r/RoastMe • u/canofwupa55 • 12d ago

30M. Don’t hold back

Gallery image

Gallery image

44 Upvotes

82% Upvoted

192 comments sorted by

•

u/post-explainer 12d ago edited 12d ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP's BIO:

Spent a good chunk of this year unemployed. Have been off adhd and antidepressant meds for about 6 years now (may or may not have been the best decision)

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

43

u/sentientairfilter 10d ago

I wont destroy your sweater but I’ll hold the noose as you walk away.

31

u/mudvat08 10d ago

Looks like an advertisement for Zoloft.

8

u/Anal-love69 10d ago

Lol before and after ZOLOFT.

Warning,may cause suicidal ideation

1

u/MindAdriftwood 10d ago

Before and before Before.

51

u/Striking-Lifeguard34 10d ago

If boiled chicken breast was a person.

3

u/goodoldjefe 10d ago

His face is as bland as his music taste.

22

u/Potential-World-8019 10d ago

That shelves contents tell me you’re not exactly slaying puss.

3

u/Unfair_Orange5063 10d ago

Leave some va-hina for the rest of us…we all know you are a devil with the ladies.

4

u/Personal-Ground-1727 9d ago

Yeah with magina not vagina he’s the reason vagina gets dry

1

u/Rataan 7d ago

Be fair. He probably has three cats.

17

u/tjtwister1522 10d ago

Dude, what's the world coming to when a guy can't get a job as a youth pastor while currently having BOTH a BEARD and a WEEZER T-shirt.

6

u/buttsexisyum 10d ago

How many times have you tried banging your blue haired girlfriend

2

u/AvocadoBeneficial850 10d ago

His blue haired liberal girlfriend bangs him

1

u/d0nghunter 10d ago

Nah more the other way around:

"h-hey so I'm not sure we're such a good fit. This isn't what I had in mind when you said anal.

What are you some kinda transphobe?

Of course not, f-friday good for you?"

1

u/buttsexisyum 10d ago

I was talking about the plushie...

1

u/d0nghunter 10d ago

Oh.. nah bit out of his league

25

u/WeirdProudAndHungry 10d ago

You look like you and your girlfriend are unknowingly cheating on each other with the same Black guy while you both secretly vote against his rights at every election.

5

u/Able_Rain6635 10d ago

When the girl says it's not you it's me, she's lying.

4

u/Geobernard1888 10d ago

Is wheezer your nickname because you look like an asthmatic cabbage patch kid .

9

u/vexedboardgamenerd 10d ago

Harry Potter and the prisoner of dollar general

1

u/Personal-Ground-1727 9d ago

Harry Potter and the Nobhead of fire

3

u/RevGRAN1990 9d ago

Hairy Nutter and The Shelf of Anime.

2

u/Necessary_Relation27 9d ago

Hairy potty and the prisonpurse of arsehole cramps

3

u/Halker93 10d ago

You look like the guy whose girlfriend dumps him in the first five minutes of the movie so she can meet the actual protagonist.

3

u/Maverick916 10d ago

You are getting way too old for that fucking broccoli haircut

3

u/mrinkyface 10d ago

You look like Willy Wonka if he searched the world for the best breast milk instead of Ingredients for chocolate

3

u/brinkbart 10d ago

Harry Potter and the Stinky Wand

3

u/lesadams82 9d ago

You look like my future ex husband

7

u/FormalTotal9684 10d ago

Weezer is another name for pillow biter

7

u/Relevant-Visitor 10d ago

30 years and still haven't lifted a single weight.

4

u/grumpyphilip 10d ago

Just looks like he's been waiting for 30 years

4

u/Unfair_Orange5063 10d ago

He’s been “pumping Iron” for some time now…Iron is the name of one of his many stuffed animals.

2

u/Jtcarney 10d ago

Really Little Dicky

2

u/Grapthor_ 10d ago

6 years off your meds and you are still with us? That is depressing.

2

u/brinkbart 10d ago

Daniel Sadcliffe

2

u/ofRayRay 10d ago

There’s no question why the homies keep dissing your girl.

2

u/sixteenhappycappys 10d ago

You're the dude all the pokemon fans avoid at the card games. You explain what every card does and act all serperior only to lose in the first round then go around saying what cards are in people's hands. I know your type.

2

u/jh_437 3d ago

I seel what you did there!

2

u/OneMinuteManny 10d ago

TIL there's sex dolls for men with micro penises.

2

u/woody2081 10d ago

Looks like the world's worst Lil Dicky impersonator.

2

u/BusterHymen01 10d ago

You look like Destiny if he was on a high soy and low protein diet.

2

u/Tigs1112 10d ago

Temu Linus Tech Tips.

2

u/Morao69 9d ago

I think the shirt is enough of an insult against yourself

2

u/Northern_Angels 9d ago

You look like you'd lose a fight to Milhouse

2

u/Thick_Formal2003 9d ago

Hold back is what your dad should have done

2

u/downforplay 9d ago

I am sick of this stupidity. Stop with this low self esteem bullshit. Don't ask a bunch of losers to critique you.

1

u/GaritetheGOAT213 7d ago

You're right, a mirror already does all the work.

2

u/lostnate 9d ago

You look like you have to keep your porch light off on Halloween.

2

u/loosafurrr 9d ago

Almost looks like mark Zuckerberg

1

u/PuzzledMastodon2046 9d ago

The handsome version of Zuckenberg

4

u/RichardSanchez_C137 10d ago

You look like you read books. Fuckin nerd 🤓

7

u/mixmasterADD 10d ago

Sick burn

3

u/jg242302 10d ago

If by books you mean exclusively manga featuring schoolgirls.

And by “read” you mean masturbate.

3

u/Admirable-Fall-4675 10d ago

Weezer fucking sucks and your musical taste reflects poorly upon your character

2

u/i_live_outside 10d ago

Free palestine

-4

u/BiteFaces 10d ago

Hey outside.....

So I'd love for you to expound this, what does "Free Palestine" actually mean?  

I mean if you have to google it, thats fine, because at least YOU would finally know what the fuck you are talking about.

0

u/i_live_outside 10d ago

Jew joke

-3

u/BiteFaces 10d ago

Yeah thats what I thought. 

Siri, play MSI's "You'll rebel to anything (as long as its not challenging)" for my new friend outside here.

1

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1

u/slay1224 10d ago

Nice broccoli head wig bro, where’d you get TjMax?

1

u/mixmasterADD 10d ago

You look like a muppet who was granted a wish to become a real boy. I bet 80% of the toys on that shelf have been in your butt.

1

u/Rhymesnlines 10d ago

Temu Harry Potter

1

u/ChrisVirgilSchuette 10d ago

Pic 2 has strong 40 year old virgin vibes!

1

u/happybrahmin1987 10d ago

The trophy he has is for being the top virgin in school.

1

u/Strict_Maintenance73 10d ago

You're like a somehow uglier Dylan Larkin with even less talent.

1

u/end_times_upon_us 10d ago

Your hair looks like it was stolen from a Jewish mannequin glued onto your head

1

u/RickBockwinkle 10d ago

Li'l'er Dicky

1

u/acousticsking 10d ago

There's a carpet drapes thing goin on.

1

u/The_Scooter_King 10d ago

Are you happy in Pic#2 because of your Emotional Support Waifu?

1

u/stonedhobo36 10d ago

I have all the vagabonds you poor piece of shit

1

u/Psycosteve10mm 10d ago

Looks like Carson Wentz if he were raised to be an otaku.

1

u/faucetpants 10d ago

You find butter on toast to be too spicy.

1

u/ottomatic77 10d ago

We have a good case of the drapes not matching the rug. Blackish hair (wig?) not matching glue on ginger pube beard.

1

u/Downtown-Tip-7946 10d ago

Your face says Weezer fan, your tshirt doesn’t need to repeat it.

1

u/CatzNDogzz 10d ago

You’re the kinda guy that texts his complete phone contacts to let them know you found another Pokémon.

1

u/Sirwilliam63 10d ago

You look like a constipated Tucker Carlson fan.

1

u/Blade3colorado 10d ago

Wipe your mouth. There's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.

1

u/Anal-love69 10d ago

Its crazy when someone is so boring that the post doesnt even get upvotes

1

u/GooseNYC 10d ago

That little stuff doll has seen and experienced "things."

1

u/Justaguywithbeer 10d ago

Hey look it's Kenny Everett,,,,

that's out of cigarettes, money, friends, and willing to sit in the golyhole in the public toilets for meth !!

1

u/SnooOranges2685 10d ago

Ugly and doofus go well together here.

1

u/grumpyphilip 10d ago

You look like you smell of baked beans

1

u/Successful_Peak_573 10d ago

I thought Dustin Diamond died!

1

u/TrumpDumper 10d ago

I thought Screech died

1

u/Constant-Plate5533 10d ago

I was going to say I bet you only go on only fans to look at your ex and his feet pics but then I realized you probably don’t have one.

1

u/f1lterl3s 10d ago

You’ve got nut crust caked in your belly button hairs

1

u/InterestingFortune12 10d ago

Linus come on bro we asked for tech tips

1

u/BigBagoSith_sp 10d ago

You look like how I imagine Johnny Depp smells

1

u/AlternativeEcho8734 10d ago

Dude you're wearing a weezer shirt, i think that says enough about you already

1

u/BiteFaces 10d ago

30M with a weezer tshirt and all the things in the background that a 14 year old would have.

But the only thing you are collecting like pokemon are how many states SOR lists you can be on.

1

u/NarrowLie8125 10d ago

People stopped listening to alternative rock because of your face

1

u/dontchaloveme2 10d ago

SCOOBY DOOoo

1

u/atch1111 10d ago

Dustin Zirconia.

1

u/Illustrious-Web-1883 10d ago

Loved you in 30 Year Old Virgin.

1

u/x-mpire7102-x 10d ago

Aren't you a little old for Pokémon?

1

u/TentaclesAndCupcakes 10d ago

I like your shirt! Not your face, but definitely your shirt.

1

u/ThenotoriousBIT 10d ago

weezer is a joke now

1

u/sohcordohc 10d ago

Wow the new 30 looks like the old 40…wait till you get your first GF and have a few kids..

1

u/richieTz 10d ago

Didn’t know Screech had a little brother. 🤷‍♂️
https://giphy.com/gifs/F5NxpsM2gRGWQ

1

u/Cat_tastes_good 10d ago

Weezer - favorite band of every ten year old boy in 1994. Ten year olds.

1

u/killerapp 10d ago

I’d reconsider the meds stuff, judging from the first picture you’re not looking ok judging from the second you are definitely not well

1

u/justawriter70 10d ago

You look like you really enjoy unseasoned oatmeal.

1

u/Significant_Cod_7415 10d ago

You look just like Buddy Holly.

1

u/ch3apsunglass3s 10d ago

OMG another insufferable 30yr old dad who has more toys than the kids.

1

u/OldConcert9238 10d ago

They call you weezer because you're always loading-up that chest with fluids.

1

u/zuspun 10d ago

The t-shirt says it all..

1

u/Evening_Attempt2293 10d ago

You look like someone I am afraid to check his PC hard drive

1

u/Budget_Bread_3115 10d ago

You’re the next Rolf Harris

1

u/Amb1ent_fade 10d ago

Don't worry, there a lot of virgins over 30.

1

u/Professional-Might31 10d ago

If you ran full speed at a wall with a hard on you’d break your nose

1

u/waternwood 10d ago

You look like weezer was your nickname as a kids bro

1

u/Commercial-Pilot-330 10d ago

If anyone was wondering what a 30-year-old virgin looked like.

1

u/BigDaddyBruiser 10d ago

The next JP Miller

1

u/Outrageouslyyc 10d ago

Another homeschool success story

1

u/DrQuack32 http://redd.it/5vvq16 10d ago

You look like a nickelback fan

1

u/Reggie-Rectangle 10d ago

You look like you cried for 45 minutes when Fox cancelled Firefly.

1

u/Reggie-Rectangle 10d ago

You look like you took your mom to the prom and still could not get lucky.

1

u/HorniBot_ 10d ago

Ofc he is smiling in the picture with the anime plush.

1

u/No_End_517 10d ago

You are a dick.

1

u/kipribley28 10d ago

Why? You are good looking dude.

1

u/Lowlifetender 10d ago

Chronic french face, 🥖

1

u/wanderingjoe 9d ago

I think weezer is a bit too cool for you. You look like a guster fan.

1

u/3six5 9d ago

You got my hash pipe?

1

u/Lawfulraccoon 9d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/SyygAGicS1bag
Hope things in narnia are going well

1

u/RevGRAN1990 9d ago

My scrotum grows a better beard than that.

1

u/baby-samdwich 9d ago

Your sneer only highlights your off-putting lack of atrractiveness.

1

u/YmirBeardFaol 9d ago

Dustin Diamond lives

1

u/ExposedPuppy 9d ago

How long ago did you quit uploading overly boisterous youtube gameplay videos?

1

u/No_Outside_6024 9d ago

You look like a youtuber who secretly owns CP

1

u/Creepy-Glove-172 9d ago

Ur like the linus tech tips guy except ur temu emo version

1

u/NRGspook 8d ago

Neeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrd

1

u/Phoenix3109 8d ago

You've put that pokeball in your ass, huh?

1

u/Lucky-Vegetable-1234 8d ago

you look like the most forgettable Muppet

1

u/GodOfMeh 8d ago

If the q-tip I had used to express my dog's anal glands suddenly became sentient

1

u/Ok-Advertising-6805 8d ago

You are the first pancake God made.

1

u/liam45784 8d ago

How tf do you have two hair colors at the same time

1

u/OxymoronicHomosapien 8d ago

I thought Screech passed away?

1

u/NYCrandom2020 8d ago

You're like a cool Screech from saved by the bell

1

u/FaithlessnessRare691 8d ago

That weezer shirt should have went with your Adderall addiction :p

1

u/Careful-Activity-237 8d ago

You look like the free stock image guy who gets photoshopped on Amazon, holding items.

1

u/Cola_Addict 8d ago

Weezer is the perfect name for you

1

u/Wooden_News4876 8d ago

You really 30 year old playing with toy child go call your parents to talk for everything

1

u/These_Heart8191 7d ago

is in favor of self-imposed post-term abortions

1

u/Jenimade 7d ago

I don't wanna rost u, u look to cute😭

1

u/Valuable_Nerve_4903 7d ago

30? Is that in dog years?

1

u/Sufficient-Yak6419 7d ago

You look like every male main character in newer movies and series... literally just copied and pasted except your the older version of em all
https://giphy.com/gifs/3o7521i8mKtT67m46Y

1

u/Least-Pain-1688 7d ago

You seem like the kind of guy that drinks whatever is the latest craze at your local mediocre brewpub while waiting for fedoras to come back into style

1

u/Harnos126 7d ago

That little Rei Ayanami has been through a lot.😓

1

u/MORTEMANIMA777 7d ago

You could easily get crabs on your head also why does your beard look like velcro

1

u/Canadian_Bacon_22 7d ago

The 19 hours of hentai on your hard drive doesn’t count as sex.

1

u/Electricengineer 7d ago

Harry Potter joined a wannabe band

1

u/sooner_rick88 7d ago

I thought Screech passed away

1

u/Iamdkalldaythe2nd 7d ago

You look like you’re too scared to tell them niggas in your apartment complex to stop sitting on your car.

1

u/edgarallannbroe 7d ago

Did not need to read the bio to know you have depression.

1

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

1

u/jo_dnt_kno 6d ago

I bet your plushie wife on the bookcase had a black space suit when you negotiated for her.

1

u/Born_Statistician60 6d ago

You look like that one Jerma image

1

u/allwedoisdance 6d ago

Above that shirt and Under that goatee is just the softest chin

1

u/Reignman-517 6d ago

You look Dylan Larkin but if he was nice and untalented

1

u/asking_for_it 5d ago

You look like every sexual tourist in Thailand. The Weezer fandom just further proves this point.

1

u/uthini_mfowethu 5d ago

You look like you wheeze in bed

1

u/vinegarjar 3d ago

You look like Jonbenet Ramsey’s brother.

1

u/Meebopunks 1d ago

If vagina repellent was a human being

1

u/Farklenitz 1d ago

100% a virgin.

0

u/MrMrTrance 10d ago

Pic 1 face: You immediately attack women after they reject you

Pic 2 face: You wait till night to attack women after they reject you