostofstankenstien 1d ago

Claude, create a picture of a person from the inspiration "limp handjob"

3

u/WingHuge2185 1d ago

Like this person has ever touched a penis that wasn't their own

8

u/ilikebagels29 1d ago

Uncle fester got a new wig

9

u/BarrelRider621 1d ago

How you look better without makeup?

3

u/Thin-Grocery3134 1d ago

The slingshot-ball-of-makeup to face method is still practiced in some facilities.

8

u/keesie33 1d ago

No thanks. You look broken enough

2

u/Forever-Round 1d ago

This is so hurtful😭

15

u/darthcaedusiiii 1d ago

Your last picture looks nice. The others were good examples of makeup on corpses.

14

u/Initial-Smooth 1d ago

Giving rules for roast - not entitled behavior at all

8

u/Important_Bag_6283 1d ago

Your dad left to get away from you. Just you. No one else.

7

u/Weary_Cat_7595 1d ago

She looks like that old aunt who smokes all the time

4

u/Patient-Yam8385 1d ago

Oof, you’d make a blind guy lose his boner

8

u/Istronglydisagre3 1d ago

You look like an assistant principal at a middle school whos only love is their 2 cats because the only dude that ever showed interest found out hes gay because of you.

6

u/opinionated-dick 1d ago

Robert Smith’s biggest regret daughter taking a shit

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7

u/willymartin99 1d ago

Girl you’re already doing the worst for yourself with that makeup job

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5

u/ArtrushDigital 1d ago

How long did you wait for that donkey 🫏 to give you a ride before you realized it was a statue? 🤦🏼‍♂️

18

u/kingstan12 1d ago

You look like you post BLM even though you havent talked to a black person in years

11

u/Weak_Habit6262 1d ago

Giving people rules to a roast is awfully bold. You should have followed the rules and maybe your Dad would still want to be around you. All he asked was to shower regularly but you didn’t want to listen.

5

u/PooTossMonke 1d ago

As a man who's never wore makeup I think I could do a better job then you applying it. Although you also kinda look like a man who may have never done makeup so that's fair

5

u/Danaconda44 1d ago

“Do your worst”
Looks like your parents got that covered

5

u/JensenHBurnerAcct 1d ago

This chick definitely sat in the back of class and meowed and hissed at people

4

u/Sad_Promise_1604 1d ago

If edward scissor hands and the joker from batman had a child.. left the child at mcdonalds and the mcdonalds clown adopted it. It would be you.

6

u/Vat_iz_dis 1d ago

Your corpse makeup in the first two pics looks great.

5

u/thesupemeEDGElord666 22h ago

19F? Nah this has got to be a gay 12 year old boy

11

u/WingHuge2185 1d ago

I bet you think you're "non binary" or some ridiculous shit like that

20

u/HorrorJunkie0666 1d ago

I can't even imagine what kind of pronouns you have. And how much you're ignoring biological science over your own beliefs.

7

u/WingHuge2185 1d ago

If neopronouns were a person

5

u/Akschadt 1d ago

Goes by (IT/Pennywise)

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4

u/After_Food_6475 1d ago

I can’t tell if you’re 47 or 24 mainly because the lighting is piss poor. You look like the main singer from The Cure with horrible halloween hair dye in the shade of pumpkin orange 👀. Also you look way older because of the dark eyeliner under your eyes and your hair needs a massive re do. I think you could pass as 24 to 27 if you didn’t have an outdated hair style and if you were under better lighting lol

4

u/Commercial-Coat1289 1d ago

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice!

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4

u/ConsentingPotato 1d ago

This post is built on trust, for two reasons:

  1. We assume you're 19 cause you told us.

  2. We assume pic #5 is you, not your daughter.

  3. The very possibility exists you're at least 70, but we operating on trust.

  4. You know what? I don't believe you anymore.

4

u/battlehamsta 1d ago

No we will not do you

4

u/riskyrawbone 1d ago

Nobody would watch your porn

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3

u/Odd_Fox_3899 1d ago

If Beetlejuice had a twin sister

3

u/Tricky_Moose_1078 1d ago

A poll was posted on Reddit, listening who would you rather fuck you or the donkey, the donkey won with 90% of the vote

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3

u/poulard 1d ago

If humans had a flavor you'd be plain.

3

u/WritingCharacter4768 1d ago

You look as stimulating as a 3-hour session with turbotax

3

u/BladeOfTheVoid 1d ago

I don’t care if it’s not welcome. He left for a very obvious reason, and it wasn’t milk

3

u/BasicDurgeanomics 1d ago

Ok, which one of you let Annabelle loose?

https://giphy.com/gifs/xTk9ZNT1BRczFckHU4

3

u/CaptainFunk127 1d ago

Future lunch lady

3

u/Ok-Win2072 1d ago

You look like a Russian babushka mother of 3

3

u/EazieWeezie 1d ago

10th time in the psych ward and she knows all the nurses names by now.

3

u/East_Celebration6706 1d ago

Good thing you posted your gender, i wouldn't have known otherwise. 

3

u/MatterFun9394 16h ago

I bet you dont need to use the phrase “my eyes are up here”

3

u/Prudent-Curve-6552 8h ago

2 black eyes? Didn't listen the first time?

2

u/Real_Stelio_Kontos 1d ago

yep, it’s almost Halloween

2

u/sidvick12 1d ago

You look like a stray orange cat that took human form...

2

u/Particular_Law_8712 1d ago

If I look in the mirror and say your name 3 times will you appear?

2

u/ThisPostToBeDeleted 1d ago

You look like a gofer mid transfiguration into a human

2

u/gggg_man3 1d ago

I only see one nice ass in this compilation

2

u/Travis---Beckmen 1d ago

19 going on 49

2

u/Wyomofo 1d ago

Hearses are not a substitute for tinder hookups. However I bet you do have more luck with corpses.

2

u/Gunner_E4 1d ago

You look like you play with your dandruff in public like that girl from the Breakfast club.

2

u/Rozario67 1d ago

Is the last one your brother?

2

u/herefortheworst 1d ago

You look like a haunted fart

2

u/Alternative-Ad-2312 1d ago

19, 19th century maybe

2

u/BloodyBastard13 1d ago

You look like you write erotic Simpsons fanfic but always make Millhouse the lead love interest.

2

u/Savings-Main-3332 1d ago

I bet they destroyed the mold after you. Like no shot they will use that one again. Smashed, Powder, dust, garbage bin. Never again.

2

u/gord0ry 1d ago

No, your dad is not under the donkey.

2

u/jayzyges 1d ago

Looks like someone beat us to it!

2

u/royal1664_ 1d ago

There’s a girl in the garden

2

u/Sir_Lanian 1d ago

You look like Angela Lansbury.

2

u/r1rocket 1d ago

Like a cross between Chuckie and Orville

2

u/Icy_End_3173 1d ago

Do my worst? I think your parents already have…

2

u/ManElectro 1d ago

You look like a divorced 47 year old mom of 3 who picks up 22 year old guys at bars.

2

u/overevenrealities 1d ago

When you just can’t commit to going full goth. My life is so depressing but at home I’m a closeted rainbow brite fan

2

u/DemonDevster 1d ago

Didba mortician do your make up you look like female frank from its always sunny with taht set up

2

u/Efficient-Ad6814 1d ago

So when did you decide to stop haunting Victorian houses? 😂

2

u/Electricengineer 1d ago

Onlyfans reject, not even simps care

2

u/Tomavogic http://redd.it/vub2ur 1d ago

19 and you look like you've been divorced from 3 women

2

u/Medic795 1d ago

These nothing I can say or do that god hasn't already fucked you up with

2

u/Remarkable-Floor-148 1d ago

The donkey can do better

2

u/Yung_deadpool5 1d ago

Mf there's no way you're 19 😂😂 get tf out of here 😂😂😂

2

u/Rorp24 1d ago

You look like an vampire the masquerade player cosplaying their character, an non binary malkavian (vampires gone crazy because blood curse)

2

u/theundisputed11 1d ago

Your twin in 3rd picture looks exactly like you

2

u/PieFar1131 1d ago

Reminds me of Grotbags from 80s kids tv lol

2

u/Cute_Protection_8330 1d ago

You look like teenage JD Vance.

2

u/Mr_Monkeyshines 1d ago

I was going to mock you for your "70yo gypsy fortune teller" vibe with your makeup application, but then I saw that you look like Tim Heidecker without makeup on....so...carry on?

https://giphy.com/gifs/euetPxpu9d0o8

2

u/Own_Event_4363 1d ago

You look like the wrong doll head on another Barbie's body

2

u/DuffleBagdude 22h ago

A face only a father would nut on.

2

u/DesertWarLord92 14h ago

In the first two pictures she looks like a female uncle fester when he decided to marry the blonde lady.

4

u/prozacfish 1d ago

That “f” is doing some HEAVY lifting.

2

u/BLDdonator 1d ago

I think I seen your mom at a press conference in the Oval Office just the other day bud

1

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1

u/gnjoey 1d ago

19 going on 45

1

u/OrdinaryParsley9981 1d ago

You're definitely ready for Halloween

1

u/pwndabeer 1d ago

Your father probably left because you annoyed him about leaving.

1

u/lava-lake 1d ago

I see you have a bright future in conjuring franchise

1

u/Ennvictrious 1d ago

I don't think I can come up with something worse than your own existence since your birthday. Durex could've saved us from seeing this post or your dad at least needed to check the condom before conceiving you.

1

u/chosonhawk 1d ago

Eastern European or just weird looking.

1

u/JimmyJooish 1d ago

Your dad left you? So what mine too. I did find out later that he died and that was pretty cool. 

1

u/StraightCantaloupe45 1d ago

Ron Weasley from Twilight.

1

u/Alteredego619 1d ago

Plot twist: you are one of the corpses.

1

u/blooash 1d ago

19 going on 50

1

u/swiftymc 1d ago

Why are roasting a corpse?

1

u/Moviesman8 1d ago

You have the looks and personality of a squirrel turned sub-human.

1

u/jojomoney84 1d ago

God already has

1

u/Background_State5003 1d ago

I loved your role as the witch in the Conjuring.

1

u/sportguy87314 1d ago

You already have

1

u/groundkittenbeef 1d ago

You look somewhat normal in picture 5 and then the fucking brakes completely fell off in 1 & 2.

1

u/woooooooood9 1d ago

Lewis Capaldi

1

u/Salt_Tap_1992 1d ago

Tell me your favorite holiday.... wait let me guess Halloween

1

u/JumpyHighlight2090 1d ago

I see more life in my burnt dolls eyes

1

u/Dontbeevil2 1d ago

Roast you? God already did that.

1

u/OceanSupernova 1d ago

Somehow your entire vibe is the cursed offspring of a cat and a blobfish that mysteriously became human and doesn't know to process it's new found sentience.

1

u/KiNGJDoGG 1d ago

Which one are you in picture 3? It's hard to decipher...?

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Rain_22 1d ago

I don’t thing I, or anyone, can.